Restoration of old building in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the pressing need to provide shelter for the community is a mainstream issue being addressed by the government. However, the capital invested into construction renovation is huge compared with the cost of original housing development. I couldn’t have agreed more that this amount should rather be used for modern expansion alongside transportation routes. Analyzing the need for urbanization and the effect of construction retrofitting will justify it.
Firstly, more than half of the society’s population lacks a home in developing countries thereby encouraging human habitation in slums, where they have always been exposed to environmental disasters such as floods, outbreaks of diseases, and insecurities. For instance, urban cities across the world have been experiencing congestion due to overcrowding. Hence, erecting lodges in areas that are yet to be developed will be more advantageous to society.
Secondly, of course the approach of retrofitting as an alternative to building construction may be cheaper, particularly in the case of smaller projects. Yet, the risk attached to the processes involved could incur more costs. For example, the demolition of structural elements of the existing buildings, if not handled by experts could lead to vehement loss and even death, contrary to the budget. Thus restructuring of housing should best be considered as the last result of expanding housing.
In a nutshell, the government’s record of a large amount for developing readymade houses as against contemporary homes and access roads, calls for the need to consider the option of investment with respect to project size and expertise.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise wording Original: mainstream Suggested revision: major Why it matters: This is a more natural description of an important public concern.
- 2. Correct preposition Original: into Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The verb 'invest' takes 'in' before the activity receiving funding.
- 3. Clarify the activity Original: construction Suggested revision: building Why it matters: This collocation clearly identifies the renovation of buildings.
- 4. Clarify the comparison Original: original housing development Suggested revision: new housing construction Why it matters: This phrase clearly contrasts renovation with constructing new homes.
- 5. Show the alternative Original: rather Suggested revision: instead Why it matters: 'Instead' expresses the contrast between renovation and new construction more directly.
- 6. Name the projects Original: modern expansion alongside transportation routes Suggested revision: new housing and road construction Why it matters: The original phrase is vague and does not clearly name the proposed spending.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: urban cities Suggested revision: cities Why it matters: Cities are inherently urban, so the adjective is redundant.
- 8. Use accurate housing term Original: erecting lodges Suggested revision: building homes Why it matters: 'Lodges' usually means temporary or specialised accommodation rather than general housing.
- 9. Make wording concise Original: areas that are yet to be developed Suggested revision: undeveloped areas Why it matters: This expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 10. Avoid unclear comparison Original: more advantageous to society Suggested revision: beneficial to society Why it matters: The comparative 'more advantageous' lacks an explicit comparison in this sentence.
- 11. Remove wordiness Original: the approach of retrofitting Suggested revision: retrofitting Why it matters: The noun alone expresses the method without the wordy framing.
- 12. Clarify the contrast Original: building Suggested revision: new Why it matters: This phrase distinguishes construction from retrofitting more clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- mainstream major
- into in
- construction building
- original housing development new housing construction
- rather instead
- modern expansion alongside transportation routes new housing and road construction
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a clear preference for funding new housing and uses a conventional paragraph structure to present two supporting reasons. Its main weakness is that the reasoning is often general, weakly substantiated, or partly misaligned with the precise comparison between preserving old buildings and building houses and roads, while awkward word choices sometimes blur meaning. Prioritise a consistent conclusion and develop each argument with realistic, directly relevant explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear initial position is supported by relevant ideas, but roads receive little attention, development is often general, and the conclusion weakens the stance.
Make each body paragraph directly compare restoration with the proposed spending alternative, then restate the same position unequivocally in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has clear paragraphing and broadly logical progression, although some linking is mechanical and several internal connections are imprecise.
Use sharper topic sentences and clearer referencing so each example visibly advances the paragraph's central claim.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of construction-related vocabulary, but inaccurate collocations such as 'vehement loss' and 'last result' reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, natural combinations such as 'severe losses' and 'last resort', and check that each noun matches the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring clause, agreement, and punctuation problems limit control despite generally clear meaning.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, comma placement, and complete clause boundaries before adding further complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Restoration of old building in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.