Many countries are still facing problems regarding a huge population. To control the ever increasing population many people believe that Government can control the population through taxes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is true that the population increases tremendously in many countries in these days, and this causes different types of problems in the earth. That is why many people believe that government should augment the taxes to the family, who has the more children than the certain number. While I accept this policy may have some detrimental effects on the human life, I believe it is more auspicious than harmful. On the one hand, there are some good reasons why increasing taxes can bring some inconveniences to the people. Firstly, people have their own choice and right because they are independent and free to adopt any decision about their personal life; so, no one can influence them. Secondly, the difference between the rich and poor would be increased in the sense that the richer people may take the children above a certain amount through their money. This could result in immense embarrassment to the rich and poor people. Finally, governments may apply the alternative solution to control the population such as the advertisement, education, free contraception device and so on, which are maybe more substantial. Thus, it is clear that this idea has some drawbacks. On the other hand, increasing tax is one of the most efficient ways in which the state can easily control the population. All regimes have the full authority to take any useful decision about their country when the government faces any practical problem. Moreover, if the government takes this intensive decision to raise the tax, the people of the country will discourage to take more children. As an example, since the government of China has already applied this method, they are now successful in controlling the over slums. Therefore, this instance makes it clear that the administration can manage the overpopulation through this significant action. In conclusion, governments have the power to take necessary steps to prevent the excess population. In my opinion, the tremendous amenity of increasing taxes is one of the best solutions to control the slums.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove time preposition Original: in these days Suggested revision: these days Why it matters: The fixed present-time expression is these days.
- 2. Use Earth preposition Original: problems in the earth Suggested revision: problems on Earth Why it matters: Problems occur on Earth, and the planet name is capitalised.
- 3. Add content-clause marker Original: While I accept this policy may have Suggested revision: While I accept that this policy may have Why it matters: Accept takes a that-clause for the proposition being acknowledged.
- 4. Use benefit comparison Original: auspicious Suggested revision: beneficial Why it matters: Beneficial is the appropriate adjective for a useful policy.
- 5. Use inconvenience collocation Original: bring some inconveniences to the people Suggested revision: cause people inconvenience Why it matters: Cause someone inconvenience is the natural collocation.
- 6. Use plural rights Original: their own choice and right Suggested revision: their own choices and rights Why it matters: The general reference covers multiple choices and rights.
- 7. Use decision collocation Original: adopt Suggested revision: make Why it matters: People make decisions rather than adopt them.
- 8. Name unequal outcome Original: immense embarrassment Suggested revision: considerable inequality Why it matters: Inequality matches the economic difference described in the preceding sentence.
- 9. Use plural policy phrase Original: apply the alternative solution Suggested revision: adopt alternative solutions Why it matters: The list contains several solutions, and policies are adopted.
- 10. Fix example list Original: such as the advertisement, education, free contraception device and so on Suggested revision: such as advertising, education and free contraceptive devices Why it matters: The revision makes the list parallel and removes the redundant and so on.
- 11. Place modal naturally Original: which are maybe more substantial Suggested revision: which may be more effective Why it matters: May be is the standard modal structure, and effective fits policy outcomes.
- 12. Use plural taxes Original: tax Suggested revision: taxes Why it matters: The policy concerns taxes generally, so the plural noun is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- in these days these days
- problems in the earth problems on Earth
- While I accept this policy may have While I accept that this policy may have
- auspicious beneficial
- bring some inconveniences to the people cause people inconvenience
- their own choice and right their own choices and rights
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear qualified support for taxation and its attempt to acknowledge individual rights, inequality, and alternative measures. Its main limitation is that several arguments are unclear or factually unsupported, especially the China example and repeated confusion between overpopulation and slums, while frequent language errors obstruct precision. The highest-priority improvement is to use accurate evidence and explain one credible tax mechanism in direct, grammatically controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a position and considers drawbacks and benefits, but key support is confused, insufficiently explained, or inaccurately exemplified.
Explain how a specific tax policy would change family decisions and support it with an accurate, directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The opposing and supporting sides are identifiable through basic signposting, though the single-paragraph format and unclear logical links make progression mechanical.
Use separate paragraphs for objections and support, and connect each claim to a clearly stated consequence before moving on.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts vocabulary related to taxation, rights, contraception, and government policy, but frequent misuse often obscures the intended meaning.
Replace inaccurate phrases such as “take children,” “intensive decision,” “over slums,” and “tremendous amenity” with precise policy language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning can usually be recovered, but frequent errors in articles, prepositions, agreement, verb patterns, and clause construction occur throughout.
Use shorter sentence patterns and check each verb for the correct complement, such as “discourage people from having more children.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many countries are still facing problems regarding a huge population. To control the ever increasing population many people believe that Government can control the population through taxes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.