The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Juvenile crimes and ways to reduce them are complex issues that require a multi-faceted solution. While educating parents with parental skills may be one way to reduce youth crimes, I disagree that it is the best way. In this essay, I will discuss why training parents with parental skills alone is not sufficient to reduce juvenile offences.
Some argue that offering training and sessions about proper parenting methods to new parents is an effective way to reduce youth crimes because parents have a significant influence on their children's behaviour. However, this view overlooks other factors that contribute to youth crimes, such as poverty, mental health, and peer pressure. For example, a study conducted by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that poverty is strongly associated with youth crimes and that parental skills alone do not reduce poverty.
Furthermore, educating parents with parental skills assumes that all parents have the same level of education, access to resources, and willingness to learn. However, this is not always the case. Parents from marginalized communities may face significant barriers to accessing education and resources that can help them develop parental skills. Moreover, some parents may not be willing to learn or may lack the motivation to improve their parenting skills.
In addition, focusing solely on educating parents with parental skills may shift the responsibility of reducing youth crimes solely onto parents. This may lead to a situation where parents are blamed for their children's delinquency, rather than addressing the root causes of youth crimes. Therefore, it is important to adopt a comprehensive approach that addresses the social, economic, and psychological factors that contribute to youth crimes.
In conclusion, addressing the root causes of youth crimes requires a comprehensive approach that takes into account the complex social, economic, and psychological factors that contribute to youth crimes. Therefore, it is important to adopt a multi-faceted approach that involves parents, communities, schools, and other stakeholders to reduce youth crimes and create a safer society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable crime Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: Crime is normally uncountable when referring generally to a social problem.
- 2. Use parenting collocation Original: While educating parents with parental skills Suggested revision: While teaching parents parenting skills Why it matters: People are taught skills, and parenting skills is the natural term.
- 3. Correct training preposition Original: training parents with parental skills Suggested revision: training parents in parenting skills Why it matters: Train someone in a skill is the appropriate pattern, and parenting avoids repetition.
- 4. Tighten training phrase Original: offering training and sessions about proper parenting methods to new parents Suggested revision: offering new parents training in effective parenting methods Why it matters: The revision uses natural prepositions and removes the vague coordination of training and sessions.
- 5. Name the adverse factor Original: mental health Suggested revision: mental health problems Why it matters: Mental health itself is not an adverse cause, so problems is needed to express the intended factor.
- 6. Use parenting collocation Original: Furthermore, educating parents with parental skills Suggested revision: Furthermore, teaching parents parenting skills Why it matters: Teaching parents parenting skills is the natural construction for this educational action.
- 7. Use parenting skills Original: parental Suggested revision: parenting Why it matters: Parenting skills is the standard term for abilities used in raising children.
- 8. Remove repeated wording Original: focusing solely on educating parents with parental skills Suggested revision: focusing solely on teaching parents parenting skills Why it matters: The revision uses the correct teaching construction and avoids repeating parental.
- 9. Use responsibility pattern Original: shift the responsibility of reducing youth crimes solely onto parents Suggested revision: place sole responsibility for reducing youth crime on parents Why it matters: Responsibility for an action is placed on someone, and youth crime is uncountable here.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This may lead to a situation where parents are blamed for their children's delinquency, rather than addressing the root causes of youth crimes. Suggested revision: This may lead to parents being blamed for their children's delinquency while the root causes of youth crime remain unaddressed. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the illogical comparison between parents and the action of addressing causes.
Suggested Rewrites
- crimes crime
- While educating parents with parental skills While teaching parents parenting skills
- training parents with parental skills training parents in parenting skills
- offering training and sessions about proper parenting methods to new parents offering new parents training in effective parenting methods
- mental health mental health problems
- Furthermore, educating parents with parental skills Furthermore, teaching parents parenting skills
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay presents a clear, sustained disagreement and develops a convincing case that youth crime requires action on social, economic, and psychological causes rather than parental training alone. Its organisation and language are strong, though repeated wording around parental skills and youth crime makes parts of the discussion less concise. The highest-priority refinement is to specify one or two alternative interventions and explain how they would address the identified causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is fully developed through relevant discussion of poverty, mental health, peer pressure, access barriers, and misplaced parental blame.
Make the proposed comprehensive approach more concrete by explaining how a school, community, or economic intervention would reduce a specific cause.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear function, and the argument progresses logically from acknowledging parental influence to presenting broader limitations and a conclusion.
Reduce repeated restatement of the same key terms by using concise referencing to connect later paragraphs to the established argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary handles social policy and youth offending effectively, with only noticeable repetition of central phrases.
Vary repeated expressions through accurate alternatives such as 'parenting education', 'juvenile offending', and 'underlying drivers' where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and naturally, with only minor local awkwardness that does not impede meaning.
Polish repeated constructions such as 'educating parents with parental skills' into more concise noun phrases to improve stylistic control.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.