In the future, there will be more older people than younger people in most countries. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Nowadays, you read on social media some parts of countries have more older people than younger people. This essay will discuss the positive or negative effects of these situations on society.
Some counties have extreme populations, due to which countries are facing poverty issues. People are suffering from malnutrition due to insufficient food & water. In this case, the major young generation, like kids, are affected because they did not receive proper intake of nutrition as compared to older people. Few countries have applied the rules to have only one child, due to which their population will fall, which will likely result in less poverty & less competition for the resource.
This can impact society in a number of ways. Older people are not always capable of doing all the work by themselves. According to age, they face limitations while doing some activities. They require assistance or personal care due to medical conditions from the younger generation.
For country finance and technology growth, the younger generation is equally important. Compared to younger people, it is difficult for older people to adapt to new technology or learn new things. Many countries around the world are becoming richer as they develop, and at the same time, there is a reduction in family size. A possible negative impact is that there will be fewer younger people in the workplace in future, thus making the sustainability of future economic growth less certain.
In conclusion, regardless of any impacts, some counties are still continuing to have a trend have limitations on new populations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add reporting structure Original: you read on social media Suggested revision: people read on social media that Why it matters: The reporting clause needs that before the information being reported.
- 2. Use the right location term Original: some parts of countries Suggested revision: some regions Why it matters: Regions clearly refers to geographic areas, whereas parts of countries is awkward here.
- 3. Name the trend precisely Original: these situations Suggested revision: this demographic shift Why it matters: The singular phrase refers more precisely to the population change under discussion.
- 4. Correct the country spelling Original: counties Suggested revision: countries Why it matters: Counties is a different word; countries is required in this context.
- 5. Clarify population size Original: extreme populations Suggested revision: very large populations Why it matters: Extreme does not specify the intended feature of the populations.
- 6. Fix the relative clause Original: due to which countries are facing Suggested revision: which causes them to face Why it matters: The revision gives the causal clause a clear subject and avoids repeating countries.
- 7. Use the direct noun Original: poverty issues Suggested revision: poverty Why it matters: Issues is unnecessary because poverty already names the problem.
- 8. Use formal conjunction Original: food & water Suggested revision: food and water Why it matters: And is more appropriate than an ampersand in formal academic prose.
- 9. Use the standard term Original: the major young generation Suggested revision: the younger generation Why it matters: Major young generation is not a natural expression for this age group.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: like kids Suggested revision: especially children Why it matters: Especially children is more formal and states which group is most affected.
- 11. Keep tense consistent Original: did Suggested revision: do Why it matters: The paragraph describes a present situation, so the verb should remain in the present tense.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: proper intake of nutrition Suggested revision: adequate nutrition Why it matters: Adequate nutrition is the standard concise expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- you read on social media people read on social media that
- some parts of countries some regions
- these situations this demographic shift
- counties countries
- extreme populations very large populations
- due to which countries are facing which causes them to face
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies several relevant pressures associated with an ageing population, particularly care needs, technological adaptation, and a smaller workforce, and its paragraph structure gives the discussion a visible shape. The main limitation is that it never states a clear positive or negative judgement, while the poverty and one-child-policy material is only loosely relevant. The priority is to establish a definite position and develop two directly connected consequences around it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Some relevant negative effects are presented, but the required judgement remains unclear and a substantial part of the discussion is tangential.
State clearly that the development is positive or negative, then support that judgement with two fully explained consequences of population ageing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is evident and some ideas progress logically, but the opening body paragraph and conclusion do not connect coherently to the central question.
Give each body paragraph one ageing-related consequence and make the conclusion restate the position reached through those arguments.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss demographics, care, technology, and economic growth, though frequent inaccurate wording limits precision.
Replace vague or faulty phrases such as extreme populations and country finance with accurate demographic and economic terminology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, comparison, and clause construction sometimes strain meaning.
Build accurate main clauses first, then add subordinate information while checking subject-verb agreement and comparative structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future, there will be more older people than younger people in most countries. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.