Nowadays parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It has been increasingly common for parents to require their children to excel at school and in other competitive environments, often at the price of sacrificing most other interests. This result-oriented approach is, according to those in favour of it, a necessary evil to give young learners a competitive edge before they reach adulthood, preventing them from missing precious opportunities or progressing too slowly. Is this claim justified?
There are two main reasons for adopting a strict tiger parenting style. The one that attracts the most publicity is scarcity-induced fear. The fact that academic excellence is the main admission factor for top schools and colleges means that when parents arrange their children’s schedule, they tend to prioritize resume-worthy activities and expect them to produce results that justify the time and money invested. Another reason is the perception that performance equals competence. Rather than encouraging their children to explore and find their passion, many are more concerned with their exams and contest results and so leave their learning needs and potential unattended.
The natural consequences of paying too much attention to results can be serious. A major problem is the long-term effect on skill development. Being trained to achieve good grades and win competitions does not mean that children have developed independent thinking and communication skills, essential assets of functioning members of society. Also, the parents’ high regard for excellence can create a sense of alienation and lower self-esteem. Given high levels of academic pressure, young learners may face harsh criticism which creates self-doubt about their abilities and intelligence, resulting in an impression that they are unworthy of their parents’ attention.
In general, although competition is fierce for the best education and career, demanding one’s children to be nothing but the best at school and elsewhere is not the wisest approach. Alternatively, attention should be paid to what they need for their long-term growth and happiness.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: at the price of sacrificing most other interests Suggested revision: at the expense of most other interests Why it matters: The replacement expresses the trade-off more naturally and concisely.
- 2. Signal the first reason Original: The one that attracts the most publicity Suggested revision: The first reason Why it matters: This directly identifies the first of the two reasons and improves progression.
- 3. Refine admissions phrasing Original: the main admission factor Suggested revision: the main factor in admissions Why it matters: The replacement uses a more natural academic collocation.
- 4. Match plural reference Original: schedule Suggested revision: schedules Why it matters: The plural possessive reference calls for the plural noun “schedules.”
- 5. Improve parallel phrasing Original: exams and contest results Suggested revision: exam and competition results Why it matters: Parallel noun modifiers make the paired categories more concise and natural.
- 6. Use precise complements Original: leave their learning needs and potential unattended Suggested revision: leave their learning needs unmet and their potential undeveloped Why it matters: The revision uses a precise complement for each distinct noun.
- 7. Clarify noun relationship Original: independent thinking and communication skills, essential assets of functioning members of society Suggested revision: independent-thinking and communication skills, which are essential for functioning as members of society Why it matters: The relative clause states clearly how the skills relate to effective participation in society.
- 8. Clarify parallel effects Original: can create a sense of alienation and lower self-esteem Suggested revision: can create feelings of alienation and low self-esteem Why it matters: The revision presents both emotional effects as parallel noun phrases.
- 9. Identify the perceiver Original: resulting in an impression Suggested revision: giving them the impression Why it matters: The pronoun makes clear that the young learners form this impression.
- 10. Correct demand structure Original: demanding one’s children to be Suggested revision: demanding that one’s children be Why it matters: “Demand” takes a that-clause with the base verb in this construction.
- 11. Link the two effects Suggested revision: Add a clearer internal transition when moving from skill development to the emotional consequences of parental pressure. Why it matters: The paragraph shifts from practical skills to self-esteem, so a more explicit link would strengthen its progression.
Suggested Rewrites
- at the price of sacrificing most other interests at the expense of most other interests
- The one that attracts the most publicity The first reason
- the main admission factor the main factor in admissions
- schedule schedules
- exams and contest results exam and competition results
- leave their learning needs and potential unattended leave their learning needs unmet and their potential undeveloped
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response's strongest feature is its incisive, well-organised explanation of both parental motivations and the damaging consequences of excessive pressure, supported by precise and sophisticated language. Its main limitation is that some claims remain abstract rather than being grounded in a concrete illustration. The highest-priority improvement is to develop one consequence through a specific, plausible example while preserving the essay's clear negative position.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses both questions with a clear negative position and well-developed explanations of causes and consequences.
Strengthen the argument further by adding one concrete example that demonstrates a stated consequence in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, distinct cause and consequence paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Make the transition from the discussion of causes to consequences slightly more explicit to sharpen the overall argumentative progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas naturally, including effective phrases such as scarcity-induced fear and competitive edge.
Refine the few slightly awkward collocations, particularly the construction demanding one's children to be, for consistently idiomatic expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with only rare non-impeding slips.
Polish the occasional awkward infinitive or noun-phrase construction while retaining the current variety of sentence forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.