Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?
Sample Response
Change is but natural. Everything undergoes a sea of changes over a period. Many changes are expected in the 21st century. I am an optimistic person and I believe there will be many beneficial changes which I would like to see in the 21st century.
To begin with many positive changes are expected in the medical field. Our researchers are working day and night to find treatment of various types of cancers and other fatal diseases such as AIDS. Because of advanced diagnostic techniques like MRI and nuclear scan, many diseases can be detected so early that treatment is now possible. Advances are also going on for cell transplant instead of organ transplant. If this becomes true, transplant surgeries will become a thing of the past.
Furthermore, terrorism and wars will be there only in history books. The whole planet Earth has already shrunk into a global village. National boundaries will disappear completely. We will also have better alternatives to energy sources. Global warming will be dealt with effectively and everyone will have the basic amenities of life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use modern phrasing Original: Change is but natural Suggested revision: Change is natural Why it matters: Removing but makes the opening more direct and natural in contemporary academic English.
- 2. Avoid a vague metaphor Original: a sea of changes over a period Suggested revision: many changes over time Why it matters: The revision expresses the idea clearly without mixing a broad metaphor with a vague time phrase.
- 3. Add introductory comma Original: To begin with Suggested revision: To begin with, Why it matters: The introductory connector should be followed by a comma.
- 4. Fix noun complementation Original: find treatment of various types of cancers Suggested revision: find treatments for various types of cancer Why it matters: Treatments takes for when referring to diseases, and cancer is normally uncountable in this general phrase.
- 5. Fix example agreement Original: techniques like MRI and nuclear scan Suggested revision: techniques such as MRI and nuclear scans Why it matters: The plural noun techniques calls for the plural form scans, and such as introduces examples precisely.
- 6. Express the result clearly Original: detected so early that treatment is now possible Suggested revision: detected early enough for treatment to be possible Why it matters: Early enough correctly expresses that timely detection enables treatment.
- 7. Use natural academic wording Original: Advances are also going on for cell transplant Suggested revision: Research is also advancing in cell transplantation Why it matters: The original collocation with advances going on is unnatural and cell transplantation names the field clearly.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: instead of organ transplant Suggested revision: as an alternative to organ transplantation Why it matters: The revision expresses the proposed substitution in a more precise academic form.
- 9. Correct the condition Original: true Suggested revision: possible Why it matters: A medical development becomes possible rather than becoming true.
- 10. Use a natural expression Original: terrorism and wars will be there only in history books Suggested revision: terrorism and war will exist only in history books Why it matters: Exist is the appropriate verb, and war works as an uncountable general concept here.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: The whole planet Earth Suggested revision: The world Why it matters: World conveys the global meaning without the redundant combination of whole, planet, and Earth.
- 12. Fix noun modification Original: alternatives to energy sources Suggested revision: alternative energy sources Why it matters: The intended meaning is other kinds of energy source, which requires alternative as a modifier.
Suggested Rewrites
- Change is but natural Change is natural
- a sea of changes over a period many changes over time
- To begin with To begin with,
- find treatment of various types of cancers find treatments for various types of cancer
- techniques like MRI and nuclear scan techniques such as MRI and nuclear scans
- detected so early that treatment is now possible detected early enough for treatment to be possible
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response uses generally clear language and presents an unmistakably optimistic position, with relevant examples from medicine, peace, energy, and living standards. However, at only 180 words, these predictions remain largely asserted rather than explained, and the essay ends without a conclusion that consolidates the extent of the writer's optimism. The priority is to develop two or three changes with reasons and examples, then add a concise concluding judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions receive relevant answers and the optimistic position is clear, but the substantial shortfall in length leaves most proposed changes insufficiently developed.
Select two or three predicted changes and explain why they are realistic and beneficial with specific supporting examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from its position to medical and broader social changes, but the final paragraph becomes list-like and there is no conclusion.
Give the last body paragraph one controlling idea and add a conclusion that synthesizes the degree of optimism.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, though several expressions and collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as treatments for diseases, advances in cell transplantation, and alternative energy sources.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex and simple sentences is generally well controlled, and grammatical errors seldom affect clarity.
Polish punctuation after introductory phrases and check article and noun-phrase choices in technical descriptions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are optimistic of the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you share their optimism? What changes would you like to see in the new century?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.