We are seeing a significant increase in online shopping nowadays. What are the advantages of this trend? Give your own opinion and relevant examples to support your answer.
Sample Response
With the technological advancement and widespread use of computers, smartphones and other hand-held computer devices, people are doing online shopping nowadays more than ever. More store owners are going online with their products and because of the convenient shopping mechanism, customers are opting to this new trends. The advantage of this online shopping facility is huge and there are some drawbacks as well.
To mention the advantages, we have to consider the conveniences of both merchant and shoppers. Merchants can run their shops 24/7 and without any utility bill to be paid, employee salary is not required and they can reach to a whole new segment of customers. Online shopping sites like e-bay & Amazon have more than several millions of online customers and these two websites can be two great examples of online business potentials. The merchants can reach to the new and potential shoppers with their online offerings beside their physical stores. This is indeed a great prospect for the business owners to expand the business. In fact, going online is no longer an option it has become a must in today’s world.
From the customers’ point of view, online shopping saves their time and money. They no longer have to go to the shops, accept the hassle and spend more to purchase their necessary products. Nowadays all they have to do is visit online shops from their computers or phones compare products and pay online. That’s it! And the quick delivery system would ensure the delivery of the ordered products to the shopper’s doorstep. This is a comprehensive lifestyle improvement for the online shoppers. They can spend more time at home with family members than spending time in marketplaces. They do not need to carry cash and that’s a better safety in terms of payment towards the purchases.
Among the disadvantages, the first and foremost is the inability of touching and feeling the product before purchasing. An online shopper cannot touch the product and judge the quality of it before making the final decision or purchasing. They have to rely on the images and description of the products and that might often lead to dissatisfactions of the customers. The second threatening issue is the online theft and credit card information hacking that might become an alarming issue soon.
A potential hacker and the malicious computer software worms can steal the sensitive information of an online customer and cause numerous troubles to the card owners. From the merchants’ point of view, customers often disagree to pay in case of pay-on-delivery payment option and this is very negative for running a smooth business.
In conclusion, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and with time the online shopping would be the primary mode of shopping for us.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Collocation Original: opting to this new trends Suggested revision: opting for these new trends Why it matters: Use opt for, and match plural these trends.
- 2. Number agreement Original: The advantage Suggested revision: The advantages Why it matters: The following sentence discusses multiple advantages.
- 3. Plural form Original: both merchant and shoppers Suggested revision: both merchants and shoppers Why it matters: Both sides should be plural.
- 4. Plural noun Original: without any utility bill to be paid Suggested revision: without paying utility bills Why it matters: This is more natural and concise.
- 5. Plural expression Original: employee salary is not required Suggested revision: employee salaries are not required Why it matters: Use plural salaries for staff costs.
- 6. Uncountable noun Original: business potentials Suggested revision: business potential Why it matters: Potential is usually uncountable in this sense.
- 7. Preposition choice Original: beside their physical stores Suggested revision: besides their physical stores Why it matters: Besides means in addition to.
- 8. Missing punctuation Original: option it has become Suggested revision: option; it has become Why it matters: Separate two independent clauses.
- 9. Wrong verb Original: accept the hassle Suggested revision: face the hassle Why it matters: Use face or deal with a hassle.
- 10. Missing comma Original: phones compare products Suggested revision: phones, compare products Why it matters: Separate items in the action sequence.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: better safety Suggested revision: safer Why it matters: The adjective is simpler and more natural here.
- 12. Word form Original: dissatisfactions of the customers Suggested revision: customer dissatisfaction Why it matters: This is the standard noun phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- opting to this new trends opting for these new trends
- The advantage The advantages
- both merchant and shoppers both merchants and shoppers
- without any utility bill to be paid without paying utility bills
- employee salary is not required employee salaries are not required
- business potentials business potential
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay explains several advantages of online shopping with relevant examples. However, the prompt asks for advantages, while two paragraphs focus on disadvantages, so some space is not fully task-focused.
Keep disadvantages brief and spend more time developing advantages and your own opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and progression is generally logical. Some sentences need better punctuation and linking.
Use clear transitions between merchant benefits, customer benefits, and your opinion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-appropriate, with some inaccurate collocations and plural forms.
Edit phrases such as opt for, these new trends, utility bills, and dissatisfaction.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is used, but punctuation, agreement, and article errors appear regularly.
Check long sentences for missing commas and independent clauses joined without punctuation.