In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Rich people, for any privileged healthcare service, should turn to private healthcare facilities and the public healthcare facilities should equally treat the citizens regardless their wealth and status. If affluent people are given priority in a public-funded medical care, the poor would be deprived of their rights to get medical treatment and that is why I totally disagree with the notion that the exclusive healthcare in public funded system should be given to those who can pay more money. To begin with, a government has an obligation to ensure healthcare service for all of its citizens. If better medical services in a public funded system are for sell, it would only degrade the overall healthcare service in a country and symbolise a weak and corrupt administration. Furthermore, any public service, including healthcare, is run by taxpayers' money and offering exclusive services to rich people would create a backdoor for corruption. Similarly, it would deprive citizens of getting the service at all as rich people would start consuming the whole facility. With regards to prioritise medical service, only rich people can afford that and most of the poor cannot even think of getting it. So, only an autocratic government whose sole purpose is to make money and exercising power rather than serving the people would plan to actually execute such a detrimental and whimsical plan. Having said that, the private funded exclusive and expensive medical facilities are always there and wealthy people can avail this service for them anytime they want. This is why adopting money-can-buy-better-service in a public funded healthcare system is perhaps the step to destroy a fair medical service in a country. To conclude, health care is a sensitive sector and any policy that can reduce its overall quality of service should always be discarded. In my personal opinion, and I am sure it would also reflect the opinion of the majority in my country, prioritised medical service in a public funded settlement should never be implemented as it has a severe negative effect that would hinder poor people from getting healthcare facilities at all.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix modifier form Original: a public-funded medical care Suggested revision: publicly funded medical care Why it matters: The adverb “publicly” should modify the participle “funded,” and “medical care” is uncountable here.
- 2. Use singular right Original: their rights to get medical treatment Suggested revision: their right to receive medical treatment Why it matters: The singular “right” and the verb “receive” form a more natural expression in this context.
- 3. Fix article and modifier Original: the exclusive healthcare in public funded system Suggested revision: exclusive healthcare in a publicly funded system Why it matters: The countable noun needs an article, and “publicly” correctly modifies “funded.”
- 4. Use natural plural Original: service Suggested revision: services Why it matters: The plural form is more natural when referring generally to services available to citizens.
- 5. Correct fixed expression Original: sell Suggested revision: sale Why it matters: “For sale” is the correct fixed expression; “sell” is a verb.
- 6. Match plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject “medical services.”
- 7. Fix preposition Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: The verb “deprive” takes “of,” whereas this structure with “prevent” meaning requires “from.”
- 8. Correct the collocation Original: consuming the whole facility Suggested revision: monopolising the entire service Why it matters: People can monopolise a service, while “consume a facility” is not natural in this context.
- 9. Correct fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard expression is “with regard to,” with singular “regard.”
- 10. Use gerund form Original: prioritise medical service Suggested revision: prioritising medical services Why it matters: The preposition “to” must be followed by a gerund in this phrase.
- 11. Keep conditional tense Original: only rich people can afford that Suggested revision: only rich people could afford it Why it matters: “Could” maintains the hypothetical frame established by the surrounding argument.
- 12. Use parallel verbs Original: exercising Suggested revision: exercise Why it matters: Coordinated verbs after “to” should use parallel base forms.
Suggested Rewrites
- a public-funded medical care publicly funded medical care
- their rights to get medical treatment their right to receive medical treatment
- the exclusive healthcare in public funded system exclusive healthcare in a publicly funded system
- service services
- sell sale
- it they
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and develops a relevant fairness-based case with a broad range of vocabulary and complex structures. Its main weakness is presentation: the response is effectively one continuous paragraph, while several awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and revise recurring word-form, preposition, and phrasing errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained throughout, and the central arguments about equal access, taxation, and private alternatives are relevant and developed.
Replace some broad or emotive claims with a concrete explanation of how paid priority would affect treatment access in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a generally logical sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and some mechanical transitions weaken overall organisation.
Separate the introduction, distinct supporting arguments, counterpoint, and conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response shows good range, but recurring collocational and word-form problems such as 'for sell' and 'private funded' reduce precision.
Check fixed expressions and adjective forms, especially around public funding, access to services, and prioritised treatment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and usually clear, although errors with prepositions, articles, parallel structures, and verb forms recur.
Proofread complex clauses for complete grammatical parallelism, as in 'to make money and exercise power,' and for missing prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.