Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
These days many individuals are choosing to give tech companies their personal information to gain access to software. Although using this software makes people’s life easier, I believe that the benefits do not outweigh the drawbacks because companies are able to constantly influence consumers’ choices.
The main advantage of sharing your private data with tech companies is that the software they provide you makes your life simpler. This is because this software offers users personalized help in their daily matters so that they can avoid wasting time and energy doing things that they can easily do with the aid of technology. For example, Google Drive offers you a free cloud-based storage where all your documents and pictures are automatically saved and you can access them from any device at any time, without worrying about saving them on a pen drive that you might lose. However, I believe that this argument is weaker because people should prioritize their privacy.
One of the disadvantages is that once they have access to your data, tech corporations can use them to control your choices at all times. This is to say that tech companies harvest the data you agreed to share with them, and through an in-depth analysis performed by artificial intelligence and through complex algorithms, they create profiles based on your interests, likes and dislikes. These profiles are then sold to third-party companies for advertising purposes. For example, Google records all your google searches and all the videos you watch on YouTube and then decides what type of advertisement you would be more susceptible to. This targeted marketing has proven extremely successful. I believe this argument is stronger because people are deceived from these companies to generate revenues.
In conclusion, although providing confidential information to tech firms in order to use software simplifies your life, I believe that being continuously influenced in your decisions is a major drawback. For these reasons, I think that the negatives far outweigh the positives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural agreement Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural noun people requires the plural noun lives.
- 2. Fix provide structure Original: they provide you Suggested revision: they provide Why it matters: Provide takes a direct object here, so you is unnecessary.
- 3. Remove incorrect article Original: a free cloud-based storage Suggested revision: free cloud-based storage Why it matters: Storage is uncountable in this context and does not take a.
- 4. Clarify pronoun reference Original: once they have access to your data Suggested revision: once these corporations have access to your data Why it matters: Naming the corporations removes the momentary ambiguity of they.
- 5. Fix pronoun agreement Original: them Suggested revision: it Why it matters: Data is treated as a singular mass noun in this sentence.
- 6. Streamline technical phrasing Original: through an in-depth analysis performed by artificial intelligence and through complex algorithms Suggested revision: using artificial intelligence and complex algorithms Why it matters: The revision removes repetition and expresses the method more directly.
- 7. Capitalize proper name Original: google Suggested revision: Google Why it matters: Google is a proper noun and requires a capital letter.
- 8. Use plural form Original: type of advertisement Suggested revision: types of advertisements Why it matters: The plural form fits the general range of targeted advertising shown to a user.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: more susceptible to Suggested revision: more likely to respond to Why it matters: People respond to advertisements; susceptible to is incomplete and unnatural here.
- 10. Fix influence collocation Original: influenced in your decisions Suggested revision: influenced in the decisions you make Why it matters: This phrasing correctly expresses influence over a person’s decision-making.
- 11. Use concise opening Original: These days many individuals are choosing Suggested revision: Many individuals now choose Why it matters: The revision states the current trend more directly.
- 12. Keep pronouns consistent Original: makes your life simpler Suggested revision: makes users’ lives simpler Why it matters: Referring to users maintains a consistent third-person perspective.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- they provide you they provide
- a free cloud-based storage free cloud-based storage
- once they have access to your data once these corporations have access to your data
- them it
- through an in-depth analysis performed by artificial intelligence and through complex algorithms using artificial intelligence and complex algorithms
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and develops both sides through a controlled, logical argument, with especially effective explanation of data-driven advertising. Its main limitation is that the Google Drive example demonstrates convenience more clearly than the exchange of personal data, and a few awkward collocations reduce precision. Strengthen the causal link in the advantage paragraph and polish word choice and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparison directly, maintains a clear position, and develops both sides, though the advantage example only partly illustrates the data-for-software exchange.
Choose an advantage example that explicitly shows how sharing personal data enables a useful software service and explain that causal link.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion, with cohesive devices used effectively overall.
Make the final evaluative sentence in each body paragraph connect more specifically to the evidence immediately before it.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, particularly for privacy and targeted advertising, despite a few awkward or inaccurate collocations.
Refine combinations such as makes people's lives easier, susceptible to advertising, and deceived by companies.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentences is handled with strong control, while occasional article, agreement, and preposition errors do not impede meaning.
Check plural agreement, article choice, and prepositions during a final edit to remove the remaining local inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.