Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions.
Sample Response
Obesity has emerged as a formidable public health challenge, afflicting individuals and communities across the globe. While its causes are multifaceted, two prominent factors – dietary trends and sedentary lifestyles – significantly contribute to the burgeoning epidemic. Tackling these root causes necessitates a multi-pronged approach encompassing public health initiatives and individual lifestyle modifications.
One of the primary drivers of the obesity crisis is the shift towards a diet dominated by processed foods. The abundance of readily available, calorie-dense, and nutrient-poor options fuels excessive caloric intake and disrupts healthy eating patterns. Many people do not eat at home and heavily rely on ultra-processed food available in the fast-food chain shops. Thus the widespread availability of fast food and sugary beverages and people's reliance on them contributes to the alarming rise of obesity.
To address the dietary dimension of the obesity problem, promoting public awareness and education about healthy eating habits is crucial. Implementing mandatory nutritional labelling on food products, coupled with targeted campaigns promoting balanced meals and portion control, can empower individuals to make informed and healthy choices.
Another significant contributor to the obesity epidemic is the rise of sedentary lifestyles. Technological advancements and the pervasiveness of screen-based activities have resulted in decreased physical activity levels, particularly among younger generations. This lack of exercise disrupts the body's energy balance, leading to the accumulation of excess fat and an increased risk of obesity-related health complications.
To combat this trend, promoting physical activity at the individual and community levels is essential. Implementing policies that encourage active transportation, such as improving public transit systems and investing in safe and accessible cycling lanes, can facilitate a more active lifestyle.
In conclusion, tackling the global obesity problem necessitates a comprehensive approach that addresses both dietary and lifestyle factors. By raising awareness, promoting healthy choices, and facilitating physical activity, we can collectively strive towards a future where health and well-being are the norm, not the exception.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use measured wording Original: formidable Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: 'Serious' states the scale of the health challenge more directly and naturally.
- 2. Avoid inflated phrasing Original: burgeoning epidemic Suggested revision: growing problem Why it matters: 'Growing problem' conveys the increase clearly without an unnecessarily dramatic collocation.
- 3. Prefer direct wording Original: necessitates Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: 'Requires' communicates the same relationship more concisely.
- 4. Generalise consistently Original: shift towards a diet dominated by processed foods Suggested revision: shift towards diets dominated by processed foods Why it matters: The plural 'diets' better matches the general reference to many people's eating patterns.
- 5. Use common collocation Original: caloric Suggested revision: calorie Why it matters: 'Calorie intake' is the more common expression in general academic writing.
- 6. Use concise phrasing Original: do not eat at home Suggested revision: eat away from home Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the location contrast more directly.
- 7. Place adverb naturally Original: heavily rely on Suggested revision: rely heavily on Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the verb produces a more natural collocation.
- 8. Fix awkward collocation Original: available in the fast-food chain shops Suggested revision: sold by fast-food chains Why it matters: The revision uses the standard term 'fast-food chains' and a precise verb for commercial availability.
- 9. Add linking comma Original: Thus the Suggested revision: Thus, the Why it matters: The introductory linking adverb 'Thus' should be followed by a comma.
- 10. Clarify parallel relations Original: public awareness and education about Suggested revision: public awareness of and education about Why it matters: Adding 'of' shows the distinct preposition required by 'awareness' while preserving the parallel pair.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Implementing policies that encourage active transportation, such as improving public transit systems and investing in safe and accessible cycling lanes, can facilitate a more active lifestyle. Suggested revision: Policies that improve public transit systems and invest in safe, accessible cycling lanes can encourage active transportation and facilitate a more active lifestyle. Why it matters: The revision aligns the examples grammatically with 'policies' and clarifies how they relate to active transportation.
Suggested Rewrites
- formidable serious
- burgeoning epidemic growing problem
- necessitates requires
- shift towards a diet dominated by processed foods shift towards diets dominated by processed foods
- caloric calorie
- do not eat at home eat away from home
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct, well-organised treatment of two causes and matching solutions, with clear explanations and precise, appropriately formal vocabulary. Its main limitation is that some proposed measures, especially the transport example, are asserted rather than fully explaining how they would reduce obesity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each solution’s mechanism and likely impact with the same depth used for the causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both parts directly with two relevant causes and corresponding solutions, although the practical effects of some solutions could be developed further.
Explain more concretely how each proposed policy would change behaviour and reduce obesity, including any conditions needed for it to work.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear overall progression, effective cause-solution sequencing, and well-managed paragraphing, with cohesive devices used accurately.
Strengthen the links between each cause and its corresponding solution so that the response reads as two fully integrated problem-solution chains.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly throughout, with only occasional awkward phrasing such as “fast-food chain shops.”
Prefer concise, natural collocations over elaborate or slightly formulaic wording, particularly when describing everyday food and transport habits.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures with strong control, and the few grammatical slips do not impede communication.
Check subject-verb agreement in long coordinated noun phrases and refine article use in occasional expressions involving food outlets.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Obesity is an increasing public health problem in some parts of the world. Explain some possible reasons for this problem, and suggest some solutions.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.