Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is thought that the information regarding politicians’ personal lives should not be shared in print media. This essay strongly agrees with this suggestion because publishing these details could be harmful to their families, and obtaining this type of information might require breaking the law.
First and foremost, what makes that the details related to private aspects of politicians’ lives should not be shared in newspapers is that it could be harmful not only to these individuals but also to their families. This is because revealing some details from their personal lives could expose them to unwanted comments or allegations, which might lead to a great deal of distress. In Poland, for instance, in 2015, the vice-prime minister committed suicide due to not handling the pressure caused by the paparazzi invading his and his family’s private life.
Furthermore, obtaining this type of information, in most cases, means breaking the law. This is because the right to privacy is one of the most fundamental policies in society, and anyone who wants to access the lives of politicians must obtain their consent. However, not only are paparazzi hired to invade properties belonging to politicians to take photos without their permission, but also politicians’ colleagues and relatives are bribed to share confidential facts from their lives. For instance, an accident in which Princess Diana was killed was partly caused by the paparazzi who followed her car, trying to take photos of her and her boyfriend against their will.
In conclusion, I strongly support the suggestion that politicians’ lives should not be subject to the interest of newspapers because revealing personal facts from politicians lives could destroy their family life and the process of obtaining these details often required wrongdoing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: private aspects of politicians’ lives Suggested revision: politicians’ private lives Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 2. Correct reason clause Original: due to not handling the pressure Suggested revision: because he could not cope with the pressure Why it matters: A finite clause clearly identifies who was unable to cope.
- 3. Use precise noun Original: invading his and his family’s private life Suggested revision: invading his and his family’s privacy Why it matters: Privacy is the appropriate noun for the protected personal sphere being invaded.
- 4. Correct word choice Original: policies Suggested revision: rights Why it matters: The right to privacy is a right rather than a policy.
- 5. Clarify the object Original: access the lives of politicians Suggested revision: access information about politicians’ lives Why it matters: People can access information about lives, not the lives themselves.
- 6. Tighten the phrasing Original: an accident in which Princess Diana was killed Suggested revision: the accident that killed Princess Diana Why it matters: This version states the relationship more directly and naturally.
- 7. Fix the collocation Original: subject to the interest of newspapers Suggested revision: a subject of interest to newspapers Why it matters: The natural construction is a subject of interest to someone.
- 8. Add possessive apostrophe Original: politicians lives Suggested revision: politicians’ lives Why it matters: The plural possessive noun requires an apostrophe after politicians.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: the information regarding Suggested revision: information about Why it matters: Information about is the more direct and natural expression here.
- 10. Fix clause structure Original: what makes that Suggested revision: the reason Why it matters: A noun phrase correctly introduces the reason for the claim.
- 11. Tighten the wording Original: the details related to Suggested revision: details of Why it matters: Details of expresses the relationship more concisely.
- 12. Clarify the reference Original: it could be harmful Suggested revision: revealing them could be harmful Why it matters: Naming the action removes the vague pronoun reference.
Suggested Rewrites
- private aspects of politicians’ lives politicians’ private lives
- due to not handling the pressure because he could not cope with the pressure
- invading his and his family’s private life invading his and his family’s privacy
- policies rights
- access the lives of politicians access information about politicians’ lives
- an accident in which Princess Diana was killed the accident that killed Princess Diana
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports both main reasons with relevant explanation and concrete examples. Its main limitation is occasional imprecision and awkwardness in phrasing, which weakens an otherwise convincing argument. The highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and sentence construction so that complex ideas are expressed more naturally and precisely throughout.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and developed with explanation and examples.
Develop the causal link in each example more critically rather than relying on a dramatic event as sufficient proof.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Use more natural internal transitions and reduce repetitive references to personal details and private lives.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as fundamental policies and subject to the interest of newspapers with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally secure control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Proofread possessives, tense consistency, and awkward clause openings to improve grammatical precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.