In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of oil drilling operations in remote locations around the world. This has brought economic benefits to some countries, though it has also raised concerns about the environmental impact of these operations. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
There is ongoing debate about whether or not nations should drill for oil in remote locations. While some argue that it is necessary to meet our ever-increasing energy demands, I would side with those who contend that the potential environmental damage to local communities outweighs any economic benefits.
On the one hand, drilling for oil in remote locations can facilitate energy production. For example, the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska is estimated to contain up to 12 billion barrels of oil, which could help to reduce America’s dependence on foreign oil. Other nations have similar reserves that can meet pressing demands for the average person. The drilling operations in these remote locations will simultaneously create jobs and stimulate economic growth in the surrounding area. As economic conditions improve, energy needs will concomitantly rise and increased drilling can potentially create a cycle that benefits both locals and a given country at large.
On the other hand, drilling for oil in remote locations has significant environmental consequences. The process of extracting oil can lead to the release of greenhouse gases and other harmful pollutants into the atmosphere, contributing to climate change. For instance, the Canadian oil sands, which are located in unpopulated areas of Alberta, are one of the largest sources of greenhouse gas emissions in the world. Relatedly, drilling can have negative effects on the health and wellbeing of nearby communities, particularly indigenous populations. In the above-mentioned example, some of the oil has been extracted through the controversial practice of fracking which contaminates local water supplies where native population rates are high.
In conclusion, while drilling for oil in remote locations may provide temporary economic benefits, the long-term costs to the environment and local communities are too significant. Instead, governments should prioritize the development of sustainable energy sources that will help to ensure a cleaner, healthier future for all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: whether or not Suggested revision: whether Why it matters: The shorter form expresses the same contrast more directly.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: facilitate energy production Suggested revision: increase oil production Why it matters: This wording identifies the specific type of energy production being discussed.
- 3. Use bare infinitive Original: which could help to reduce Suggested revision: which could help reduce Why it matters: The bare infinitive after “help” is more concise here.
- 4. Clarify the demand Original: pressing demands for the average person Suggested revision: ordinary people’s energy needs Why it matters: The revision states clearly whose needs the reserves could meet.
- 5. Choose natural adverb Original: simultaneously Suggested revision: also Why it matters: “Also” connects this additional benefit more naturally than “simultaneously.”
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: concomitantly rise Suggested revision: rise accordingly Why it matters: The revision conveys the relationship in more natural academic English.
- 7. Clarify the referent Original: a given country at large Suggested revision: the country as a whole Why it matters: This phrase refers to the national benefit more clearly and idiomatically.
- 8. Use clearer transition Original: Relatedly Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The new transition clearly signals another environmental consequence.
- 9. Name the example Original: In the above-mentioned example Suggested revision: In the Canadian example Why it matters: Naming the example gives the reference greater precision.
- 10. Clarify population wording Original: local water supplies where native population rates are high Suggested revision: local water supplies in areas with large Indigenous populations Why it matters: Population “rates” cannot be high in a location, and the revision makes the intended relationship clear.
- 11. Use precise adjective Original: significant Suggested revision: severe Why it matters: “Severe” more precisely describes the seriousness of environmental and social costs.
Suggested Rewrites
- whether or not whether
- facilitate energy production increase oil production
- which could help to reduce which could help reduce
- pressing demands for the average person ordinary people’s energy needs
- simultaneously also
- concomitantly rise rise accordingly
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear position, develops both perspectives with relevant examples, and maintains a confident, logically structured argument. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision in the supporting logic and phrasing, particularly where economic growth, energy demand, and effects on Indigenous communities are linked. Refining those causal connections and choosing more exact wording would make an already strong discussion more rigorous.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed directly, the position is consistent, and the main ideas receive relevant explanation and examples.
Make each causal claim fully precise, especially the proposed cycle linking drilling, growth, and rising energy needs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively and unobtrusively.
Strengthen the logical bridge between a few adjacent claims so that progression depends less on broad connective wording.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging and generally precise, with effective topic-specific choices and natural control of less common language.
Replace occasional awkward or imprecise phrases, such as references to population rates, with exact descriptions of the intended relationship.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Polish punctuation and relative-clause phrasing in the longest sentences to make their relationships completely unambiguous.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of oil drilling operations in remote locations around the world. This has brought economic benefits to some countries, though it has also raised concerns about the environmental impact of these operations. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.