In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 years old children?
Sample Response
It is widely believed that grown-up children should be granted to take some particular responsibilities for making their own decisions at the age of sixteen. I am on the belief that parents still have authorities on guiding their children at that time as long as it is not too much intervening. I will outline two measures that can be done by parents for guiding their children. First of all, the most important area is safety. Children tend to do something based on what they like but careless on its risks. Likewise, children are more curious than adults that they want to try anything. For instance, in some developing countries like Indonesia, especially in a village, many adolescents ride a motorcycle before they are 15 years old and they do not require a driving license. Commonly, they drive fast and do not wear a helmet. This issue needs parents’ attention. Therefore, parents should give advice and necessary information about the suitable time for them for riding a vehicle. Another measure is financial management. In some regions, most teenagers depend on their parents for money. It is my firm belief that guiding them on how to manage money from the young age will be valuable for their future. In addition, children could make a better decision on what their money should be spent on. For example, parents should give a particular amount of money regularly. They have to commit that there will be no extra funding even though it is hard up. Therefore, children’s awareness will go up and the probability of getting a part-time job is highly likely to happen.
Proper guidance from parents can build a better future for the children. Teenagers often lack the experience for taking important decisions and the parents should always be friendly and supportive while guiding their children.
In short, whilst young people are granted particular privileges at a certain age, parents still have authorities for controlling them but without too much intervening. Children still need guidance for their future wellbeing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate age term Original: grown-up children Suggested revision: adolescents Why it matters: Fourteen- to sixteen-year-olds are adolescents rather than grown-up children.
- 2. Fix passive construction Original: should be granted to take Suggested revision: should be allowed to take Why it matters: People are allowed to do something; “granted” cannot take this infinitive pattern.
- 3. Remove redundant modifiers Original: some particular responsibilities Suggested revision: certain responsibilities Why it matters: “Some” and “particular” overlap, while “certain” expresses the intended limitation concisely.
- 4. Use correct expression Original: I am on the belief Suggested revision: I believe Why it matters: English uses the verb “believe” rather than the phrase “be on the belief”.
- 5. Fix noun and complement Original: have authorities on guiding Suggested revision: have authority to guide Why it matters: “Authority” is uncountable here and is followed by an infinitive.
- 6. Use noun construction Original: as long as it is not too much intervening Suggested revision: provided that their intervention is not excessive Why it matters: The condition requires a clear noun phrase instead of “too much” plus a gerund.
- 7. Use correct collocation Original: measures that can be done by parents Suggested revision: measures that parents can take Why it matters: People take measures; measures are not normally described as being done.
- 8. Use purpose infinitive Original: for guiding their children Suggested revision: to guide their children Why it matters: An infinitive expresses the purpose of the measures more naturally.
- 9. Add verb and preposition Original: but careless on its risks Suggested revision: but are careless about the risks Why it matters: The coordinated clause needs the verb “are”, and “careless” takes “about”.
- 10. Fix result structure Original: more curious than adults that they want Suggested revision: so curious that they want Why it matters: The “so ... that” construction correctly expresses curiosity leading to the desire to try things.
- 11. Use general plural Original: especially in a village Suggested revision: especially in villages Why it matters: The statement concerns villages generally rather than one unspecified village.
- 12. Clarify licence status Original: do not require a driving license Suggested revision: do not have a driving licence Why it matters: The adolescents lack licences; they themselves do not determine whether a licence is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- grown-up children adolescents
- should be granted to take should be allowed to take
- some particular responsibilities certain responsibilities
- I am on the belief I believe
- have authorities on guiding have authority to guide
- as long as it is not too much intervening provided that their intervention is not excessive
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its practical focus on safety and financial management, supported by relevant examples of motorcycle use and controlled allowances. Its main limitation is that ‘not too much’ intervention is never defined clearly, and most development is compressed into one long paragraph with frequent language errors. The highest priority is to establish a specific principle for parental boundaries, then organise each intervention area in a separate, accurately written paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A moderate position is maintained and two relevant areas of intervention are developed, but the acceptable limit of parental control remains vague.
Define when parents should advise, set rules, or allow autonomy, and apply that principle explicitly to both safety and money management.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from safety to finances and the final position is easy to follow, but the oversized first paragraph and brief later paragraphs create poor balance.
Separate the introduction, safety discussion, financial guidance, and conclusion into four proportionate paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response has sufficient range to discuss responsibility, safety, finance, and guidance, but repeated inaccurate collocations reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as ‘granted to take responsibilities’, ‘authorities on guiding’, ‘careless on risks’, and ‘too much intervening’ with natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors in verb patterns, articles, agreement, pronouns, and clause relationships remain noticeable.
Practise complete subject–verb structures and correct verb complements, especially ‘be allowed to’, ‘be careless about’, and ‘be concerned about’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly, parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 years old children?
Your response
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