It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions?
Sample Response
In recent years, maintaining physical fitness and overall well-being has become one of the top priorities for people. One of the most effective method is exercising, yet many city dwellers find it challenging to exercise frequently. This essay will analyze some of the reasons as well as propose some feasible solutions to this concern.
On the one hand, a lack of physical exercise is caused by several factors. First, a large proportion of the city population devote all their time to working and such a commitment reduces the amount of spare time and energy for exercising. In addition, the sedentary lifestyle that many young people nowadays prefer is another contributor to this issue. Since most teenagers and young adults are used to spending most of their time sitting in front of the TV screens or surfing social networking sites, physically exhausting activities seem unnecessary and unappealing.
On the other hand, there are numerous measures that the government could do to improve the situation. To begin with, a new law that shortens the average working hours should be introduced. If workers are allowed to leave work early, they will be able to spend time pursuing healthy activities and habits. Secondly, more financial resources should be allocated to educating city residents, especially the young generations, about the paramount importance of physical exercise. An online propagation campaign about the potential health risks of sedentary behaviors on popular websites such as Facebook and Twitter, for example, will serve as a warning for people who do not exercise enough and in turns, encourage a healthier lifestyle.
To sum up, citizens of many big cities, although fully aware of the vital role of physical exercise, still confront many difficulties in making it a habit, and two main solutions including reducing working hours and raising people’s awareness can help tackle this problem.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: method Suggested revision: methods Why it matters: The structure ‘one of the’ must be followed by a plural count noun.
- 2. Use precise noun Original: concern Suggested revision: problem Why it matters: ‘Problem’ refers more precisely to the difficulty described in the task than ‘concern’.
- 3. Clarify the subject Original: a large proportion of the city population devote Suggested revision: many city residents devote Why it matters: This revision avoids uncertain number agreement and identifies the people directly.
- 4. Improve noun phrase Original: the sedentary lifestyle that many young people nowadays prefer Suggested revision: the preference for a sedentary lifestyle among many young people nowadays Why it matters: The revised noun phrase expresses more naturally how the lifestyle contributes to the problem.
- 5. Use accurate term Original: physically exhausting activities Suggested revision: physical activities Why it matters: The issue concerns exercise generally, not only activities that are exhausting.
- 6. Use correct collocation Original: do Suggested revision: take Why it matters: The standard collocation is ‘take measures’, not ‘do measures’.
- 7. Clarify quantity Original: the average working hours Suggested revision: the average number of working hours Why it matters: ‘Number of’ is required when referring to a count of hours.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: the young generations Suggested revision: the younger generation Why it matters: The singular collective expression is more natural when referring generally to young people.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: propagation Suggested revision: awareness Why it matters: ‘Awareness campaign’ is the conventional phrase for public health education.
- 10. Fix preposition Original: for Suggested revision: to Why it matters: A warning directed at an audience takes the preposition ‘to’.
- 11. Use fixed phrase Original: turns Suggested revision: turn Why it matters: The linking expression is the singular fixed phrase ‘in turn’.
- 12. Clarify the reference Original: confront many difficulties in making it a habit Suggested revision: face considerable difficulty in making exercise a habit Why it matters: This revision uses a natural collocation and makes the pronoun’s reference explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- method methods
- concern problem
- a large proportion of the city population devote many city residents devote
- the sedentary lifestyle that many young people nowadays prefer the preference for a sedentary lifestyle among many young people nowadays
- physically exhausting activities physical activities
- do take
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is well organized and addresses both causes and solutions with clear explanation and relevant examples. Its main weakness is a small but noticeable group of grammatical and collocational slips, such as inaccurate noun forms and awkward word combinations, which slightly reduce precision. Prioritize a final language edit to correct agreement and word-form errors and replace unnatural phrases with standard academic collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly addresses both causes and solutions, developing each main idea with relevant explanation and examples.
Strengthen the answer further by acknowledging practical limits to the proposed working-hours law and explaining how it could be implemented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly through the argument.
Replace the contrast-oriented body transitions with labels that more precisely signal the shift from causes to solutions.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports fluent discussion, with only occasional awkward collocations and word-form choices.
Revise phrases such as government measures and public-awareness campaigns into their most natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with strong control, although a few agreement and word-form errors remain.
Proofread plural nouns, verb agreement, and fixed adverbial forms to remove the remaining localized inaccuracies.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.