Originality does not mean thinking something that was never thought before: it means putting old ideas together in new ways. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Last two decades surprisingly changed our lifestyles with technological improvements and advent of new devices such as smartphones, smart watches and 3D supporting smart televisions. But, unfortunately, succession rate is minimum if we count abortive inventions too. This essay is going to examine what genuine idea is and how should it needed to be created to become successive in today's standards. First of all, it is obvious that one of the most important flagships for mobile electronics device is "iPhone". This idea has sold millions around the world but the main thing behind its success is the ancestor of this phone which is "iPod". Although the first phone had so many problems, because of its capability of anything iPod can do and phone usage as a plus. This idea could not end up with success without previous trials of iPod project. Secondly, recently smart watches become prevalent and main idea why they become popular is because of its opulent look, ability to interact with other devices and clock ability. For example, smart watches could not be popular if we still need to use the regular watch for time management. Moreover, smart televisions with 3D support could not get much attention if it only supported 3D movies. Gladly, investors figured out that it is important to support what traditional televisions capable and as a result of this, many people become accustomed to these devices. On the other hand, many inventions vanished because of their lack of compatibility with our life, even though they were capable of great things. For example, one of the abortive ideas was to create new kind of smartphone which works as a personal computer. The idea was called as "Ubuntu" and they created products but due to the fact that many people already have a computer and happy with their smartphones, they didn't want to spend their savings on this device and as a result of this genuine device production halted.
In conclusion, mixing previous ideas improves the probability of creating genuine products and its success rather than trying to create a completely new product.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: Last two decades Suggested revision: The last two decades Why it matters: Use "the" before this time expression.
- 2. Missing article Original: with technological improvements and advent Suggested revision: with technological improvements and the advent Why it matters: Use "the advent" as a noun phrase.
- 3. Wrong word Original: succession rate Suggested revision: success rate Why it matters: "Succession" means inheritance or sequence, not achievement.
- 4. Natural wording Original: abortive inventions Suggested revision: failed inventions Why it matters: "Failed inventions" is clearer and more common.
- 5. Question-order error Original: how should it needed to be created Suggested revision: how it needs to be created Why it matters: This is an embedded clause, so do not use question word order.
- 6. Wrong adjective Original: successive in today's standards Suggested revision: successful by today’s standards Why it matters: "Successive" means following in sequence; "successful" is intended.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: flagships for mobile electronics device Suggested revision: flagship mobile electronic devices Why it matters: The noun phrase needs plural form and better word order.
- 8. Awkward clause Original: because of its capability of anything iPod can do Suggested revision: because it could do everything an iPod could do Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a clear verb structure.
- 9. Clearer phrase Original: phone usage as a plus Suggested revision: also function as a phone Why it matters: This expresses the added feature clearly.
- 10. Tense and adverb placement Original: recently smart watches become prevalent Suggested revision: smart watches have recently become prevalent Why it matters: Use present perfect for a recent development.
- 11. Precise adjective Original: opulent look Suggested revision: stylish appearance Why it matters: "Opulent" suggests luxury in a way that does not fit the argument.
- 12. Natural phrase Original: clock ability Suggested revision: timekeeping function Why it matters: This is the standard way to describe a watch function.
Suggested Rewrites
- Last two decades The last two decades
- with technological improvements and advent with technological improvements and the advent
- succession rate success rate
- abortive inventions failed inventions
- how should it needed to be created how it needs to be created
- successive in today's standards successful by today’s standards
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a relevant opinion that successful originality often combines existing ideas, and it supports this with technology examples. However, the response is narrow, focuses almost entirely on consumer devices, and does not directly explore the statement in a broader way.
State the opinion clearly in the introduction and use two developed arguments: one explaining why recombination creates originality and one acknowledging when entirely new thinking still matters.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic progression from iPhone to smart watches to smart televisions and failed inventions. Some sentences are fragments, and paragraphing is limited, so the logic can feel list-like.
Use separate paragraphs for successful recombination and failed inventions, with topic sentences that explicitly connect each example to originality.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses some relevant technology vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices reduce precision, including "succession rate", "abortive inventions", "successive" and "flagships".
Use standard innovation vocabulary: "success rate", "failed inventions", "successful", "consumer devices", "combine features" and "market adoption".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are many errors in tense, articles, clause control and sentence boundaries. Several long sentences contain missing verbs or fragments, which affects clarity.
Rewrite long example sentences into shorter subject-verb-object structures before adding complex clauses.