Some people think older employees are more useful to a company while some people believe younger employees are more useful in modern society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is observed that the success of any organisation is dependent on the employees of that business. However, different individuals have varied opinions about the peer group to be employed. According to one camp, mature workers are valuable to the company, while according to other camp, freshers are more beneficial. Both these views will be critiqued before reaching the reasoned conclusion.
On the one hand, there is a group of individuals who argue that elder workforce is advantageous for the firm. The main reason for this belief is the amount of knowledge and experience gained by these employees in their job tenure. Having a full understanding of the system used within cooperation will not only help them to take accurate decisions, but also help them to identify pitfalls at a much earlier stage. Thus, it is apparent that such capable group of employees can add a positive value to the company's growth.
On the other hand, some argue that freshers play a significant role in the growth of industries. These undeveloped bodies are fresh to the market and, thereby, are flexible enough to adapt the changes within a company. In addition to this, these forces are always eager and willing to learn and therefore, bring new ideas and perspectives to the workplace. Thus, the theory that employing youth in enterprises is worthwhile is difficult to debunk.
After analysing these two points, it is believed that both of these generations have their own important roles in the company's progress. It is thus hoped that organisations will employ an equal number of junior and senior people in order to experience stable growth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct dependency verb Original: is dependent on the employees Suggested revision: depends on the employees Why it matters: The active verb depends is more concise than the adjectival phrase is dependent.
- 2. Use correct age term Original: peer group to be employed Suggested revision: age group to employ Why it matters: Peer group refers to people of similar social standing, whereas age group matches the essay's comparison.
- 3. Remove unnecessary demonstrative Original: Both these views Suggested revision: Both views Why it matters: Both already identifies the two views, so these is unnecessary.
- 4. Use comparative adjective Original: elder Suggested revision: older Why it matters: Older compares employees by age, whereas elder is normally used for family relationships or as a noun.
- 5. Use accumulated experience phrase Original: gained Suggested revision: accumulated Why it matters: Accumulated better conveys expertise built progressively over time.
- 6. Use natural career phrase Original: in their job tenure Suggested revision: during their careers Why it matters: During their careers is the natural way to refer to experience gathered across employment.
- 7. Add indefinite article Original: such capable group of employees Suggested revision: such a capable group of employees Why it matters: The singular countable noun group requires an article after such.
- 8. Use correct value collocation Original: add a positive value Suggested revision: add value Why it matters: Add value is the standard collocation, and positive is redundant.
- 9. Maintain company focus Original: industries Suggested revision: companies Why it matters: Companies maintains the essay's focus on individual employers more precisely than industries.
- 10. Use respectful employee term Original: These undeveloped bodies Suggested revision: These inexperienced employees Why it matters: The original phrase is dehumanising and inaccurate, while inexperienced employees expresses the intended meaning.
- 11. Use workforce collocation Original: fresh to the market Suggested revision: new to the workforce Why it matters: New to the workforce is the natural phrase for employees beginning their careers.
- 12. Add required preposition Original: the Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Adapt requires to before the circumstances being adjusted to.
Suggested Rewrites
- is dependent on the employees depends on the employees
- peer group to be employed age group to employ
- Both these views Both views
- elder older
- gained accumulated
- in their job tenure during their careers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response discusses both age groups in a balanced, logically sequenced argument and reaches a clear opinion that companies benefit from employing both. Its main limitation is the reliance on general claims, followed by an unsupported recommendation for equal numbers of junior and senior staff. The highest-priority improvement is to justify the final recommendation with more specific workplace reasoning and examples that directly compare the groups' contributions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant reasons, and a clear position is given, although development remains somewhat general.
Support the recommendation for equal staffing with a concrete example showing how younger and older employees complement one another.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly organised, progresses logically, and uses cohesive devices effectively across well-focused paragraphs.
Use less formulaic framing and make the transition from the two arguments to the specific final recommendation more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a reasonable range of workplace vocabulary, but recurrent inaccurate word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace unsuitable labels such as 'undeveloped bodies,' 'forces,' and 'elder workforce' with accurate, neutral terms for employees.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted frequently and meaning remains clear, though article, agreement, preposition, and punctuation errors recur.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns, especially articles before group nouns and constructions such as 'adapt to changes.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think older employees are more useful to a company while some people believe younger employees are more useful in modern society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.