With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The developments of technology and online communications have made it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world. Some argue that due to this development, individuals will never experience loneliness and will constantly have the opportunity to form new friendships. I personally disagree with this opinion.
While it is true that online communication has made it easier to connect with people, it is important to consider the quality of these connections. Online communication is often impersonal and lacks the depth and intimacy of face-to-face interactions. It is also easier to misinterpret tone and intention when communicating online, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. This is why someone who has more than 500 online friends might not have someone at her side when she needs that someone to take care of her when she is ill.
Moreover, the constant availability of online communication can actually make people feel more isolated and disconnected. Spending too much time online can lead to a lack of social skills and a decreased ability to form meaningful connections in person. In some cases, online communication can even become a substitute for real-world relationships, which can be detrimental to mental health and well-being. So the way I see friendship is not something that we can have just from having online communication. Online contacts can help us stay connected but never make us trusted friends.
In conclusion, while online communication has made it easier to connect with people, it is important to consider the limitations and drawbacks of these connections. Face-to-face interactions are still essential for building strong relationships and forming meaningful connections. Therefore, I do not agree with the opinion that people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends with the development of online communication.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make wording concise Original: will constantly have the opportunity Suggested revision: will always have opportunities Why it matters: This expresses the repeated possibility more directly and naturally.
- 2. State the contrast directly Original: it is important to consider the quality of these connections Suggested revision: the quality of these connections also matters Why it matters: This replacement makes the contrast after the opening clause more direct.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: constant availability of online communication Suggested revision: constant access to online communication Why it matters: Access is the more natural noun for describing continuous use of communication channels.
- 4. Remove empty intensifier Original: actually Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This intensifier adds no useful meaning to the claim.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: decreased Suggested revision: reduced Why it matters: Reduced is the more concise and natural adjective in this phrase.
- 6. Tighten the clause Original: which can be detrimental to mental health and well-being Suggested revision: potentially harming mental health and well-being Why it matters: The participial phrase expresses the consequence more concisely while preserving the claim.
- 7. Clarify the object Original: never make us trusted friends Suggested revision: cannot create trusted friendships Why it matters: The original wording incorrectly suggests that online contacts turn us into trusted friends.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: The developments of technology and online communications have made it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world. Suggested revision: Developments in technology and online communication have made it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world. Why it matters: The rewrite uses the natural preposition and treats online communication consistently as an uncountable concept.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: This is why someone who has more than 500 online friends might not have someone at her side when she needs that someone to take care of her when she is ill. Suggested revision: This is why someone with more than 500 online friends might still have no one by their side to care for them when they are ill. Why it matters: The rewrite removes repeated wording and keeps the pronouns consistent and inclusive.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: So the way I see friendship is not something that we can have just from having online communication. Suggested revision: In my view, friendship cannot be formed solely through online communication. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the confused grammatical structure while retaining the original proposition.
Suggested Rewrites
- will constantly have the opportunity will always have opportunities
- it is important to consider the quality of these connections the quality of these connections also matters
- constant availability of online communication constant access to online communication
- actually Delete
- decreased reduced
- which can be detrimental to mental health and well-being potentially harming mental health and well-being
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with coherent explanations of why online contact may lack depth or increase isolation. Its main limitation is some repetition and several awkward formulations that weaken an otherwise convincing argument. The highest-priority improvement is to express the distinction between online contacts and genuine friendship more precisely, using varied vocabulary and cleaner sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and the response develops relevant reasons and examples that directly address the claim.
Develop the second part of the prompt about making new friends a little more explicitly rather than treating it mainly through loneliness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, with clear paragraph purposes and smooth progression from concession to critique.
Reduce repeated restatement of the limitations of online communication in the final body paragraph and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, though repetition of 'connect' and several unnatural collocations reduce flexibility.
Use more natural alternatives for phrases such as 'make us trusted friends' and vary repeated connection-related wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and mostly accurate, with occasional awkward constructions that do not impede communication.
Reshape cumbersome clauses, especially 'the way I see friendship is not something', into concise and grammatically direct sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With the development of online communication, people will never be alone and will always be able to make new friends. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.