Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject in their curriculum? if yes what are its advantages?
Sample Response
In this modern era, physical activities have an important role in everybody’s life and especially students. institutions should include physical activity as a necessary subject in their curriculum. it has enormous advantages and there are a number of safes activities that can be done in daily life. this will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject
The first and foremost thing is that physical events make a student healthy not only physically but mentally also. for instance, some students do hard work in their studies but they avoid physical activities and due to this, they feel tired both mentally and physically. furthermore, besides their studies, when they have free time, sometimes, they indulge in bad activities like drug addiction, robbery, gambling because “an empty mind is a devil workshop”. instead of this, they should take part in games which would give them not only name but fame also. they keep themselves busy in free time activities and it is sometimes beneficial for them to adopt it as a professional game which could make their future bright.
There are a number of physical activities which are safe and secure for the learners. they can opt yoga which is very famous, nowadays, all over the world. one can do it at home and even in his bedroom also.yoga has numerous positive consequences and it is helpful to cure a number of ailments and it is proved in many cases. moreover, one can do cycling in the ground which needs no proper training and one can do on its own. athletics is also the safe sport which does not need any special equipment and every student can afford it. Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject
In conclusion, physical activities are a “part and parcel” of every student.so, authorities should not only make it a part of the curriculum but should encourage students to take part in it also because only a healthy individual can build a strong nation. Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete the comparison Original: in everybody’s life and especially students Suggested revision: in everybody’s life, especially in students’ lives Why it matters: The second element needs its own preposition and noun to be grammatically parallel.
- 2. Capitalise sentence opening Original: institutions Suggested revision: Institutions Why it matters: The first word of a new sentence must begin with a capital letter.
- 3. Use adjective form Original: safes Suggested revision: safe Why it matters: The adjective ‘safe’ does not take a plural ending.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: this will be discussed Suggested revision: These advantages will be discussed Why it matters: The plural noun gives ‘this’ a clear referent and matches the preceding claim.
- 5. Delete copied prompt fragment Original: upcoming paragraphs. Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject Suggested revision: upcoming paragraphs. Why it matters: The repeated question is source text and interrupts the transition to the body.
- 6. Use consistent activity term Original: events Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: ‘Physical activities’ is the accurate term for exercise and games in this argument.
- 7. Fix paired construction Original: healthy not only physically but mentally also Suggested revision: healthy both physically and mentally Why it matters: ‘Both…and’ creates a balanced and natural parallel structure.
- 8. Capitalise transition Original: for Suggested revision: For Why it matters: The transition begins a new sentence and therefore requires a capital letter.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: do hard work in their studies Suggested revision: work hard in their studies Why it matters: English uses the verb phrase ‘work hard’, rather than ‘do hard work’, in this context.
- 10. Improve transition wording Original: furthermore, besides their studies Suggested revision: Furthermore, outside their studies Why it matters: The revision capitalises the transition and clarifies that the discussion concerns free time.
- 11. Correct fixed expression Original: a devil workshop Suggested revision: the devil’s workshop Why it matters: The fixed expression requires the possessive form and the definite article.
- 12. Use direct alternative marker Original: instead of this Suggested revision: Instead Why it matters: ‘Instead’ clearly introduces the preferred alternative without an unclear pronoun.
Suggested Rewrites
- in everybody’s life and especially students in everybody’s life, especially in students’ lives
- institutions Institutions
- safes safe
- this will be discussed These advantages will be discussed
- upcoming paragraphs. Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject upcoming paragraphs.
- events activities
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response gives a clear affirmative position and identifies understandable benefits, especially improved health and constructive use of free time. However, the discussion is uneven because one body paragraph mainly lists activities rather than advantages, repeated task wording disrupts the essay, and frequent language errors reduce control. The highest priority is to develop two distinct benefits with clear explanations and examples while removing copied headings and proofreading sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The main questions are answered and some benefits are explained, but the list of safe activities is only partly relevant and ideas are unevenly developed.
Build each body paragraph around one clear advantage and explain exactly how compulsory physical activity would produce that benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing and sequencing are visible, but mechanical linking, unclear references, and repeated task wording interrupt progression.
Remove the repeated prompt text and use topic sentences followed by logically ordered explanation and support.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-form choices weaken precision.
Use natural combinations such as take up yoga, improve wellbeing, and participate in sport, and avoid memorised idiomatic phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in capitalisation, articles, agreement, pronouns, punctuation, and sentence boundaries reduce accuracy.
Prioritise complete, correctly punctuated sentences and then check every sentence for capitals, articles, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should institutions include physical activities as a necessary subject in their curriculum? if yes what are its advantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.