In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the advantages of this change outweigh its disadvantages?
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Sample Response
In some countries, people like driving to large out-of-town storeslarge city stores rather than small town-center shops. While it is a convenient way of lifegood life way, it stillsill has some problems.
One major advantage of shopping in a large mall is that this behaviour can promote the development of the economydevelopment of economy. For customers, there are more a wider variety of productsfantastic goods which can be selected by them than the small town-center shops, and they usually tend to buy more and spend more money in thesethis surroundings. For example, BBC news had interviewed some people in huge stores and small shops randomly, those intervieweesinterviewers all said they wanted to purchase more if the types of goods wereare ample. As a result, this action can develop the local economydevelop local economy better.
However, a key disadvantage of shopping in a huge supermarket is that the more people do this from small townstown, the more cars may appear on the streets, and the worse air quality will be. In some megacitiessuper city such as New York, Tokyo and Beijing, people living there always complain about thealways complaint the air quality. Some governments have introduced relevant laws to reduce the pollution. For instance, the Chinese government encouraged people to purchase electric cars instead of traditional onesone. If one person insists onin buying a conventional car, he will be levied higher taxes. In additionBy the way, a lot of public transport optionspublic transports such as buses and subways have been developedare constructed in China. As a result, this disadvantage can be solved properly.
In conclusion, we encourage people to buy something in large shopping malls, but some environmental problems caused by this should be tackled.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The essay presents a clear structure and attempts to discuss both benefits and drawbacks of shopping at large out-of-town stores. However, it drifts into discussing general pollution solutions rather than fully evaluating the prompt's specific problems, such as access issues for people without cars. To improve, focus directly on evaluating whether the advantages outweigh the prompt's specific disadvantages throughout the response.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response partially addresses the prompt by discussing an economic benefit and an environmental disadvantage, but it strays into government policy solutions instead of directly addressing access issues for non-drivers.
Ensure all main body paragraphs directly address the prompt's central issue and explicitly compare advantages against disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a standard paragraph structure, but the logical progression is disrupted in the second main body paragraph by introducing irrelevant details about electric car taxes.
Maintain a clear topic focus in each paragraph by ensuring every supporting idea directly develops the main sentence of that paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A basic vocabulary range is used to communicate main ideas, though word choices are frequently inappropriate or imprecise.
Focus on accurate word choice and collocations rather than attempting complex vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple sentence structures are mostly clear, but frequent grammatical and tense errors occur throughout complex attempts.
Review subject-verb agreement, prepositions, and noun forms to increase accuracy in sentence structures.