Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The 21st century has already seen considerable progress in technology. It is true that this improvement in technology has revolutionised our lives. However, I believe that this has more negatives harms than benefits on individual's life. In this essay, the manner in which development of technology has affected communication and employment opportunities will be analysed. To begin with, people nowadays are more dependent on the electronic devices for communicating with others. A good illustration for this is the recent innovation of the ‘Whatsapp’ which provides an alternative for sending messages free of charge. Although this innovation has eased the means of communication it is nowhere compared to the face-to-face communication and it lacks the feeling of closeness. Thus, the link between improved technology and degraded communication skills can be seen. In addition, advancement in technology has resulted in replacing people with the machines at various workplaces. For instance, the existence of labour-saving devices such as dishwasher, washing machine and vacuum cleaner acts as a substitute for the house-maids causing the rise in the unemployment. Because of this, individuals have to depend on the government for their basic needs and thus the economy of the country is affected. Therefore, the negative implications on the work status as well as the economy of the society are clear. From the above examples, it is difficult to debunk that technological advances have afflicted the peoples' lives. It is thus hoped that the elected representatives will take measures to minimise the usage of technology in certain places for the well-being of the society.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repeated technology Original: this improvement in technology Suggested revision: this technological progress Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating “technology” and uses a natural collocation.
- 2. Use concise noun phrase Original: the manner in which development of technology Suggested revision: the ways in which technological development Why it matters: The plural “ways” fits the two effects analysed, and the adjective creates a natural phrase.
- 3. Remove incorrect article Original: dependent on the electronic devices Suggested revision: dependent on electronic devices Why it matters: The plural noun refers to devices generally and does not take the definite article.
- 4. Use purpose infinitive Original: for communicating with others Suggested revision: to communicate with others Why it matters: The to-infinitive expresses the purpose of using the devices more directly.
- 5. Fix example preposition Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun “illustration” takes “of” when referring to the point exemplified.
- 6. Name the application clearly Original: the recent innovation of the ‘Whatsapp’ Suggested revision: the messaging application WhatsApp Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary articles and identifies WhatsApp accurately as an application.
- 7. Use natural purpose phrase Original: an alternative for sending messages free of charge Suggested revision: a way to send messages free of charge Why it matters: “A way to send” is the natural construction for describing this function.
- 8. Use precise development terms Original: the link between improved technology and degraded communication skills Suggested revision: the link between technological advances and declining communication skills Why it matters: “Advances” and “declining” describe the opposing trends more naturally.
- 9. Use plural advances Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: Multiple technological developments are being discussed, so the plural noun is appropriate.
- 10. Clarify replacement agent Original: resulted in replacing people with the machines Suggested revision: resulted in machines replacing people Why it matters: The revised gerund clause makes machines the agent of the replacement and removes the unnecessary article.
- 11. Use location preposition Original: at Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Workers and machines operate “in” workplaces rather than “at various workplaces” in this general statement.
- 12. Use natural reliance verb Original: depend Suggested revision: rely Why it matters: “Rely on” is a more natural collocation for continuing financial support.
Suggested Rewrites
- this improvement in technology this technological progress
- the manner in which development of technology the ways in which technological development
- dependent on the electronic devices dependent on electronic devices
- for communicating with others to communicate with others
- for of
- the recent innovation of the ‘Whatsapp’ the messaging application WhatsApp
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear negative position and follows a logical sequence through communication and employment examples. Its main limitation is that the second argument relies on a questionable connection between household appliances and broad unemployment, while frequent awkward collocations, article errors, and the lack of paragraphing reduce precision and readability. Prioritise developing better-supported causal arguments in distinct paragraphs and editing sentences for natural grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and two relevant negative effects, but the employment argument is only partly convincing and remains insufficiently supported.
Use a stronger workplace-automation example and explain each causal link carefully to substantiate the claimed social consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognisable introduction, two-part progression, and conclusion, but the absence of paragraphing and mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Divide the response into clear paragraphs and use transitions that show how each example supports the central position.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for the topic and some less common language, but frequent word-form and collocation errors make expression awkward.
Correct combinations such as negative harms, benefits on an individual's life, and difficult to debunk, favouring simpler precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response mixes simple and complex structures, but recurring article, agreement, possessive, and punctuation errors limit accuracy.
Proofread noun phrases and clause boundaries, especially articles, plural forms, possessives, and commas in longer sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that modern technology has more negative effects on our lives than positive ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.