It has been suggested that everyone in the world want to own a car, a tv, and a fridge.do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
Civilians worldwide are living hectic life right now; to stay peacefully, they are demanding vehicles l and electronic gadgets. It is stated that everybody desires to purchase a car, a television, and a fridge. In this essay, I have described why it is more beneficial to have these things.
There are several cons if people keep buying cars and electronic gadgets. Firstly, these are the things which are harming our environment by pollutions. Cars create traffic, air pollution, noise. Tv creates eyesight problems. The refrigerator is also an anti-eco-friendly invention. Secondly, if people will keep buying these things, it will also negatively impact the economy. For example, if civilians buy a car, they will have to purchase fuels to run their vehicle; it will increase demand for fuels; thus, we will face an increased fuel rate. Fuels are connected to everything of our primary need so the rate of all our needs will also increase, and in the end, it will create lots of problems in the world. Finally, after buying these things people will become lazy. Instead of walking or using public transport, they’ll use their cars; besides, instead of exercising, creative activities, they will waste their time watching television.
However, lots of things worldwide are changing right now, so people’s needs are also changing. In the past, people lived life peacefully without any kind of device or vehicle as life was different earlier. Now a day’s people have so many things on their daily checklist. To finish all of them, they need the help of technologies. Buying a car is so beneficial because it is a time saver and is comfortable and convenient. Public transit takes time sometimes, but we can reach our location fast in a car. Some places where public transport doesn’t access one can go there quickly by car. Earlier, people have to buy groceries every day, but now they can buy in bulk and refrigerate it, so it is also convenient for them. With the help of a fridge, we can refrigerate our food to save time in cooking, and refrigerate helps in many other ways. From full-stress life, when people need entertainment, they can quickly turn on the television and watch whatever they want. Also, they can get news from anywhere in the world in a second on TV.
To conclude I would like to say, using more technologies is spoiling the environment. However, to live life with fewer problems, people have to buy a car, fridge, and tv.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article and agreement Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural subject requires the plural noun lives in this general statement.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: to stay peacefully Suggested revision: to live comfortably Why it matters: Live comfortably expresses the intended idea more naturally than stay peacefully.
- 3. Remove the stray letter Original: vehicles l Suggested revision: vehicles Why it matters: The extra letter is a typographical error that interrupts the sentence.
- 4. Choose the right verb Original: are demanding Suggested revision: want Why it matters: Want accurately expresses a desire to own these products, while demand is unsuitable here.
- 5. Use future tense Original: I have described Suggested revision: I will explain Why it matters: The introduction should use future tense to announce what the essay will do.
- 6. Use formal vocabulary Original: cons Suggested revision: disadvantages Why it matters: Disadvantages is more precise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 7. Fix the noun form Original: by pollutions Suggested revision: through pollution Why it matters: Pollution is uncountable in this general sense and needs a more suitable preposition.
- 8. Correct capitalization Original: Tv Suggested revision: Television Why it matters: The common noun should be written out and capitalized only because it begins the sentence.
- 9. Use standard wording Original: anti-eco-friendly Suggested revision: environmentally harmful Why it matters: Anti-eco-friendly is not a standard expression for environmental harm.
- 10. Fix conditional tense Original: if people will keep buying Suggested revision: if people keep buying Why it matters: A present-tense verb is required in this if-clause about a future consequence.
- 11. Use uncountable fuel Original: fuels Suggested revision: fuel Why it matters: Fuel is uncountable when referring generally to what a vehicle uses.
- 12. Use uncountable fuel Original: fuels Suggested revision: fuel Why it matters: Fuel should remain singular when it refers generally to this resource.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- to stay peacefully to live comfortably
- vehicles l vehicles
- are demanding want
- I have described I will explain
- cons disadvantages
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a recognisable structure and presents relevant advantages and disadvantages of widespread ownership, with practical examples for each item. Its main limitation is that several arguments are loosely reasoned and the language contains frequent grammatical and word-choice problems, though the central message remains understandable. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer, more convincing comparisons while checking sentence structure and collocations carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both sides and indicates that the advantages are greater, but some supporting claims are insufficiently convincing or precisely connected to the comparison.
Explain two or three major benefits and drawbacks in depth, then explicitly show why the chosen side carries more weight.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear overall sequence with appropriate paragraphing, although progression within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical or loosely connected.
Use clearer cause-and-effect links between claims and support, and avoid long strings of ideas joined mainly by semicolons or listing phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary for the topic, but frequent inaccurate forms and collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate common expressions such as pollution, fuel prices, modern technology, and stressful lives before attempting less familiar wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, plurals, conditionals, tense, and clause construction weaken control.
Edit each complex sentence for one complete main clause and accurate verb forms, then check articles and countable nouns systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It has been suggested that everyone in the world want to own a car, a tv, and a fridge.do you think the disadvantages of such a development outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.