Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is observed that children are compelled to succeed by their parents. This comes down to these parents wanting the best possible outcomes for their offspring and societal expectations. However, I contend that this may be more of a negative development since it will place much undue stress on children. To begin with, there are numerous reasons why parents are pressuring their children to succeed. For one, they want to secure their future. They desire what is best for them and that usually is to perform well in school through achieving high grades. Parents believe that if their children can do that, then they can grow up to be well-adjusted adults who will secure a lucrative career in the future. Another contributing factor is societal expectations and comparisons to fellow peers. Since a child’s achievements are usually reflective of their family’s social status, this has encouraged parents to coerce their offspring to surpass their peers to maintain or bolster their family’s reputation. Nevertheless, this pressure to succeed can cause children a debilitating amount of stress. With that pressure placed on them, they may push themselves to succeed and fulfil their parents’ high expectations. However, there is the possibility of not meeting those expectations and that can influence a child’s mental state, as they can experience feelings of stress which can further develop into anxiety. Those feelings can be further exacerbated if that possibility is realized, which can lead to worse consequences such as mental breakdowns. Thus it is valid to say that this push to succeed from their parents can be crippling on children. In conclusion, children are pressured to succeed by their parents out of them wanting the best outcomes for their offspring as well as expectations society has placed on them. However, this can put children under a great amount of stress. Therefore, parents should learn to be more understanding if their progeny do not succeed and encourage them to keep trying.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the intended pressure Original: compelled Suggested revision: pressured Why it matters: Pressured conveys strong parental expectations without implying literal compulsion.
- 2. Use natural causal phrasing Original: This comes down to these parents wanting Suggested revision: This stems from parents wanting Why it matters: Stems from expresses the cause more naturally and concisely.
- 3. State the judgement directly Original: more of a negative development Suggested revision: a largely negative development Why it matters: The revision presents the qualified judgement more directly.
- 4. Avoid awkward intensification Original: much undue stress Suggested revision: excessive stress Why it matters: Undue already conveys excess, making much awkward and redundant.
- 5. Use a clearer sequence marker Original: For one Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First more clearly signals the opening reason in the sequence.
- 6. Clarify the pronoun Original: secure their future Suggested revision: secure their children's future Why it matters: Their can refer to the parents, so naming the children removes the ambiguity.
- 7. Correct the complement structure Original: and that usually is to perform well Suggested revision: which usually means performing well Why it matters: Means followed by a gerund expresses the intended explanation naturally.
- 8. Use the natural preposition Original: through Suggested revision: by Why it matters: By is the standard preposition for expressing the means of obtaining high grades.
- 9. Reduce repeated reference Original: if their children can do that, then they can Suggested revision: if their children do so, they can Why it matters: Do so avoids the vague repetition of can do that while preserving the conditional link.
- 10. Correct the career collocation Original: secure Suggested revision: pursue Why it matters: People pursue a career rather than secure a career.
- 11. Remove redundant wording Original: comparisons to fellow peers Suggested revision: comparisons with peers Why it matters: Peers already means people of a similar standing, so fellow is redundant, and comparisons normally uses with here.
- 12. Use a direct noun phrase Original: reflective of their family’s social status Suggested revision: a reflection of their family’s social status Why it matters: A reflection of is the more direct and natural construction in this sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- compelled pressured
- This comes down to these parents wanting This stems from parents wanting
- more of a negative development a largely negative development
- much undue stress excessive stress
- For one First
- secure their future secure their children's future
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response answers both questions directly, develops two credible reasons for parental pressure, and explains the negative mental-health consequences in a sustained way. Its major limitation is presentation as one uninterrupted paragraph, which obscures an otherwise logical progression; the highest-priority improvement is to separate the introduction, reasons, evaluation, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while trimming repeated references to pressure and stress.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are fully addressed with a clear negative judgement, two explained causes, and a well-developed account of the consequences for children.
Make the evaluation still more convincing by adding a concrete illustration of how sustained pressure affects a child's performance or wellbeing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a clear sequence and uses cohesive devices effectively, but the entire essay appears as one paragraph despite several distinct stages of argument.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, causes, negative effects, and conclusion, each centred on one clear function.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise academic range, although some combinations are awkward or redundant, including “much undue stress” and “fellow peers.”
Edit for natural collocation and concision, particularly where elevated vocabulary repeats an idea already expressed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and mostly accurate, with good control of subordination despite occasional awkward reference and clause construction.
Clarify pronoun references and simplify overextended sentences where repeated relative clauses make relationships less precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.