When people grow older they need company but young people find it least preferable to spend time with old people. This is why many opine that older people should live separately. Should old men live with young people together in a family, or should they live in the clubs/retirement home for old men?
Sample Response
With the development of society, we have stepped into an ageing societyan old-man world. Many countries and governments are verymuch concerned about the situation confronting us, especially how older people can live happy liveshow old men can live a happy life. In these circumstancesUnder this circumstance, many retirement homes are springing upmany old-man clubs bamboo up with a view to providingwith the view to provide elderly a better place to settle down. In my opinion,In my opinion, I think this is a good way to address the challenges facing older peoplea good practice to solve old-man problem. Firstly, many young people are quite busy now. They devote so much time to work and personal responsibilitiesdevote themselves wholly to their work and life so that they cannot spare enough time to spendstay with their parents. Old-man clubs can offer plentifulbounteous food and entertainment facilities to the old people, rendering them a happy life there. In the old-man clubs, they can also make some new friendscompanions and friends and establish good relationships with thema good relation with them. Secondly, with the faster pace of people's liveswith the acceleration of people's living tempo, many young people are facing heavy pressure from societyheavy pressure from the society, their work and families. If they live together with their parents, they will shoulder responsibility for caring for themthe responsibility to care for them and their pressure will become heavier and heavier. Old-man club relieves the heavy burden of them and makes them concentrate on their work fully. Finally, old-man club can also provide attentive medical care to older peoplegive careful medical to the old people. If old men live with their family, they may not be sentthey are not ensured to be sent to the hospital immediately after they get ill. In the old-man clubs, they can get good medical care and recover soon. However, every arrangement has two sideseverything has double folds. Sometimes, old people feel very lonely because they often think of their daughters, sons and grandchildren. They prefer family atmosphere. To sum up, I think the appearance of old-man clubs is a good thing for old people. It provides the old people with a better environment. But old-man clubs are not a paradise definitely, which is a compromise to family intimation.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly favours retirement homes and develops several relevant benefits, including companionship, reduced pressure on younger relatives, and access to medical care, while acknowledging loneliness as a drawback. Its main weaknesses are the single-paragraph structure and frequent unnatural or inaccurate expressions that weaken precision. Prioritise dividing the reasons into focused paragraphs and comparing professional care with the emotional support available in a family home using clear, conventional vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear choice is maintained and supported by several relevant reasons, though development is somewhat general and the family-home alternative receives limited evaluation.
Compare the medical and social benefits of retirement homes directly with the emotional and practical benefits of living with family.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows an understandable sequence of reasons and a concession, but the single long paragraph and mechanical signposting limit overall organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for time pressures, social and medical care, the loneliness drawback, and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and forced expressions sometimes obscure the intended meaning.
Use natural terms such as ageing population, retirement home, residential care, companionship, medical attention, family intimacy, and ease the burden.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the main ideas, but article, agreement, plural, pronoun, and clause-construction errors recur throughout.
Proofread each sentence for a clear subject and correctly formed verb, then check articles before singular countable nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When people grow older they need company but young people find it least preferable to spend time with old people. This is why many opine that older people should live separately. Should old men live with young people together in a family, or should they live in the clubs/retirement home for old men?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.