Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In recent days, it is quite common for some children join in some workplaces in several nations. Some assert that it poses bad impacts towards the children behaviour while the others believe that it is a remarkable chance to educate children to be a responsible person. This essay will look into both views with some considerations.
People do realise that being a worker is not appropriate for children since they are still in the early age. People assert that they should enjoy their childhood first instead of participating in paid work. This is the time for them to play around together with their peers thus they will create some beautiful moments which are full of happiness in their age. In term of psychology, it develops them to be an introvert person and suffer from the social communication. They will tend to be mature earlier because they realise how hard life is. Therefore, they will lose their childhood which might never repeat again.
On the other hand, there are some benefits for children to work on early age. First, it enables to be an independent person because they can earn money by their own. Moreover, it educates them to be a responsible person because of their experiences. They will learn time management and problem-solving during working. As a result, they will be more ready to face this life even it poses a great help for them in the future since they have plenty of knowledge in that field.
It is true that children will more respect and realise the meaning of this life since they already cope with some problems. However, it will affect their behaviour and culture identity. They will have different perspectives from their peers about this kind of life. Moreover, it will interfere their educations because of spending much time on working.
To sum up, work for children can be a positive or negative thing, thus the role of parents and teachers are quite necessary to develop the children's character. As a result, children will not lose their childhood, but they are still able to gain an opportunity to work.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add infinitive marker Original: for some children join in some workplaces Suggested revision: for some children to work Why it matters: The construction requires a to-infinitive after it is common for.
- 2. Correct the collocation Original: bad impacts towards Suggested revision: negative impacts on Why it matters: The standard collocation is negative impacts on someone or something.
- 3. Use possessive form Original: the children behaviour Suggested revision: children's behaviour Why it matters: The possessive form is needed to show that the behaviour belongs to the children.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: while the others Suggested revision: while others Why it matters: Others refers generally to another group and does not take the definite article here.
- 5. Fix number agreement Original: to educate children to be a responsible person Suggested revision: to teach children to become responsible Why it matters: The revision avoids pairing plural children with the singular noun a person.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: in the early age Suggested revision: at an early age Why it matters: At an early age is the standard prepositional phrase.
- 7. Use idiomatic phrase Original: In term of psychology Suggested revision: In psychological terms Why it matters: In psychological terms is the natural expression for introducing this perspective.
- 8. Clarify the subject Original: it develops them Suggested revision: this may cause them Why it matters: This clearly refers to paid work, while cause correctly introduces the claimed effect.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: an introvert person Suggested revision: introverted Why it matters: The adjective introverted is required after the verb phrase cause them to be.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: suffer from the social communication Suggested revision: struggle with social communication Why it matters: Struggle with social communication expresses the intended difficulty naturally.
- 11. Use passive form Original: which might never repeat again Suggested revision: which can never be repeated Why it matters: A childhood is repeated by someone, so the passive form is required.
- 12. Correct age phrase Original: work on early age Suggested revision: work at an early age Why it matters: The fixed phrase uses at and requires the article an.
Suggested Rewrites
- for some children join in some workplaces for some children to work
- bad impacts towards negative impacts on
- the children behaviour children's behaviour
- while the others while others
- to educate children to be a responsible person to teach children to become responsible
- in the early age at an early age
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in presenting recognisable benefits and harms of paid work for children within a clear paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that the writer's own position is only indirectly expressed and several ideas are general, repetitive, or insufficiently explained. The highest-priority improvement is to state a precise conditional opinion and develop it with specific reasoning, while correcting the frequent grammatical and collocational errors that weaken clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are covered with relevant ideas, but development is uneven and the final position depends on parental guidance without being clearly defined earlier.
State a direct opinion in the introduction and explain the conditions under which paid work is beneficial or harmful using specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally logical sequence and uses clear paragraphing, although progression becomes repetitive and connectors are sometimes mechanical.
Give each paragraph one distinct purpose and use referencing to connect ideas instead of repeatedly relying on moreover, therefore, and as a result.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms make the expression noticeably unnatural.
Build accurate topic-specific phrases such as work at an early age, earn money independently, and interfere with education, then check them in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts a range of sentence forms, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, plurals, and prepositions reduce accuracy.
Focus first on complete verb structures and noun phrases, then proofread every sentence for articles, agreement, and singular or plural consistency.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.