Write about the following topic Many parents are exerting significant pressure on their children to achieve success. Why do parents push their children so hard to succeed? Do you think this trend is beneficial or harmful for children? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.
Sample Response
These days, parents are placing an enormous amount of pressure on their children to become successful in life. This essay will delve into the underlying reasons for this phenomenon and argue for the beneficial impact it has on the development of children.
The primary motivators for the heightened expectations of parents stem from the competitive nature of the global job market and a profound desire for their children to secure a prosperous future. As economies evolve and new challenges emerge, parents naturally want to equip their children with the skills and knowledge necessary to thrive. This includes not only academic excellence but also the development of critical thinking, creativity, and adaptability. The emphasis on areas such as STEM education from an early age is a testament to the efforts of parents in preparing their offspring for the demands of the future, illustrating a deep-seated commitment to their children's long-term well-being.
The positive ramifications of this parental pressure are manifold. Children learn to set high standards for themselves, developing resilience and a strong work ethic in the process. This experience of striving for excellence, coupled with the support and guidance from their parents, equips them with the ability to navigate life's challenges more effectively. Furthermore, research indicates that children who are encouraged to push their boundaries often grow into adults with higher levels of self-confidence and achievement. This not only prepares them for professional success but also instills in them valuable life skills such as perseverance, time management, and the ability to cope with failure.
In summary, the pressure exerted by parents on their children to succeed is fundamentally a positive development. It is driven by a desire to ensure that children are well-equipped for the future and results in the cultivation of essential skills and attributes that contribute to their overall success and well-being.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: become successful in life Suggested revision: achieve success Why it matters: The revision expresses the same idea more directly and avoids wordiness.
- 2. Prefer neutral verb Original: delve into Suggested revision: examine Why it matters: “Examine” is a more precise academic verb for stating the essay's purpose.
- 3. Reduce wordiness Original: beneficial impact it has on the development of children Suggested revision: benefits it brings to children's development Why it matters: The revision retains the claim in a more compact noun phrase.
- 4. Choose accurate noun Original: motivators Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: The sentence identifies causes, so “reasons” is more precise than “motivators.”
- 5. Clarify possession Original: heightened expectations of parents Suggested revision: parents' heightened expectations Why it matters: The possessive form makes clear that the expectations belong to the parents.
- 6. Use precise category Original: areas such as STEM education Suggested revision: fields such as STEM Why it matters: STEM is more accurately described as a group of fields than as an area of education here.
- 7. Simplify noun structure Original: is a testament to the efforts of parents in preparing Suggested revision: demonstrates parents' efforts to prepare Why it matters: The direct verb removes a heavy noun phrase while preserving the claim.
- 8. Use neutral collocation Original: ramifications Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: “Effects” is clearer because “ramifications” often suggests complex or adverse consequences.
- 9. Condense the phrase Original: support and guidance from their parents Suggested revision: parental support and guidance Why it matters: The adjective “parental” expresses the source more concisely.
- 10. Improve coordination Original: higher levels of self-confidence and achievement Suggested revision: greater self-confidence and higher levels of achievement Why it matters: The revision gives each coordinated noun a natural comparative form.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: This includes not only academic excellence but also the development of critical thinking, creativity, and adaptability. Suggested revision: This includes not only achieving academic excellence but also developing critical thinking, creativity, and adaptability. Why it matters: Parallel gerund phrases are required after the paired structure “not only ... but also.”
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This not only prepares them for professional success but also instills in them valuable life skills such as perseverance, time management, and the ability to cope with failure. Suggested revision: Such encouragement not only prepares them for professional success but also instills valuable life skills such as perseverance, time management, and the ability to cope with failure. Why it matters: Replacing the vague pronoun with a clear reference strengthens cohesion.
Suggested Rewrites
- become successful in life achieve success
- delve into examine
- beneficial impact it has on the development of children benefits it brings to children's development
- motivators reasons
- heightened expectations of parents parents' heightened expectations
- areas such as STEM education fields such as STEM
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response directly answers both questions, sustains a clear positive position, and develops its reasons and effects in a fluent, logically controlled argument. Its main limitation is that some claims, particularly the reference to research and the uniformly beneficial effects of pressure, remain general and insufficiently qualified. The priority is to add a concrete example and distinguish constructive parental encouragement from excessive pressure so the viewpoint becomes more credible and precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed directly through a clear position, relevant reasons, and well-developed explanations of the claimed benefits.
Qualify the argument by defining the level or form of parental pressure considered beneficial and support it with a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well organised, with focused paragraphs, clear progression, and cohesive devices that guide the reader without disrupting fluency.
Create an even tighter transition between the causes of parental pressure and its proposed benefits by explicitly linking preparation for competition to the skills discussed next.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, flexible, and generally precise, with effective use of topic-specific and abstract language throughout the essay.
Moderate slightly formulaic or inflated phrases such as “positive ramifications are manifold” where a simpler expression would convey the point more naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is handled with strong control, and errors are rare enough not to affect clarity or fluency.
Refine occasional long sentences by reducing stacked modifiers, preserving the same grammatical range while making emphasis even sharper.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Write about the following topic Many parents are exerting significant pressure on their children to achieve success. Why do parents push their children so hard to succeed? Do you think this trend is beneficial or harmful for children? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.