When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in.To what extent do agree or disagree?
Sample Response
When planning a new town, the authorities have various factors to consider and need to prioritize the construction of different facilities. To encourage active lifestyles, in my opinion, it is more important to build public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers
Providing sports facilities is an effective way to improve city dwellers' health and thus reduce the government's budget for medical expenses in the long term. In this day and age, many people live a sedentary lifestyle, choosing to watch TV or play video games after work and collapsing in front of the screen every evening. With easy access to various kinds of sport facilities they are more likely to make exercise a regular part of their lives
The park is also a good place for exercise, particularly to those who are not interested in competitive sports. Jogging, dancing and practicing Tai Chi in the park are quite common among elderly citizens these days. In a park with high greening rate, plants and trees can absorb waste gases and provide green shade, creating a comfortable environment for city dwellers. Those who spend leisure time in the park can have close contact with nature and make themselves refreshed
By contrast, the main function of shopping centers is for people to buy various goods, but in today's world where on-line shopping is becoming increasingly prevalent, the role of physical stores seems to be weakened Large shopping centers can also include some leisure facilities such as cafés and cinemas, but these are not as important as parks and sports centers
To conclude, in the process of urban planning and construction, building parks and sports facilities should be emphasized, in comparison to develop ing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add sentence ending Original: than shopping centers Suggested revision: than shopping centers. Why it matters: The sentence needs a full stop before the paragraph break.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: In this day and age Suggested revision: Today Why it matters: Today expresses the time reference more directly and concisely.
- 3. Correct the collocation Original: live Suggested revision: lead Why it matters: English conventionally uses lead rather than live with lifestyle.
- 4. Choose precise wording Original: collapsing in front of the screen Suggested revision: sitting in front of a screen Why it matters: Sitting describes the intended sedentary behaviour more accurately than collapsing.
- 5. Use a generic article Original: The Suggested revision: A Why it matters: A singular countable noun used generically requires the indefinite article here.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: for Why it matters: For is the appropriate preposition when identifying the people who benefit.
- 7. Remove dated phrasing Original: elderly citizens these days Suggested revision: older citizens Why it matters: Older citizens is more neutral and the extra time phrase is unnecessary in this context.
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: In a park with high greening rate Suggested revision: In a park with abundant greenery Why it matters: High greening rate is not a natural English description of a leafy park.
- 9. Use precise terminology Original: waste gases Suggested revision: air pollutants Why it matters: Air pollutants more accurately describes the harmful substances absorbed by plants.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: green shade Suggested revision: shade Why it matters: Trees provide shade, while green does not naturally modify shade in this context.
- 11. Use natural phrasing Original: have close contact with nature Suggested revision: connect closely with nature Why it matters: Connect closely with nature is a more natural expression for the intended experience.
- 12. Fix the complement Original: make themselves refreshed Suggested revision: feel refreshed. Why it matters: Feel refreshed is the natural complement, and the sentence also requires a full stop.
Suggested Rewrites
- than shopping centers than shopping centers.
- In this day and age Today
- live lead
- collapsing in front of the screen sitting in front of a screen
- The A
- to for
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear preference for parks and sports facilities and develops several relevant benefits, especially public health, access to nature, and the declining importance of physical shopping. The main limitation is uneven language control, culminating in an incomplete final sentence that weakens the finish. Priority should go to proofreading sentence boundaries and grammatical endings while sharpening the comparison with shopping centres.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the comparison directly, presents a clear position, and develops relevant reasons for prioritising recreational facilities.
Make the comparative case more rigorous by explaining why the identified benefits outweigh the social or leisure value of shopping centres.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical paragraph sequence, and the contrast paragraph connects clearly to the stated position.
Use complete sentence boundaries and ensure the conclusion closes the argument cleanly rather than ending with a broken phrase.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several collocations are awkward, including "high greening rate" and "make themselves refreshed."
Choose more natural collocations, such as "abundant greenery" and "feel refreshed," and check word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of complex and simple structures, although recurring article, preposition, punctuation, and word-form errors reduce control.
Proofread for missing punctuation and repair constructions such as "particularly to" and the incomplete phrase "in comparison to develop ing."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in.To what extent do agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.