Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?
Sample Response
It is common these days for older people who need employment to compete with people much younger for the same type of work. While this can create problems, there are steps that can be taken to reduce the impacts.
The main problem is that older people may find it more difficult to secure work, which arises because younger people are more likely to have up-to-date qualifications and experience. For example, information technology is integral to a variety of jobs these days and the skills needed for this are rapidly changing. Young people may well have recent knowledge through university or through using technology in their leisure time. If older people cannot secure work, this leads to other problems. As they are likely to have a family to support, they may not have an adequate income to provide for their children’s education or other such necessities.
It is the government that needs to take measures to ameliorate such problems. This needs to begin with ensuring that older people have all the skills needed to compete in the job market, which could be achieved by providing free training on the most important job requirements at local community colleges, for example. In addition to this, the government needs to encourage employers to change their employment practices by promoting the value of experience that older workers can bring to a job.
To conclude, the main issue with competition for work between these groups is that older people may start to find it more difficult to find work. However, despite this, through the right training and changes to recruitment practices, older people can compete on an equal footing to the younger generation in the jobs market.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Place the modifier clearly Original: people much younger Suggested revision: much younger people Why it matters: Placing the degree modifier before the adjective creates a more natural noun phrase.
- 2. Use the right collocation Original: recent knowledge Suggested revision: up-to-date knowledge Why it matters: Up-to-date knowledge more precisely describes knowledge of current technology.
- 3. Improve parallel phrasing Original: through university or through using technology Suggested revision: through university study or regular use of technology Why it matters: The revision makes the two sources of knowledge parallel and more concise.
- 4. Avoid excessive certainty Original: this leads to other problems Suggested revision: this can lead to further problems Why it matters: Can accurately expresses a possible consequence rather than an inevitable one.
- 5. Name trainable skills Original: requirements Suggested revision: skills Why it matters: Training develops skills, whereas requirements are conditions that applicants must meet.
- 6. Remove word repetition Original: may start to find it more difficult to find work Suggested revision: may increasingly struggle to secure employment Why it matters: The revision removes the repeated find and expresses the trend more concisely.
- 7. Remove redundant contrast Original: However, despite this Suggested revision: Nevertheless Why it matters: However and despite this duplicate the same contrastive function.
- 8. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The fixed expression is on an equal footing with someone.
- 9. Remove vague wording Original: other such necessities Suggested revision: other necessities Why it matters: Such adds no clear meaning because no comparable necessities have been named.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: ameliorate such problems Suggested revision: address these problems Why it matters: Address these problems is more direct and natural in this policy context.
- 11. Use a concise linker Original: In addition to this Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The shorter linker connects the second solution without an unnecessary demonstrative.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The main problem is that older people may find it more difficult to secure work, which arises because younger people are more likely to have up-to-date qualifications and experience. Suggested revision: The main problem is that older people may find it more difficult to secure work because younger applicants are more likely to have up-to-date qualifications and experience. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the unclear relative clause and directly connects the difficulty to its stated cause.
Suggested Rewrites
- people much younger much younger people
- recent knowledge up-to-date knowledge
- through university or through using technology through university study or regular use of technology
- this leads to other problems this can lead to further problems
- requirements skills
- may start to find it more difficult to find work may increasingly struggle to secure employment
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay responds directly to both questions, developing the employment disadvantage and its financial consequences before proposing credible, well-linked solutions. Its main limitation is that the range of problems remains relatively narrow and the employer-focused solution is less fully developed; the best improvement would be to add a distinct second problem or explain the recruitment reform in greater practical detail.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are fully addressed with relevant, well-supported ideas and a consistently clear position on how the problem should be resolved.
Broaden the problem analysis or extend the recruitment-practice solution with a more specific mechanism or likely outcome.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing used clearly and unobtrusively.
Make the transition between the two proposed government measures slightly more analytical by clarifying how they complement each other.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a wide and precise vocabulary for employment, technology, training, and social consequences, with only occasional awkward collocation.
Refine minor combinations such as equal footing to and reduce the impacts so that phrasing is consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and meaning consistently clear.
Maintain this control while varying a few repeated relative-clause patterns to make the syntax even more economical.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.