In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The extension of human lifespan will result in an increasing number of elderly compared to that of young people. This essay argues that the positive sides of this tendency are eclipsed by the negative ones because, despite familial and societal support from older people, this group of population poses greater risks to the economy and healthcare system.
On the one hand, the aging population plays a practical role in providing assistance for young generations in family and society. With regard to the former, full-time working young adults these days tend to rely on older people in childcare, which is proven to lighten financial burden on newly-wedded couples. In Vietnam, for example, there is a majority of grandparents who are in charge of caring for their grandchildren whose parents’ schedules are usually hectic during working hours. On a societal level, seniors have ample life experience passed down from one generation to the next as valuable lessons which are essential in assisting young people to tackle obstacles and guiding them to the right path in life. Thus, the fact that older people will rise in number can be advantageous in helping the younger ones lead a peaceful life and ensure general well-being.
Nevertheless, I think that a higher proportion of older people can bring major drawbacks including burdens on economic aspects and health services. Some may say that the elder is no longer regarded as productive workforces of society, thus the growth in number of this group results in a shortage of qualified workers. This may lead to unfortunate consequences such as declining productivity, higher labor costs, and in the end, cause stagnation in the economy. Coupled with this is that the increasing number of senior populations stimulates the demand for healthcare. Allocation of ample amounts of state funds, therefore, have to be distributed to improve services and facilities in the health sector. The practice may create uneven development in the general prosperity of nations as more resources which are supposed to be spent on education, construction, etc. to stimulate the economy, are instead directed towards alleviating pressure on healthcare systems.
In conclusion, despite the benefits of providing support for young people in terms of family and society aspects, the increase in the number of old people generates more adverse effects on the national economy and health sector. Therefore, I hold the belief that this development is such a negative one.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the noun phrase Original: number of elderly Suggested revision: number of elderly people Why it matters: Elderly is normally an adjective here and needs the noun people.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: compared to that of young people Suggested revision: compared with the number of young people Why it matters: The replacement makes the two quantities grammatically parallel.
- 3. Use a precise noun Original: positive sides Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Benefits is a more natural academic term for positive consequences.
- 4. Use the comparison form Original: young Suggested revision: younger Why it matters: Younger correctly distinguishes these generations from older people.
- 5. Clarify both settings Original: in family and society Suggested revision: within families and society Why it matters: The replacement expresses the family and social contexts more naturally.
- 6. Reorder the modifiers Original: full-time working young adults Suggested revision: young adults working full-time Why it matters: The revised order makes the modifier attach clearly to young adults.
- 7. Use the right preposition Original: in Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Rely on someone for something is the appropriate construction.
- 8. Add the article Original: lighten financial burden Suggested revision: lighten the financial burden Why it matters: The specific burden on the couples requires the definite article.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: newly-wedded couples Suggested revision: newlywed couples Why it matters: Newlywed is the standard concise adjective for recently married couples.
- 10. Remove the faulty opener Original: there is a majority of grandparents Suggested revision: the majority of grandparents Why it matters: The existential construction is unnecessary and unidiomatic before the subject.
- 11. Correct the collocation Original: to Suggested revision: onto Why it matters: Guide someone onto a path is the natural prepositional pattern.
- 12. Use a concise verb Original: will rise in number Suggested revision: will increase Why it matters: Increase states the numerical change more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- number of elderly number of elderly people
- compared to that of young people compared with the number of young people
- positive sides benefits
- young younger
- in family and society within families and society
- full-time working young adults young adults working full-time
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response establishes a clear negative judgment and supports it with substantial discussion of both intergenerational benefits and pressures on employment, public spending, and healthcare. Its main limitation is recurrent awkward phrasing and faulty agreement within otherwise ambitious sentences, which reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to proofread complex clauses for natural collocations, consistent number, and subject–verb agreement while keeping the well-developed argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both the acknowledged benefits and the stronger economic and healthcare drawbacks are relevant and well developed.
Make broad causal claims more precise by explaining the conditions under which ageing populations create each economic pressure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion that follows the argument.
Replace awkward or mechanical transitions such as the construction introducing the healthcare point with simpler, more natural links.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of topic vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, though several collocations and population-related expressions are unnatural.
Use more idiomatic combinations such as older population, productive workforce, and social support, checking countability and word form.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures effectively, but recurring agreement, comparison, and clause-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Proofread each complex sentence for subject–verb agreement, singular-plural consistency, and complete comparative structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future, there will be a higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.