In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Conversing online at jobs is more popular than meeting in person. It may be due to the spread of technology and epidemics; however, this trend has more disadvantages like it has made people isolated, ostentatious, and by and by they disregard the social values.
First off, Nowadays people have a very hectic schedule so they consider talking to their colleagues online rather than meeting personally. They just perform their duty to stay in connection with them. Thus they experience isolation. To exemplify, people usually converse when they experience any problem or need help only then they consider talking to them online. It becomes difficult for them to understand the real cause of their problem. They feel alone. Likewise, if they meet their co-workers in person, then they can share their feelings as well as troubles well. The personal touch is more important and remains for a long time than getting the same treatment online.
Moreover, masses tend to become gaudier and now and then they use jargon that becomes intelligible for others. Thus this kind of behavior makes them unpopular among their staff members. In this way, they disregard the social values that are mandatory to have a Cosmopolitan ambiance at the workplace. For instance, people equip themselves with cutting edge technology and build superiority complexes, and want to show off their knowledge to their counterparts by making them feel inferior in the usage of technology. In this way, people lose social values and become more like a machine.
In conclusion, Though conversing online has made communication instant and clear; but, it has made people isolated, people in order to make their colleagues feel inferior display their knowledge, and lose their reputation or dignity just because of their ostentatious nature. So definitely its disadvantages are greater than the advantages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural workplace phrase Original: Conversing online at jobs Suggested revision: Communicating online at work Why it matters: The revision uses the standard expression for workplace communication.
- 2. Use formal transition Original: First off Suggested revision: First Why it matters: 'First' is more appropriate for a formal essay than the conversational phrase 'First off'.
- 3. Fix capitalization Original: Nowadays Suggested revision: nowadays Why it matters: The word follows a comma within the sentence and should not be capitalized.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: a very hectic schedule Suggested revision: very hectic schedules Why it matters: The plural subject 'people' requires a plural noun in this general statement.
- 5. Use idiomatic phrase Original: meeting personally Suggested revision: meeting them in person Why it matters: 'Meet someone in person' is the natural expression for face-to-face contact.
- 6. Clarify the action Original: perform their duty to stay in connection with Suggested revision: communicate only to stay connected with Why it matters: The revision expresses the limited purpose of their communication directly.
- 7. Mark the consequence Original: Thus they Suggested revision: Consequently, they Why it matters: The revised transition and comma clearly signal the stated result.
- 8. Fix coordination Original: as well as troubles well Suggested revision: and their troubles more effectively Why it matters: The revision coordinates the two objects and avoids the misplaced repetition of 'well'.
- 9. Fix comparison structure Original: remains for a long time than getting Suggested revision: has a more lasting effect than receiving Why it matters: The revised phrase creates a grammatical comparison between the two kinds of treatment.
- 10. Use neutral noun Original: masses Suggested revision: people Why it matters: 'People' is clearer and more neutral in this formal context.
- 11. Correct word meaning Original: intelligible for others Suggested revision: unintelligible to others Why it matters: The context requires 'unintelligible' because the jargon is presented as causing misunderstanding.
- 12. Use lowercase adjective Original: Cosmopolitan Suggested revision: cosmopolitan Why it matters: A common adjective is not capitalized in the middle of a sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- Conversing online at jobs Communicating online at work
- First off First
- Nowadays nowadays
- a very hectic schedule very hectic schedules
- meeting personally meeting them in person
- perform their duty to stay in connection with communicate only to stay connected with
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear view that the disadvantages are greater and organises two supporting ideas into distinct body paragraphs. However, the advantages receive almost no development, while several claims about isolation, showiness, and social values are loosely connected or unconvincing; frequent imprecise word choices also blur meaning. The priority is to make an explicit comparison and support each disadvantage with a realistic workplace mechanism and example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and disadvantages are developed, but the comparative judgement is limited and some supporting claims are weak or implausible.
Develop at least one concrete advantage and explicitly explain why the identified disadvantages have greater practical impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overall structure and recognisable progression, though repetition and loose connections within paragraphs sometimes disrupt the argument.
Give each paragraph one focused claim and connect every example directly to the workplace consequence being argued.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a varied vocabulary, but frequent imprecise or unsuitable choices distort several ideas and reduce naturalness.
Prefer accurate workplace vocabulary over conspicuous synonyms, and verify the meaning and register of less familiar words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in punctuation, capitalization, agreement, and sentence linkage reduce accuracy.
Control clause boundaries and conjunctions first, then proofread systematically for capitalization and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.