Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is opined by many that poverty is the primary cause of most crimes. I agree with this opinion and believe that poverty positively correlates with crimes because it restricts access to fundamental resources and also creates a vicious circle.
Poverty encourages criminal behaviours by limiting access to resources. To put it simply, poverty places constraints on access to basic resources; for instance, housing, treatment, education and employment. And when people are deprived of quality education and employment opportunities, they are faced with a bleak future for upward social mobility. This, in turn, drives them to despair, desperation, and an increased likelihood of involving in illegal activities. For example, individuals living on the brink of destitution may resort to criminal activities as a means of survival.
Similarly, destitution perpetuates crimes by creating a vicious cycle of poverty and crime. Poverty, in fact, can create a circle of generational deprivation, where children born into poverty-stricken families tend to suffer from a range of disadvantages, including limited educational and job opportunities, exposure to substance abuse and violence, and lack of role models. In turn, this leads individuals to engage in criminal activities, thereby perpetuating poverty. In simple words, deprived individuals are more likely to be involved in criminal activities, leading to legal punishments that further continue their poverty. People with criminal records, for instance, usually face severe difficulty finding a job, which can drive them to a continued circle of poverty and crime.
To conclude, I believe that poverty is a major contributor to crime as it restricts basic resources and creates a continued cycle of poverty and crime. However, governments should provide deprived individuals with easy access to quality education, healthcare and employment opportunities to break the nexus between poverty and crime.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix correlation structure Original: poverty positively correlates with crimes Suggested revision: poverty is positively correlated with crime Why it matters: The passive structure is correlated with is required here, and crime is uncountable in this general sense.
- 2. Use uncountable behaviour Original: behaviours Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: Behaviour is normally uncountable when referring generally to criminal conduct.
- 3. Introduce examples correctly Original: resources; for instance, Suggested revision: resources, including Why it matters: Including introduces the following list directly, whereas the semicolon incorrectly separates it from the clause.
- 4. Name the resource Original: treatment Suggested revision: healthcare Why it matters: Healthcare is a clearer parallel category alongside housing, education, and employment.
- 5. Fix mobility collocation Original: a bleak future for upward social mobility Suggested revision: bleak prospects for upward social mobility Why it matters: Prospects for mobility is the natural collocation for limited future opportunity.
- 6. Remove near repetition Original: despair, desperation Suggested revision: desperation Why it matters: Despair and desperation convey nearly the same idea, so one term is sufficient.
- 7. Fix involvement pattern Original: likelihood of involving in illegal activities Suggested revision: likelihood of becoming involved in illegal activities Why it matters: A person becomes involved in an activity rather than involves in it.
- 8. Use uncountable crime Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: Crime is uncountable when referring to criminal activity in general.
- 9. Use standard cycle phrase Original: a circle of generational deprivation Suggested revision: a cycle of intergenerational deprivation Why it matters: Cycle and intergenerational are the natural terms for deprivation continuing across generations.
- 10. Add the article Original: and lack of role models Suggested revision: and a lack of role models Why it matters: The countable noun phrase lack of role models requires an article.
- 11. Fix causal phrasing Original: legal punishments that further continue their poverty Suggested revision: legal penalties that further perpetuate their poverty Why it matters: Perpetuate accurately expresses poverty being prolonged, while continue their poverty is unnatural.
- 12. Use cycle collocation Original: a continued circle of poverty and crime Suggested revision: a continuing cycle of poverty and crime Why it matters: A continuing cycle is the natural phrase for a recurring pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- poverty positively correlates with crimes poverty is positively correlated with crime
- behaviours behaviour
- resources; for instance, resources, including
- treatment healthcare
- a bleak future for upward social mobility bleak prospects for upward social mobility
- despair, desperation desperation
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response's strongest feature is its sustained causal argument, moving from restricted access to education and employment into a convincing cycle linking poverty, crime, punishment, and continued deprivation. The main limitation is some repetition of the cycle and a few awkward grammatical or lexical choices. The highest priority is to make the second causal strand more concise and precise while briefly acknowledging why poverty may not explain every category of crime.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is fully developed through two relevant causal mechanisms and supported with specific, persuasive examples.
Briefly qualify the claim by distinguishing poverty-related crime from offences driven by other motives, while maintaining the stated position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically from immediate resource deprivation to an intergenerational cycle, with focused paragraphs and clear referencing.
Reduce repetition of poverty and crime in the second body paragraph by using tighter references to the established cycle.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise across deprivation, social mobility, criminal behaviour, and policy, with only occasional awkward combinations.
Use natural phrases such as likelihood of becoming involved, perpetuates crime, and cycle of deprivation instead of less precise variants.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled well, although a few verb-pattern and sentence-opening errors remain.
Correct isolated patterns such as likelihood of being involved and integrate clauses beginning with And into complete sentences.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.