Online shopping is becoming more common these days. What effect could this have on the environment and the types of jobs required?
Sample Response
Nowadays, most denizens are fascinated to purchase products online owing to convenience. Although shopping online is drastically increasing over a period of time than past. As a matter of fact, buying products online can have an adverse impact on the surroundings as well as the variety of jobs are essential to curtailing this effect. In this essay, I intend to delve into the effects advent by dint of online shopping in the forthcoming paragraphs, along with some illustrations.
To commence with, the most prominent deficit of buying products online is a major impact on the physical shops. To demonstrate this, the most populace is willing to select the products by comparison with all available products. To cite a pertinent illustration, if the dwellers want to purchase one particular sort of product, then they choose indispensable items as well as with low cost. Nevertheless, the lower strata people are purchasing the products more when compared to higher strata people during this pandemic time as per the survey.
On the other hand, along with the aforementioned reasons, the negative impact is adverse on the environment. Moreover, the packaged-related stuff is causing major destruction to the environment. By virtue of, the wastage is thrown outside even though they are recyclable and no one cares about it. For instance, garbage is climbing to the peak due to the unwanted boxes packaged by the services online.
To conclude, thus, after elucidating all the concerned factors, it is ostensible that online shopping has to be at a certain limit. However, the limit exceeds the predominant effect on the environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural term Original: denizens Suggested revision: people Why it matters: 'Denizens' is unnecessarily formal and unnatural for this general reference.
- 2. Fix the verb pattern Original: are fascinated to purchase Suggested revision: prefer to purchase Why it matters: 'Fascinated' does not take a to-infinitive to express a shopping preference.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: owing to convenience Suggested revision: for convenience Why it matters: The revision expresses the reason more naturally in this context.
- 4. Replace unclear wording Original: effects advent by dint of Suggested revision: effects caused by Why it matters: The original phrase combines words that do not form a meaningful collocation.
- 5. Use the right noun Original: most prominent deficit Suggested revision: main drawback Why it matters: 'Drawback' accurately describes a disadvantage, whereas 'deficit' does not fit this meaning.
- 6. Clarify the complement Original: a major impact on the physical shops Suggested revision: its major impact on physical shops Why it matters: The possessive reference makes the relationship to online shopping clearer, and the article before 'physical shops' is unnecessary.
- 7. Use the correct quantifier Original: the most populace Suggested revision: most people Why it matters: 'Populace' is a collective noun and cannot follow 'the most' with this meaning.
- 8. Use the gerund Original: by comparison with all available products Suggested revision: by comparing all available products Why it matters: The preposition 'by' should introduce the activity that explains how people select products.
- 9. Name the relevant group Original: the dwellers Suggested revision: consumers Why it matters: 'Dwellers' means residents and does not identify people making purchases.
- 10. Clarify the intended choice Original: indispensable Suggested revision: desired Why it matters: 'Indispensable' means absolutely necessary and does not fit the stated act of choosing a particular product.
- 11. Fix the coordination Original: as well as with low cost Suggested revision: at a low cost Why it matters: The original phrase is not grammatically parallel with the preceding object of 'choose'.
- 12. Use respectful phrasing Original: the lower strata people Suggested revision: people in lower-income groups Why it matters: The revision expresses the socioeconomic category clearly and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- denizens people
- are fascinated to purchase prefer to purchase
- owing to convenience for convenience
- effects advent by dint of effects caused by
- most prominent deficit main drawback
- a major impact on the physical shops its major impact on physical shops
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest feature is its recognisable structure and its identification of packaging waste as an environmental effect of online shopping. The major limitation is that it does not answer the required question about the types of jobs needed, while much of the first body paragraph is unclear or only loosely relevant. The highest priority is to cover both task parts directly with developed, concrete examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The environmental aspect receives some relevant treatment, but the required discussion of job types is effectively omitted and several ideas are underdeveloped.
Plan one developed paragraph on environmental effects and another naming and explaining relevant jobs in logistics, warehousing, delivery, and technology.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a visible framework, but progression is weakened by unclear relationships, loosely relevant material, and inaccurately used linking phrases.
Give each paragraph one explicit task-related purpose and connect every example directly to its controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and collocations make several statements unnatural or unclear.
Choose familiar, precise expressions and verify collocations instead of relying on formal-sounding substitutes such as denizens, strata, and ostensible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent fragments and errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, and comparison reduce clarity.
Write complete subject-verb sentences first, then add subordinate clauses only when their grammatical relationship is clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Online shopping is becoming more common these days. What effect could this have on the environment and the types of jobs required?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.