Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age group. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Sample Response
Peer pressure is an observable phenomenon in young people. While it is undoubtedly a powerful force that can shape the behavior and decisions of individuals, in my opinion, its disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Understanding the benefits of this dynamic is one of the keys to determining the drawbacks. A notable upside is that peer pressure may motivate young people into discovering new interests that they may not have considered otherwise. After seeing photos of their peers at the gym, an adolescent might feel encouraged to take part in similar physical exercises, which is helpful for their physical health in turn. The same can apply to academic performance, where young people may be positively influenced to work hard and keep up with their peers. Without a sense of competition, it can be difficult to let the most brilliant and diligent students in a class shine.
However, the drawbacks of peer pressure far outweigh the gains. Peer pressure can, in a way, evoke a sense of isolation or exclusion among young individuals should they deviate from the behavior their peers are accustomed to. If this happens in a classroom, the student affected by this feeling is likely to experience a deterioration in mental health, affecting their grades, for instance. Furthermore, as much as peer pressure can nudge young people in a positive direction, it can do the opposite as well. For a teenager who makes the mistake of hanging around with the wrong crowd, said adolescent is easily egged on to engage in inappropriate behavior such as smoking and underage drinking. Worse, they might attempt to bring severe consequences upon themselves by dropping out of school, taking drugs or committing delinquencies. Hence, it could be argued that the issues caused by peer pressure offset whatever advantage produced.
In conclusion, peer pressure clearly leads to young people engaging in risky behavior and making decisions not in their best interests. These repercussions outweigh peer pressure’s benefits, so it is important that the young be aware of its potential effects.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: in Suggested revision: among Why it matters: Among is more natural when referring to a phenomenon occurring within a group.
- 2. Correct verb pattern Original: motivate young people into discovering Suggested revision: motivate young people to discover Why it matters: Motivate takes a to-infinitive rather than into followed by a gerund.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: similar physical exercises Suggested revision: similar forms of exercise Why it matters: Forms of exercise is a more natural collocation in this context.
- 4. Tighten the expression Original: which is helpful for their physical health in turn Suggested revision: which in turn benefits their physical health Why it matters: The revision expresses the result more directly and naturally.
- 5. Clarify peer expectations Original: behavior their peers are accustomed to Suggested revision: behavior accepted by their peers Why it matters: Accustomed to describes familiarity and does not clearly express the expected social norm here.
- 6. Avoid legalistic wording Original: said Suggested revision: that Why it matters: Said is unnecessarily legalistic when referring back to the teenager.
- 7. Correct collocation Original: bring severe consequences upon themselves Suggested revision: suffer severe consequences Why it matters: People suffer consequences rather than bring consequences upon themselves in this context.
- 8. Use correct noun Original: delinquencies Suggested revision: crimes Why it matters: Delinquency is normally uncountable here and does not collocate naturally with commit in the plural.
- 9. Complete the clause Original: whatever advantage produced Suggested revision: whatever advantages it produces Why it matters: The clause needs a subject and finite verb, and advantages should be plural.
- 10. Use neutral reference Original: the young be aware Suggested revision: young people be aware Why it matters: Young people is clearer and more natural than the young in this sentence.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Understanding the benefits of this dynamic is one of the keys to determining the drawbacks. Suggested revision: Considering the benefits of this dynamic first helps clarify how they compare with the drawbacks. Why it matters: The revision makes the paragraph's comparison and progression clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- in among
- motivate young people into discovering motivate young people to discover
- similar physical exercises similar forms of exercise
- which is helpful for their physical health in turn which in turn benefits their physical health
- behavior their peers are accustomed to behavior accepted by their peers
- said that
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistent position, supported by relevant discussion of both beneficial and harmful peer influence. Its main limitation is that a few claims are somewhat broad or loosely expressed, especially the link between competition and high-achieving students. The priority is to sharpen the reasoning behind each example and use more precise collocations so that an already well-developed argument becomes consistently convincing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the comparison, maintains a clear position, and develops both benefits and disadvantages with relevant examples.
Make the causal link in each example more explicit, particularly the claim about competition allowing diligent students to shine.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly through the comparison.
Replace a few awkward transitions and references with more direct links between each claim and its supporting explanation.
Lexical Resource
A wide vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although several collocations such as “motivated into discovering” and “committing delinquencies” are imprecise.
Prioritize natural verb-noun and verb-preposition combinations so sophisticated vocabulary remains consistently idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex structures with strong control, and the few errors do not impede meaning.
Proofread subordinate clauses and agreement carefully to eliminate isolated slips such as the incomplete phrase “whatever advantage produced.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age group. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.