Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why is this the case? Is it a negative or positive trend?
Sample Response
In recent years, an increasing number of parents have exerted considerable pressure on their children to achieve success. While several factors are believed to contribute to the prevalence of this phenomenon, I argue that this trend is predominantly detrimental.
To begin with, some causes for the increased parental pressure on children should be carefully considered. One of the primary reasons behind this phenomenon is parents' elevated expectations concerning their children's academic and professional achievements. Many parents equate success with high-paying careers, pushing their children to excel academically and engage in numerous extracurricular activities. For example, in countries like South Korea, students are often enrolled in private tutoring sessions and extracurricular programs from a young age to improve their chances of entering top universities. Additionally, the escalating competition for prestigious schools and well-paying jobs has heightened parental anxiety. With limited access to top institutions and positions, parents feel compelled to ensure their children are well-prepared to stand out. The widespread media coverage of exceptionally young achievers only amplifies this pressure, leading parents to fear that their own children may be falling behind their peers.
However, this trend has several negative implications. Firstly, unrelenting pressure can seriously affect children’s mental well-being. Constantly striving to meet high expectations can induce significant levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout, diminishing their ability to focus and discouraging them from taking risks or exploring their own interests. For instance, studies in the United States have shown that students under constant academic pressure are more prone to mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders and depression. Over time, this can actually hinder their academic performance and stifle creativity. Secondly, this dynamic can severely strain the parent-child relationship. Children often interpret this pressure as a lack of confidence in their abilities or interests, leading to feelings of resentment and emotional detachment. Consequently, communication between parents and children may become strained, reducing the depth of emotional connection and creating an environment of tension.
In conclusion, while the desire to see children succeed is natural, the excessive pressure some parents impose is largely counterproductive. It not only jeopardizes the mental health of children but also risks undermining the crucial emotional bond between parents and their offspring, making this a negative trend overall.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: behind Suggested revision: for Why it matters: “Reasons for” is the more concise standard collocation.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: elevated expectations concerning Suggested revision: high expectations for Why it matters: “High expectations for” is more natural and direct in this context.
- 3. Use formal example marker Original: countries like South Korea Suggested revision: countries such as South Korea Why it matters: “Such as” introduces the example more precisely in formal prose.
- 4. Clarify competition Original: escalating competition for prestigious schools Suggested revision: intensifying competition for places at prestigious schools Why it matters: Students compete for places at schools, so the revision expresses the relationship more accurately.
- 5. Clarify paired nouns Original: top institutions and positions Suggested revision: top institutions and desirable jobs Why it matters: “Jobs” is more concrete than “positions” and contrasts clearly with educational institutions.
- 6. Use natural noun phrase Original: exceptionally young achievers Suggested revision: exceptionally successful young people Why it matters: The revision expresses the intended group in more natural English.
- 7. Show cumulative effect Original: only Suggested revision: further Why it matters: “Further” clearly shows that media coverage adds to the pressure already described.
- 8. Use concise collocation Original: significant Suggested revision: high Why it matters: “High levels” is the more natural and concise collocation for stress.
- 9. Use formal emphasis Original: actually Suggested revision: ultimately Why it matters: “Ultimately” expresses the longer-term outcome more precisely than conversational emphasis.
- 10. Name the cause Original: dynamic Suggested revision: pressure Why it matters: Naming the pressure creates a clearer link to the paragraph’s central subject.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: To begin with, some causes for the increased parental pressure on children should be carefully considered. Suggested revision: To begin with, several factors help explain the increase in parental pressure on children. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces vague metadiscourse with a direct topic sentence.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Children often interpret this pressure as a lack of confidence in their abilities or interests, leading to feelings of resentment and emotional detachment. Suggested revision: Children often interpret this pressure as a lack of confidence in their abilities or a disregard for their interests, leading to resentment and emotional detachment. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects the illogical coordination between confidence in abilities and confidence in interests.
Suggested Rewrites
- behind for
- elevated expectations concerning high expectations for
- countries like South Korea countries such as South Korea
- escalating competition for prestigious schools intensifying competition for places at prestigious schools
- top institutions and positions top institutions and desirable jobs
- exceptionally young achievers exceptionally successful young people
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully answers both questions, presents a consistent negative evaluation, and develops the causes and consequences with clear examples and sophisticated, well-controlled language. Its main limitation is a degree of repetition and formulaic framing around pressure and the phenomenon; the highest-priority improvement is to compress these recurring phrases and use the saved space to qualify the causal claims more precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the causes and the writer's negative judgment are directly and thoroughly developed with relevant support.
Add brief qualification to broad claims about media influence or mental-health outcomes to make the reasoning even more nuanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively guides the reader from causes to negative effects.
Vary or trim routine signposts such as To begin with and Firstly so transitions feel less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise lexical range conveys abstract ideas effectively, with only minor repetition and occasional inflated phrasing.
Reduce repeated references to pressure and this phenomenon by choosing more concise, context-specific substitutes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and consistently well controlled, with sentences remaining clear despite their length.
Refine occasional wordy passive constructions to make the syntax more direct without sacrificing complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some parents nowadays put more pressure on their children to succeed. Why is this the case? Is it a negative or positive trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.