Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The growing population has exacerbated the stiffness of the competition these days. Owing to this, the means of survival has made the livelihood onerous for the people. To assuage the same, students have started resorting to part-time jobs to provide for themselves. I consider it as a positive impact and in the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall be putting forth the reasoning for that.
The first positive aspect of this is to earn some money to get going with daily life activities. Many students and young people, due to various factors like family problems, cultural differences, and so forth, are somehow reduced to living all by themselves. In such a scenario, it becomes all the way more essential for them to start earning to comfortably continue with their endeavours. Also, part-time employment helps them in channeling their acquired theoretical knowledge into the practical domain. People who start earning from a younger age, typically while being a student, fosters within them a sense of responsibility and providential expenditure of the money. At times, due to increasing life expectancies of humans, the adult sole-bread earners tend to get overburdened by the responsibilities, and therefore, students who earn themselves tend to palliate being a liability over the elders.
Moreover, it gives a considerable experience for the students to get to terms with the definitions of the corporate work environment and make them competent of the future job perspectives. As is said, people who start working at a younger age tend to not only secure their future for the later stages of their life but it also tends to foster them in getting better career options and stature in the society. In addition to that, it gives them enough options to skim through and select the ones they find themselves most apposite for.
To summarize, the positive notes of students working as a part-time employee is extremely beneficial and necessary for their life ahead. People contend that while studying, students should only accentuate their studies and education, however, I feel it’s the best practice for students to go find employment especially, in their relevant field of studies for the understanding and implementation of knowledge that they acquire while still being in a college.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: stiffness of the competition Suggested revision: intensity of competition Why it matters: “Intensity of competition” is the natural phrase for strong rivalry.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: To assuage the same Suggested revision: To ease this burden Why it matters: “This burden” identifies the preceding difficulty more clearly than “the same.”
- 3. State evaluation naturally Original: I consider it as a positive impact Suggested revision: I consider this a positive development Why it matters: “Positive development” naturally describes a beneficial social trend.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: putting forth the reasoning for that Suggested revision: presenting my reasons Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same intention more naturally.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: get going with daily life activities Suggested revision: cover daily living expenses Why it matters: The replacement clearly expresses the financial purpose of earning money.
- 6. Use formal example marker Original: factors like Suggested revision: factors such as Why it matters: “Such as” is more precise for introducing examples in formal writing.
- 7. Clarify expression Original: are somehow reduced to living all by themselves Suggested revision: have to live independently Why it matters: The replacement conveys necessity clearly without the awkward phrase “reduced to.”
- 8. Use natural intensifier Original: all the way more essential Suggested revision: even more essential Why it matters: “Even more” is the standard comparative intensifier.
- 9. Clarify intended meaning Original: to comfortably continue with their endeavours Suggested revision: to support themselves Why it matters: The replacement directly expresses the practical reason students need income.
- 10. Fix verb pattern Original: helps them in channeling Suggested revision: helps them channel Why it matters: “Help” can take an object followed directly by the base verb.
- 11. Fix preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: English uses “at” when referring to the age at which an activity begins.
- 12. Fix subject agreement Original: fosters Suggested revision: foster Why it matters: The plural subject “People” requires the base-form verb “foster.”
Suggested Rewrites
- stiffness of the competition intensity of competition
- To assuage the same To ease this burden
- I consider it as a positive impact I consider this a positive development
- putting forth the reasoning for that presenting my reasons
- get going with daily life activities cover daily living expenses
- factors like factors such as
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly supports part-time work and covers both earning money and gaining useful career experience through a purposeful paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that frequent strained vocabulary and loosely controlled complex sentences obscure several explanations and make the argument sound less precise. The highest priority is to express each reason in direct, idiomatic language and support it with a concrete, relevant example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The writer presents a consistent opinion and addresses both stated benefits, though some supporting explanations are indirect or only generally developed.
Add a concrete example for each main benefit and remove tangential claims about population and life expectancy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable logical sequence and clear paragraphing, but some long sentences and loosely connected ideas disrupt flow.
Build each body paragraph around one precise claim and sequence its explanation and example more directly.
Lexical Resource
There is an ambitious range of vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce clarity and naturalness.
Prefer precise, familiar academic wording and verify the meaning and collocation of less common words before using them.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-control errors occur regularly.
Shorten overloaded sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and pronoun references.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.