Some people say that watching live performances (shows, concerts) online—whether on TV or via computer—is more popular these days than attending them in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Streaming live performances online has witnessed a remarkable surge in popularity, fueled by technological advances and shifting consumer habits. I firmly believe that while online streams have become immensely popular, the unique draw of attending performances live continues to hold greater appeal overall.
Admittedly, streaming live performances has witnessed a marked surge in popularity over recent years. Specifically, the proliferation of diverse streaming platforms has catalysed widespread adoption, encouraging audiences to engage virtually rather than attend in person. A salient example of this phenomenon is the exclusive live streams hosted by leading artists, which routinely attract international viewership. Furthermore, high-profile live-stream events often shatter previous engagement records. For instance, virtual concert premieres often surpass earlier benchmarks and consequently draw record-breaking audiences.
Nevertheless, I maintain that attending performances in person remains the predominant preference for most spectators. The primary rationale for this lies in the prevalence of frequent sell-out events. Specifically, tours routinely fill venues to capacity—often selling out within minutes of ticket release—thereby demonstrating that consistent ticket sell-outs continue to define successful live engagements. Furthermore, strong demand from fans compels artists to schedule additional shows whenever initial run dates reach capacity, resulting in the continual extension of tour dates to satisfy widespread enthusiasm. This pattern underscores the sustained in-person popularity of live performances, reaffirming that the tangible atmosphere and communal energy of shared physical attendance cannot be fully replicated online.
In conclusion, while streaming platforms and spectacular online premieres offer unparalleled convenience and global reach, it is undeniable that the tangible excitement of sold-out arenas and the communal joy of face-to-face performances secure the primacy of attending shows in person.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid inanimate witness Original: Streaming live performances online has witnessed Suggested revision: The popularity of streaming live performances online has experienced Why it matters: Making “popularity” the subject creates a more natural collocation with “has experienced.”
- 2. Improve word order Original: unique draw of attending performances live Suggested revision: unique appeal of attending live performances Why it matters: This revision uses the conventional phrase “live performances” and a more natural noun collocation.
- 3. Clarify what increased Original: catalysed widespread adoption Suggested revision: encouraged widespread use Why it matters: “Use” identifies the audience behaviour more clearly than the abstract noun “adoption.”
- 4. Use a precise verb Original: engage Suggested revision: watch Why it matters: “Watch” states the relevant audience action more precisely than “engage.”
- 5. Remove lexical redundancy Original: predominant preference Suggested revision: preferred option Why it matters: “Predominant” and “preference” overlap in meaning, so the phrase is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 6. Simplify overlapping terms Original: prevalence of frequent sell-out events Suggested revision: frequency of sell-out events Why it matters: “Prevalence” and “frequent” repeat the same idea.
- 7. Use concise wording Original: initial run dates Suggested revision: initial dates Why it matters: “Run” adds no necessary meaning because the sentence already refers to scheduled shows.
- 8. Use accurate collocation Original: extension Suggested revision: addition Why it matters: Artists add dates to a tour, whereas individual dates are not themselves extended.
- 9. Use direct phrasing Original: secure the primacy of attending shows in person Suggested revision: make attending shows in person the more popular choice Why it matters: The revision expresses the comparison directly and avoids the overly abstract noun “primacy.”
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, virtual concert premieres often surpass earlier benchmarks and consequently draw record-breaking audiences. Suggested revision: For instance, virtual concert premieres often draw record-breaking audiences. Why it matters: The shorter sentence removes the circular sequence in which surpassing benchmarks and breaking records express the same result.
- 11. Reduce opening repetition Suggested revision: Open with the availability of diverse streaming platforms, then move directly to the artist and audience examples. Why it matters: The paragraph’s first sentence repeats the introduction before the specific explanation begins.
Suggested Rewrites
- Streaming live performances online has witnessed The popularity of streaming live performances online has experienced
- unique draw of attending performances live unique appeal of attending live performances
- catalysed widespread adoption encouraged widespread use
- engage watch
- predominant preference preferred option
- prevalence of frequent sell-out events frequency of sell-out events
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response sustains a clear disagreement and uses fluent, well-controlled complex sentences to create a polished argument. The main limitation is that repeated claims about record audiences and sold-out venues remain generic and do not conclusively establish which mode is more popular overall; use one concrete comparative example, explain its significance, and replace inflated repetition with more precise wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both online growth and continued in-person appeal are relevantly developed, but the supporting evidence is somewhat general and circular.
Demonstrate the claimed comparative popularity with a specific example or clearer reasoning that goes beyond sell-out events alone.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is easy to follow, with clear paragraph purposes and controlled progression from concession to the writer's position.
Avoid repeating closely related claims within each body paragraph so that every sentence advances the reasoning.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, although some elevated collocations sound overworked and key terms are repeated.
Prefer concise, natural phrasing over expressions such as repeated formulations about surges, benchmarks, and sell-outs.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and unobtrusive.
Refine a few densely modified sentences to improve concision while preserving the strong grammatical control.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that watching live performances (shows, concerts) online—whether on TV or via computer—is more popular these days than attending them in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.