Some old people today struggle with the use of modern technologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?
Sample Response
As technology continues to advance rapidly, many elderly people are finding it difficult to catch up. In my opinion, this is a result of a lack of exposure to electronic devices and education on the theory behind new technologies, which can both be remedied by free workshops for older people.
Firstly, it might be the case that elderly people do not have a need for electronic devices. Since they have lived most of their lives using older technologies, they might still resort to less advanced ways of doing things in order to get by. As a result, elderly people might be less exposed to incrementally more advanced technology every year, as opposed to age groups such as Gen Z, who have grown up alongside the outburst of new devices and the internet.
Thus, I believe that since a lack of awareness about both the purpose and ins and outs of new technology, government programs in the form of classes and workshops could be used to help familiarise old people with these technologies. This might be able to take the form of theory classes as well as hand on engagement with devices. This has been tried and tested in many countries such as the UK, and have shown great success at improving elderly technological literacy.
In conclusion, I have highlighted the reason why many older people have failed to keep up with changing machines, and why an information campaign in the form of workshops and classes could be the solution.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the intended training Original: education on the theory behind new technologies Suggested revision: instruction in how new technologies work Why it matters: This phrase describes practical technological understanding more naturally.
- 2. Clarify the two causes Original: which can both be remedied Suggested revision: both of which can be addressed Why it matters: The revised relative structure clearly refers to both preceding causes.
- 3. Make the phrase concise Original: do not have a need for electronic devices Suggested revision: do not need electronic devices Why it matters: The direct verb form expresses the same idea more naturally.
- 4. Use neutral wording Original: resort to less advanced ways of doing things Suggested revision: continue using less advanced methods Why it matters: “Resort to” implies an undesirable last option that the sentence does not establish.
- 5. Improve the phrasing Original: incrementally more advanced technology every year Suggested revision: gradually advancing technology Why it matters: The revision conveys continuing technological development more naturally.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: outburst Suggested revision: proliferation Why it matters: “Proliferation” accurately describes a rapid increase in the number of devices.
- 7. Use a precise noun Original: machines Suggested revision: technologies Why it matters: “Technologies” accurately refers back to smartphones, computers, and related developments.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: As a result, elderly people might be less exposed to incrementally more advanced technology every year, as opposed to age groups such as Gen Z, who have grown up alongside the outburst of new devices and the internet. Suggested revision: As a result, elderly people may have less exposure to gradually advancing technology than members of Gen Z, who have grown up alongside the proliferation of new devices and the internet. Why it matters: The rewrite creates a grammatically parallel comparison between groups while preserving the original contrast.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Thus, I believe that since a lack of awareness about both the purpose and ins and outs of new technology, government programs in the form of classes and workshops could be used to help familiarise old people with these technologies. Suggested revision: Thus, since older people may lack awareness of both the purpose and the ins and outs of new technology, government programmes offering classes and workshops could help familiarise them with these technologies. Why it matters: The rewrite repairs the incomplete “since” clause and clarifies its connection to the proposed solution.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This has been tried and tested in many countries such as the UK, and have shown great success at improving elderly technological literacy. Suggested revision: Such training has been tried and tested in many countries, such as the UK, and has shown great success in improving older people’s technological literacy. Why it matters: The rewrite supplies a clear singular subject and corrects the verb agreement and awkward noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- education on the theory behind new technologies instruction in how new technologies work
- which can both be remedied both of which can be addressed
- do not have a need for electronic devices do not need electronic devices
- resort to less advanced ways of doing things continue using less advanced methods
- incrementally more advanced technology every year gradually advancing technology
- outburst proliferation
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response has a clear cause-to-solution structure and uses a strong range of vocabulary to explain why older people may struggle with technology. Its main limitation is narrow development: it concentrates largely on one cause and one workshop-based response, while some grammatical slips and awkward word choices weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop an additional distinct cause or solution with precise, error-free explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear central cause and a relevant practical solution, although the range and support of ideas are limited.
Add a distinct second cause or solution and explain specifically how it contributes to or reduces the difficulty.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from cause to solution, with clear paragraphing and generally effective links between ideas.
Make the transition into the solution paragraph grammatically complete so the logical connection is immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates good range with expressions such as lack of exposure and technological literacy, but several choices are awkward or imprecise.
Replace unnatural phrases such as outburst of new devices and changing machines with more idiomatic, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently and meaning remains clear, but errors in clause construction, agreement, and word form recur.
Focus proofreading on complete subordinate clauses and subject-verb agreement, especially in longer sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some old people today struggle with the use of modern technologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.