All fathers should be entitled to time off work when their child is born. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Whether fathers should be given paternity leave has become a topic of debate. From my point of view, this notion is commendable for several reasons.
To start with, allowing for men’s use of parental leave will help relieve stress off their partners and themselves. First, fathers and mothers alike experience tension prior to, during, and after childbirth; therefore, paternity leave should be given to help them cope with a new phase in their lives. It has been scientifically proven that males can undergo couvade syndrome, in which fathers-to-be suffer from some of the similar symptoms as their pregnant partners. If these men are forced to work, their productivity could decrease and their work quality may be affected negatively. Moreover, taking care of a newborn is oftentimes a taxing phase in a woman’s life; that is why having their partner share the burden of childcare will be mentally and physically beneficial to new mothers. Spouses can take turns looking after the baby, letting the other parent rest and at the same time, forming close bonds with their child.
In addition, paternity leave can be financially beneficial, especially towards working mothers. In families where the woman is the main breadwinner, having the husbands stay at home to look after their children can help relieve financial stress. Additionally, paternity leave can also contribute to reducing the wage gap between males and females by empowering mothers to preserve their profession and delegating equal parenting responsibilities between the two sexes, leaving more time for women to focus on their careers. Moreover, for families in which the grandparents cannot help taking care of newborns, the parents can save a huge amount of money on nannies to support new mothers since the fathers can play that role.
To conclude, fathers should have the right to take time off work after their children are born. This is because paternity leave will help new parents relieve stress, both mentally and financially.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the policy clearly Original: this notion is commendable Suggested revision: this policy is beneficial Why it matters: Policy refers more precisely to the proposed entitlement, and beneficial previews its advantages.
- 2. Use direct verb form Original: allowing for men’s use of parental leave Suggested revision: allowing men to take parental leave Why it matters: Allow takes an object followed by a to-infinitive in this meaning.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: off Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Relieve stress for someone is the appropriate construction here.
- 4. Fix the comparison Original: some of the similar symptoms as Suggested revision: some symptoms similar to those of Why it matters: Similar is followed by to, and those of provides a grammatical comparison.
- 5. Match the plural reference Original: partner Suggested revision: partners Why it matters: Partners should be plural to agree with the later reference to new mothers.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: towards Suggested revision: for Why it matters: Beneficial for is the natural construction when identifying the people who receive the benefit.
- 7. Remove the article Original: having the husbands stay at home Suggested revision: having husbands stay at home Why it matters: Husbands is used generically here, so it does not take the definite article.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: preserve their profession Suggested revision: continue their careers Why it matters: Continue a career is the natural expression for remaining in employment.
- 9. Clarify the verb pattern Original: cannot help taking care of newborns Suggested revision: cannot help care for newborns Why it matters: Here help means assist and is followed naturally by a bare infinitive, rather than the idiom cannot help doing.
- 10. Use formal wording Original: save a huge amount of money on nannies Suggested revision: save a substantial amount of money on childcare Why it matters: Substantial and childcare express the financial point more formally and broadly.
- 11. Clarify the categories Original: relieve stress, both mentally and financially Suggested revision: reduce both emotional and financial stress Why it matters: The replacement makes the two types of stress grammatically parallel and semantically clear.
- 12. Use natural terminology Original: males can undergo couvade syndrome Suggested revision: men can experience couvade syndrome Why it matters: Men is more natural in this context, and experience collocates appropriately with a syndrome.
Suggested Rewrites
- this notion is commendable this policy is beneficial
- allowing for men’s use of parental leave allowing men to take parental leave
- off for
- some of the similar symptoms as some symptoms similar to those of
- partner partners
- towards for
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant benefits of paternity leave with specific explanation. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in collocation and a few overextended sentences, which occasionally make the argument sound less natural; the highest-priority improvement is to use simpler, more idiomatic phrasing while sharpening the financial argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains its agreement, and develops relevant emotional and financial benefits in detail.
Strengthen the financial case by explaining more precisely how universal entitlement would affect different families and employers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and logical sequencing support strong progression, though repeated additive transitions sometimes feel mechanical.
Use fewer signposting words and rely more on the logical relationship between consecutive sentences to create smoother cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and topic-specific, but several collocations are awkward or imprecise despite remaining understandable.
Use more idiomatic combinations, such as 'relieve stress for,' 'maintain a career,' and 'help care for a newborn.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, although several local construction and agreement errors occur.
Simplify overextended sentences and check comparative structures, pronoun reference, and singular-plural agreement during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
All fathers should be entitled to time off work when their child is born. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.