Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that the rate of crime has far considerably boomed in many parts of the globe. All age groups’ lives have negatively been affected by this inflation, and I think overpopulation, immigration, and employment issues are prominent factors behind it. To tackle them, some important solutions are needed to be implemented by governments and by the society. I agree that the crime rate in the world has increased but I also believe that this can be tackled.
Obviously, the rate of offence has inclined far dramatically since last decades. One important reason behind it is that expansion of cities and increasing density of people have not been in parallel. Escalation the rate of rage among juveniles, armed robberies, and rape are three obvious examples that unfortunately police and other security authorities have not been successful in controlling them. Another reason is the occupation. Sadly, the number of jobless individuals has fundamentally increased globally. The economy recession occurred in 2008, caused the number of jobless people raised far significantly. For example, only in the USA, this rate reached from 5% to over 10%, causing more citizens to have insufficient income; therefore, Americans committed more money crimes and tax frauds. Lastly, immigration has been another leading reason behind it. Moving and living in other developed countries, immigrants have committed more violations because they have faced more financial problems, and they intentionally or unintentionally crossed the lines, which have been extremely important for the local government.
To address this problem, some proactive actions must be considered by administrations across the world. One is controlling the population, especially in central cities. Restricting those rural people deciding to move into urban areas, the rate of crime will become more controllable. In particular, in Tehran, the living cost was dramatically pulled up as the government decided to avoid people living in the suburb to move into Tehran. This led the state being able to control better violators, according to a local press report. Moreover, governments must open better job opportunities for job seekers. Definitely, had the U.S authorities valued more the unemployed citizens, the rate of vandalism would have been declined far significantly. And last but not least, immigrants must be valued more. Instead of uncontrollably increasing their numbers, the host country must raise the needed budget for their training, accommodation, and create more job opportunity.
To sum up, crime rates have escalated on the Earth. To prohibit them, I personally believe that governments of countries must improve job positions for both local residents and immigrants, and controlling of the population in cities must be a leading priority.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: far considerably boomed Suggested revision: risen considerably Why it matters: Boomed is unsuitable for a crime rate, and far considerably is redundant.
- 2. Correct reference word Original: inflation Suggested revision: increase Why it matters: Inflation usually concerns prices, whereas increase correctly refers to the crime rate.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: To tackle them Suggested revision: To tackle these problems Why it matters: Them has no clear grammatical antecedent because the preceding nouns are presented as factors.
- 4. Fix passive structure Original: are needed to be implemented Suggested revision: need to be implemented Why it matters: The modal meaning requires need to be implemented rather than are needed to be implemented.
- 5. Remove the article Original: by the society Suggested revision: by society Why it matters: Society takes no article when it refers generally to the public.
- 6. Add required article Original: that expansion of cities Suggested revision: that the expansion of cities Why it matters: The specific expansion being discussed requires the definite article.
- 7. Complete the comparison Original: been Suggested revision: progressed Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a verb showing how the two trends have developed.
- 8. Use suitable adverb Original: fundamentally increased Suggested revision: increased significantly Why it matters: Significantly describes the scale of an increase more accurately than fundamentally.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: economy Suggested revision: economic Why it matters: Economic is the adjective needed to modify recession.
- 10. Repair clause structure Original: occurred in 2008, caused Suggested revision: in 2008 caused Why it matters: Removing occurred and the comma gives the sentence one clear finite verb.
- 11. Fix verb form Original: raised far significantly Suggested revision: to rise significantly Why it matters: Cause takes an object followed by to plus an intransitive verb, and rise is required here.
- 12. Use change verb Original: reached Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: Rose from correctly expresses movement between two percentages.
Suggested Rewrites
- far considerably boomed risen considerably
- inflation increase
- To tackle them To tackle these problems
- are needed to be implemented need to be implemented
- by the society by society
- that expansion of cities that the expansion of cities
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear disagreement with the claim and offers several identifiable measures, supported by a generally easy-to-follow structure. However, a large portion discusses causes and crime trends rather than directly demonstrating how prevention can work, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors weaken clarity. Focus first on developing a smaller number of realistic preventive measures with precise explanations and more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and relevant solutions are present, but the extensive discussion of crime causes is only indirectly related to the agree-or-disagree task.
Devote more of the essay to explaining why specific preventive measures would reduce crime and directly refute the absolute claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a recognizable introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion sequence, though some long paragraphs contain loosely connected claims.
Organise each body paragraph around one tightly defined argument and make references between sentences more explicit.
Lexical Resource
There is a fairly wide attempt at crime-related and policy vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make expression unnatural.
Prefer precise common combinations such as crime rate increased and economic recession instead of stacking intensifiers or using approximate synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex forms, but frequent errors in clause construction, verb forms, articles, and agreement sometimes strain comprehension.
Build complex sentences from secure main clauses and systematically check participle clauses, passives, and verb patterns for grammatical completeness.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.