Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make a positive change in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to be made in the century?
Sample Response
It is commonly deemed that the 21st century has a glorious outlook and this new era is jointly believed to be the optimal opportunity of bettering the world. Frankly, I choose to side with the majority on the grounds of facts presented in the paragraphs below.
Needless to say, the 21st century is marked by amazing progress in science and technology, as well as intense competition. Undoubtedly, the advancement in this realm will make various contributions to human society. To illustrate, the basic infrastructure will be modified, which can better serve the purpose of providing convenience and easiness in daily life. In addition, the development of cutting-edge technologies, which plays a pivotal role in coming and growing and growing phenomenon of globalization will, of course, being advantages worldwide in education, business, economy optimization, and the global synergy. Such, in turn, will carry out outcomes of great efficiency and effectiveness in every field of the community.
From another perspective, the 21st century, as a more civilized century, tends to give rise to a revolution of thinking. Compared with the industrial times, the 21st century can be called information era. On average, people around the world are more educated and thus, have more awareness of the importance of striking balance in eco-system. The increasing number of advocates who care about environmental issues like animal protection and natural contamination is the best evidence of people’s recognition of consistent development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reporting phrase Original: commonly deemed Suggested revision: widely believed Why it matters: Widely believed is the natural collocation for introducing a commonly held view.
- 2. Use precise description Original: glorious Suggested revision: promising Why it matters: Promising more accurately describes an optimistic expectation for the future.
- 3. Avoid awkward adverb Original: jointly Suggested revision: widely Why it matters: Widely expresses broad public agreement more naturally than jointly in this context.
- 4. Fix infinitive pattern Original: optimal opportunity of bettering Suggested revision: ideal opportunity to improve Why it matters: Opportunity is naturally followed by a to-infinitive, and improve is more idiomatic than better here.
- 5. Use specific reference Original: advancement in this realm Suggested revision: advances in these fields Why it matters: The plural phrase refers clearly to the previously named areas of science and technology.
- 6. Repair the relative clause Original: coming and growing and growing phenomenon of globalization will Suggested revision: the continuing growth of globalisation, will Why it matters: The revision removes repetition and closes the non-defining relative clause before the main verb.
- 7. Fix verb form Original: being Suggested revision: bring Why it matters: After will, the sentence requires the base verb bring rather than being.
- 8. Use adjective form Original: economy optimization Suggested revision: economic optimisation Why it matters: The adjective economic must modify the noun optimisation.
- 9. Clarify the concept Original: the global synergy Suggested revision: global cooperation Why it matters: Global cooperation is clearer and fits the list without an unnecessary article.
- 10. Use clear reference Original: Such Suggested revision: This Why it matters: This correctly refers back to the preceding development, whereas such cannot stand alone here.
- 11. Fix verb-noun collocation Original: carry out outcomes Suggested revision: produce outcomes Why it matters: Outcomes are produced rather than carried out.
- 12. Use natural scope phrase Original: every field of the community Suggested revision: every area of society Why it matters: Area of society is the idiomatic phrase for the broad social scope intended.
Suggested Rewrites
- commonly deemed widely believed
- glorious promising
- jointly widely
- optimal opportunity of bettering ideal opportunity to improve
- advancement in this realm advances in these fields
- coming and growing and growing phenomenon of globalization will the continuing growth of globalisation, will
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear optimistic stance and organizes two relevant areas of possible progress, which gives the discussion a recognizable direction. Its main limitation is the complete omission of the requested changes the writer would like to see, compounded by slight underlength and the absence of a conclusion. The highest priority is to answer that second question with specific proposals, explain their benefits, and close by restating the full position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer states agreement and offers relevant reasons for optimism, but does not answer the question about desired changes.
Add a developed section proposing specific changes for the century and conclude with a position covering both questions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and broad progression are clear, although development is uneven and the response ends without a conclusion.
Use each body paragraph for one explicit task component and add a concise concluding paragraph to complete the progression.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad academic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate common combinations, replacing phrases such as being advantages and carry out outcomes with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring agreement, article, punctuation, and verb-form errors weaken control.
Check the structure of every long sentence, especially subject-verb agreement and modal constructions such as will bring advantages.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make a positive change in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to be made in the century?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.