Organized tours to remote community and other countries are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the local environment?
Sample Response
It is true that tours to remote and exotic places on the earth have gained popularity in recent years. While this has several benefits for the local community, I believe that overall the negative consequences are more significant.
Admittedly, the growth of the tourism industry has brought enormous benefits to local people. More tourists mean greater demand for food, accommodation, and services, all of which create job opportunities and a lleviate unemployment in the area. The development of tourism also has ripple effects onlocal infrastructure, with more roads and bridges being built to meet tourists’ needs. This can be seen in the case of ABC, a coastal city, and also a tourist destination in [your country].
The biggest disadvantage of the trend is, however, its adverse effects on the pristine environment and creatures living there. Forests may be cut down to make way for resorts and hotels; marine life might be threatened due to water pollution, and birds have to find other places to inhabit. In some places, waste from the hotel industry is becoming an environmental problem that concerns many people, not just environmentalists. Another drawback is that increased tourism may break social cohesion in the local community. Many people make a living by providing services for travelers and become rich while many others remain poor and struggle for the next meal. This wealth gap is gradually widening and has detrimental impacts on the bond and the shared values of indigenous individuals.
In conclusion, although the growth of tourism to remote areas and exotic countries is beneficial to some extent, it is more likely to have harmful impacts on local people and the environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: on the earth Suggested revision: around the world Why it matters: This phrase expresses worldwide travel more naturally in this context.
- 2. Moderate the claim Original: enormous Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: This wording keeps the strong positive meaning without sounding exaggerated.
- 3. Fix wording and spelling Original: create job opportunities and a lleviate unemployment Suggested revision: increase employment and alleviate unemployment Why it matters: The revision corrects the spelling of “alleviate” and avoids the repetitive phrase “job opportunities and unemployment.”
- 4. Remove template placeholders Original: the case of ABC, a coastal city, and also a tourist destination in [your country] Suggested revision: a coastal city that is also a tourist destination Why it matters: The placeholder names make the example read like an unfinished template rather than a completed essay.
- 5. Choose precise vocabulary Original: creatures Suggested revision: wildlife Why it matters: “Wildlife” is the more precise collective term for animals affected by environmental damage.
- 6. Fix verb complementation Original: inhabit Suggested revision: live Why it matters: “Inhabit” normally takes a direct object, whereas “live” works correctly after “places to.”
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: break Suggested revision: undermine Why it matters: “Undermine social cohesion” is the more natural academic collocation.
- 8. Clarify the social effect Original: detrimental impacts on the bond and the shared values Suggested revision: detrimental effects on social bonds and shared values Why it matters: The revision uses natural plural forms and removes the unclear singular reference to “the bond.”
- 9. Use accurate reference Original: indigenous individuals Suggested revision: local residents Why it matters: The argument concerns local people generally, so this term avoids implying that all residents are Indigenous.
- 10. Use neutral wording Original: exotic Suggested revision: foreign Why it matters: This phrase conveys travel abroad more neutrally and precisely.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Many people make a living by providing services for travelers and become rich while many others remain poor and struggle for the next meal. Suggested revision: Some residents become wealthy by providing services for travellers, while many others remain poor and struggle to afford their next meal. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the contrast and punctuates the two opposing outcomes correctly.
Suggested Rewrites
- on the earth around the world
- enormous substantial
- create job opportunities and a lleviate unemployment increase employment and alleviate unemployment
- the case of ABC, a coastal city, and also a tourist destination in [your country] a coastal city that is also a tourist destination
- creatures wildlife
- inhabit live
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and develops relevant benefits and drawbacks for both residents and the environment, with particularly effective explanation of environmental harm. Its main limitation is that some support remains generic or unfinished, especially the placeholder example and the broad claim about social division. Replace that example with a specific, fully explained case and tighten a few awkward word choices and spacing errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both local people and the environment, maintains a clear negative judgement, and develops several relevant consequences.
Use a concrete, completed example and explain more precisely how tourism causes the stated wealth gap.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body sections, and a consistent conclusion, with generally effective linking.
Divide the long disadvantages paragraph or sharpen its internal transitions so the shift from environmental to social effects is easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
A broad and often precise vocabulary conveys economic, environmental, and social effects effectively, despite several spelling and collocation lapses.
Proofread forms such as "alleviate" and "on local" and replace awkward phrases such as "the bond" with more natural collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence structures is used with strong control, and the few errors do not impede meaning.
Refine punctuation and article use in longer sentences to make otherwise accurate structures consistently polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Organized tours to remote community and other countries are increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for local people and the local environment?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.