Nowadays more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?
Sample Response
The competition between older and younger people for the same jobs has become increasingly common in today's job market. While this situation can create a number of problems, solutions exist to address the concerns from both of these age groups.
Clearly, this competition can cause a lot of headache for the parties involved. Firstly, job security for the older group may be threatened especially in careers that are more labor intensive, as employers may perceive a young candidate as more energetic and favor them to replace an older staff member as a result. This is even more likely if an older employee has spent years at the job without being promoted to a higher position. Meanwhile, young jobseekers have to face a higher entry barrier for employment. Every year, university and high school graduates compete among themselves for jobs, and with this reality, their competitors would include people who undoubtedly possess more experience as well. This puts the younger generation’s lives under pressure and would end up limiting their access to good employment opportunities.
Several measures can be implemented to resolve the aforementioned issues, fortunately. Employers, initially, should adopt policies of additional job security for older staff, in some form of program for older workers to mentor their younger counterparts. The employees, as a result, will have more opportunities to contribute at the workplace, and be less likely to feel that their livelihood is under threat. With regard to the youth, they should be encouraged to shore up their employable skills, such as leadership and communication. Taking part in extracurricular activities where they could volunteer for responsibility is usually the first step to honing these qualities. They would, as a result, stand out amidst the fierce competition in the job market.
In conclusion, the fact that older and younger people contest each other for employment certainly causes problems for both age groups. In my opinion, it is imperative to consider solutions for these issues, to ensure that all age groups have fair access to job opportunities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the count expression Original: headache Suggested revision: difficulty Why it matters: 'Headache' would need an article or plural form, while 'difficulty' fits this general meaning.
- 2. Use the right preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: 'In the job' is the natural prepositional phrase for time spent in a position.
- 3. Improve the collocation Original: a higher entry barrier for employment Suggested revision: a higher barrier to employment Why it matters: 'Barrier to employment' is the standard collocation.
- 4. Clarify the connection Original: and with this reality Suggested revision: and in this situation Why it matters: This phrase links the additional competition to the preceding situation more directly.
- 5. Keep the tense consistent Original: their competitors would include Suggested revision: their competitors include Why it matters: The paragraph describes a current reality, so the present simple is required.
- 6. Use a natural expression Original: the younger generation’s lives under pressure Suggested revision: the younger generation under pressure Why it matters: English naturally places a group, rather than its 'lives,' under pressure in this context.
- 7. Match the main verb Original: would end up limiting Suggested revision: can ultimately limit Why it matters: 'Can limit' coordinates logically with the present-tense verb 'puts.'
- 8. Clarify the relationship Original: policies of additional job security Suggested revision: policies that provide additional job security Why it matters: A relative clause clearly states what the policies are intended to provide.
- 9. Use a clear example Original: in some form of program Suggested revision: such as a program Why it matters: 'Such as' correctly introduces the mentoring program as an example of the proposed policy.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: volunteer for responsibility Suggested revision: take on responsibilities Why it matters: People 'take on responsibilities' rather than 'volunteer for responsibility.'
- 11. Make the phrasing concise Original: concerns from both of these age groups Suggested revision: concerns of both age groups Why it matters: This concise phrasing expresses the same relationship more naturally.
- 12. Use precise workplace language Original: promoted to a higher position Suggested revision: promoted to a more senior position Why it matters: A promotion normally involves moving to a 'more senior' position rather than simply a 'higher' one.
Suggested Rewrites
- headache difficulty
- at in
- a higher entry barrier for employment a higher barrier to employment
- and with this reality and in this situation
- their competitors would include their competitors include
- the younger generation’s lives under pressure the younger generation under pressure
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both requested areas directly, with particularly strong development of the different employment pressures facing older and younger workers, and it is organised with clear progression and flexible language. The main weakness is that some proposed solutions are only loosely connected to the causes identified; the highest-priority improvement is to show precisely how mentoring, job-security policies, and skills development would reduce age-based competition or expand fair employment opportunities.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the problems and solutions are addressed directly with relevant, well-extended ideas for each age group.
Strengthen the causal link between each proposed measure and the specific employment problem it is intended to solve.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised and easy to follow, although a few linking expressions are repetitive or awkwardly positioned.
Reduce repeated use of 'as a result' and place transitions where they express the precise relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and flexible, with effective employment-related language alongside occasional awkward collocations.
Refine phrases such as 'a lot of headache,' 'volunteer for responsibility,' and 'contest each other' for greater naturalness.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled accurately, with only occasional non-impeding errors and awkward constructions.
Polish agreement, article use, and clause construction in the few sentences where references or relationships become imprecise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.