Some people think that family life and parents have great influences on children’s development, while others consider that external influences play a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Influences of parents and family have great importance to the development of a child, according to many, while others opine that children's behaviour is influenced more by outside factors like friends, teachers and the environment. This essay will discuss both views, but, in my opinion, influences of parents, and family life are essential for the proper growth of a child, but environmental and external influences are more useful for them to confront life ad become successful. To commence with, parents have extraordinary impacts on their children's growth, especially to shape a good childhood. The sense of family, relationship, responsibility, and punctuality are instilled in a child by parents and it plays an influential role in their maturity. Love and attention from parents develop a strong character in a child while the lack of proper parenting often ruins it, according to many psychologists. Furthermore, children mostly mimic their parents and become more like them. Undoubtedly, this single fact proves how important it is for a child to have a family and good parenting. Conversely, to become successful and face life, we need to study in a school, interact with teachers and neighbours, have friends, face challenges, learn from our environment, gain social experiences, and all those factors have crucial roles to play in a child’s life. Parents keep their offspring safe from dangers while their real-life experiences teach them how to deal with those obstacles. Outside the home, children encounter different situations that teach them how to solve their own problems. Furthermore, children learn invaluable skills in schools which help them develop a sense of community to have a normal life beyond their family borders. To conclude, while parents have a huge impact on children’s attitude and growth, social interactions and external factors are imperative and cannot be ignored for a child's overall development, and in my opinion, more important.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural construction Original: Influences of parents and family have great importance to Suggested revision: Parental and family influences are highly important to Why it matters: The revision uses a clear subject and the natural adjective pattern “important to.”
- 2. Use measured wording Original: extraordinary Suggested revision: major Why it matters: “Major” states the substantial effect precisely without the exaggerated tone of “extraordinary.”
- 3. Fix the preposition pattern Original: especially to shape Suggested revision: especially in shaping Why it matters: The noun “impact” takes “in” before a gerund when describing the area of influence.
- 4. Clarify the list Original: The sense of family, relationship, responsibility, and punctuality Suggested revision: Family connection, relationships, responsibility and punctuality Why it matters: The revision makes each listed quality parallel and removes the unclear phrase “sense of relationship.”
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: and it plays an influential role Suggested revision: and they play an influential role Why it matters: The pronoun refers to several qualities, so it must be plural.
- 6. Clarify parental support Original: develop a strong character in a child Suggested revision: help develop a strong character in a child Why it matters: “Help develop” accurately expresses parents' contribution rather than presenting it as an automatic result.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: the lack of proper parenting often ruins it Suggested revision: a lack of proper parenting often undermines that development Why it matters: The revision replaces the vague pronoun and overly absolute verb with a clear reference to character development.
- 8. Use natural frequency wording Original: children mostly mimic their parents Suggested revision: children often imitate their parents Why it matters: “Often imitate” is a more natural and measured expression than “mostly mimic.”
- 9. Use an accurate reference Original: this single fact Suggested revision: this observation Why it matters: The preceding sentence presents a general observation rather than a single established fact.
- 10. Use a natural expression Original: borders Suggested revision: circle Why it matters: “Family circle” naturally refers to the immediate social world of the family.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: attitude Suggested revision: attitudes Why it matters: The plural group “children” has multiple attitudes, so the countable noun should be plural.
- 12. Fix the preposition Original: for Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The preposition “in” correctly identifies the developmental context in which these factors matter.
Suggested Rewrites
- Influences of parents and family have great importance to Parental and family influences are highly important to
- extraordinary major
- especially to shape especially in shaping
- The sense of family, relationship, responsibility, and punctuality Family connection, relationships, responsibility and punctuality
- and it plays an influential role and they play an influential role
- develop a strong character in a child help develop a strong character in a child
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response discusses both sources of influence and maintains a clear preference for external factors, with logically sequenced explanations of how family and wider experience shape children. Its main limitation is that support remains fairly general and some awkward wording or referencing reduces precision. The highest priority is to deepen the comparison with a specific example while refining collocations and pronoun agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is maintained, with relevant explanations of parental guidance and learning through external experience.
Strengthen the evaluation by using a specific example to show why external influences ultimately outweigh parental influence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The discussion follows a clear introduction, contrasting development, and conclusion, with cohesive devices generally supporting logical progression.
Make the comparison more integrated by explicitly linking the limits of parental protection to the benefits of outside experience.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, including precise language about development, responsibility, social experience, and community.
Refine occasional unnatural collocations such as language about confronting life, shaping childhood, and family boundaries.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally strong control, although occasional agreement, punctuation, and reference errors occur.
Review long sentences for clean clause coordination and ensure pronouns agree clearly with the nouns they refer to.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that family life and parents have great influences on children’s development, while others consider that external influences play a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.