People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that people, in present time, need each other while others argue that people are no longer in need of anyone else. As far as my opinion is concerned, I completely agree that people nowadays have a more independent life. This is because of the availability of both the different jobs and the means of technology.
The first reason why people live independently, in our present time, is that they have many opportunities which are sufficient for their needs. That is to say, when someone is jobless, he has a chance to apply for a job that suits his qualifications. For example, my brother finished his secondary school one year ago. He tried to find an appropriate job in a company and he was accepted immediately. Therefore, he will not need another person to depend on since he has what suffices his needs. Consequently, it can be said that the more jobs opportunities are available, the more independent people become.
The second reason that makes people independent is the means of technology. It is taken for granted that technology eases and facilitates the lives of people. For instance, if a person intends to buy a new house and he is confused or indecisive about what to choose, he can consult the internet instead of relying on other people. Through this way, he will find abundant choices and consultations which will help him in making his right choice. Hence, we can admittedly say that technology greatly contributes in the Self- reliance of people.
In conclusion, it can be unanimously inferred that unlike people in the past, people in present time enjoy and lead a more independent life reasoning from the existence of both jobs opportunities and means of technology.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix time phrase Original: people, in present time, need each other Suggested revision: people at present need each other Why it matters: “At present” is the correct time expression and does not require surrounding commas.
- 2. Use concise stance phrase Original: As far as my opinion is concerned Suggested revision: In my view Why it matters: The concise phrase states the writer’s opinion more naturally.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: have a more independent life Suggested revision: lead more independent lives Why it matters: People conventionally “lead lives,” and the plural agrees with “people.”
- 4. Clarify paired causes Original: availability of both the different jobs and the means of technology Suggested revision: availability of both diverse jobs and technology Why it matters: This revision removes unnecessary articles and expresses the two causes clearly.
- 5. Remove disruptive commas Original: independently, in our present time, Suggested revision: independently at present Why it matters: The concise time phrase integrates into the clause without commas.
- 6. Use precise wording Original: opportunities which are sufficient for their needs Suggested revision: opportunities that meet their needs Why it matters: Opportunities “meet needs” more naturally than being sufficient for them.
- 7. Remove wrong possessive Original: finished his secondary school Suggested revision: finished secondary school Why it matters: The educational stage is expressed without a possessive determiner here.
- 8. Correct workplace preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: “At a company” is the natural preposition for an employer.
- 9. Avoid awkward wording Original: another person to depend on Suggested revision: someone else to depend on Why it matters: “Someone else” expresses the contrast more directly and naturally.
- 10. Clarify the meaning Original: what suffices his needs Suggested revision: enough to meet his needs Why it matters: This phrase conveys the intended idea with a natural verb-noun collocation.
- 11. Use direct phrasing Original: reason that makes people independent Suggested revision: reason people are more independent Why it matters: The revised wording states the causal relationship more directly.
- 12. Remove faulty noun phrase Original: is the means of technology Suggested revision: is technology Why it matters: “Technology” alone is the correct complement after “is.”
Suggested Rewrites
- people, in present time, need each other people at present need each other
- As far as my opinion is concerned In my view
- have a more independent life lead more independent lives
- availability of both the different jobs and the means of technology availability of both diverse jobs and technology
- independently, in our present time, independently at present
- opportunities which are sufficient for their needs opportunities that meet their needs
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant reasons through a logical four-paragraph structure and concrete examples. Its main limitation is that the reasoning is sometimes simplistic and is expressed through noticeably awkward or overly formal phrasing, which reduces precision. The highest priority is to deepen the comparison with the past while replacing forced expressions with accurate, natural academic language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers the question directly, sustains a clear position, and extends two relevant reasons with examples.
Explain more precisely how employment and technology reduce dependence compared with the past, avoiding assumptions that one example proves the wider claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised, and each paragraph has a clear central purpose with generally effective progression.
Reduce formulaic linking phrases and make the logical connections within examples more explicit and natural.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and over-formal choices limit precision.
Replace expressions such as means of technology, jobs opportunities, and unanimously inferred with natural, context-appropriate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A useful variety of complex sentences is mostly clear, though recurring article, preposition, noun-form, and punctuation errors remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for articles, plural noun forms, prepositions, and unnecessary commas around short adverbial phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.