Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Many parents send their 5-or 6 years old children to a primary school directly while a lot of other parents send their children to a nursery school first before sending them to primary schools. Both of these trends have their own benefits and demerits. Parents usually send their kids to nursery schools at a very early age and some people oppose this idea because they feel that those kids should be at home with other family members.
First of all, sending children to nursery schools at a very early age gives them the advantages of being around other kids, teachers and in a nice educational environment that motivates them to socially interact and study. This is important in terms of making a proper habit of study and building up punctuation. Those kids spend 4-5 hours at nursery school and can easily spend the remaining time with the family members. The modern educational system is very competitive and getting involved in the education and formal institution in an early age is a better option for a majority of the children. Secondly, many children do not have siblings or other kids at their age and they feel lonely at home. Being in nursery school gives them the opportunity to be around with other kids, to play, to study to make fun and do other activities that would be advantageous for their mental health.
On the other hand, sending kids to schools when they are merely 3-4 years old is a bad idea according to many parents. They feel that children should learn the basic things like reading, enumeration etc. from home and only then attend the primary school when they grow to 5-6 years old. This is particularly helpful because parents take care of those things more carefully than others. It is often observed that many students show negative mentality as they were sent to school at a very early age. Moreover, staying at home until a certain age gives both the parents and the children to establish a strong bonding between them. This might be hampered if the child is sent to the nursery school. Again, parents are considered to be the best teachers and the children at the early age have a lot to learn from their parents. The trend of sending kids to school at a very early age often brings more negative aspects than positive aspects.
In conclusion, both views have their merits and demerits and the decision of sending kids to the nursery school should be made based on the convenience of the parents and kids, the educational facility at home and at the nursery school and finally based on the psychological condition of the child. The children should be given every opportunity to grow up healthy, mentally strong and well educated no matter what arrangement suits them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal quantifier Original: a lot of other parents Suggested revision: many other parents Why it matters: Many is more concise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: first before Suggested revision: before Why it matters: First and before repeat the same sequence relationship.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: proper habit of study Suggested revision: regular study habits Why it matters: Regular study habits is the natural expression for established patterns of studying.
- 4. Correct word choice Original: building up punctuation Suggested revision: developing punctuality Why it matters: Punctuation concerns written marks, while punctuality means being on time.
- 5. Clarify possession Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner should refer clearly to the children.
- 6. Fix noun forms Original: the education and formal institution Suggested revision: education and formal institutions Why it matters: Education is used without an article here, while institution should be plural in this general statement.
- 7. Fix age preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: English uses at rather than in with the expression an early age.
- 8. Fix article use Original: a majority of the children Suggested revision: the majority of children Why it matters: The standard general expression is the majority of children.
- 9. Use natural phrase Original: other kids at their age Suggested revision: other children their age Why it matters: Children their age is the idiomatic way to describe peers of the same age.
- 10. Remove extra preposition Original: to be around with other kids Suggested revision: to be around other children Why it matters: Around takes a direct object here and does not require with.
- 11. Fix activity phrase Original: to play, to study to make fun and do Suggested revision: to play, study, have fun and do Why it matters: Have fun is the intended expression, and the coordinated verbs should follow a consistent form.
- 12. Use general institution Original: sending kids to schools Suggested revision: sending children to school Why it matters: School is normally singular and article-free when referring generally to attendance.
Suggested Rewrites
- a lot of other parents many other parents
- first before before
- proper habit of study regular study habits
- building up punctuation developing punctuality
- the their
- the education and formal institution education and formal institutions
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both views in a coherent structure and supports them with several relevant reasons, while the conclusion provides a suitably nuanced opinion. Its main limitation is the frequency of awkward word choices and grammatical constructions, which sometimes reduce precision despite leaving the message clear. The highest priority is to proofread collocations and sentence patterns so that the developed ideas are expressed more naturally and accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant development, and the conclusion gives a clear conditional position.
State the personal position explicitly in the introduction and support the more general claims with specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through distinct viewpoints, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Reduce repetitive signposting and tighten long sentences so that connections between ideas feel less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but noticeable collocational and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as educational facility and negative mentality with natural, context-specific expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly despite recurring errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, and sentence construction.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns carefully, especially plural forms, articles, and constructions following gives or allows.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that children would benefit if they attend nursery school before primary school while some people think that children should stay all day with their families. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.