Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?
Sample Response
Newspapers and magazines are full of stories about famous people and the wonderful lifestyles that they enjoy. I think it's something that we get used to. We expect to see them wearing very expensive clothes and, going to amazing parties. It seems natural that if you have a lot of money, you will spend it in these ways. Some people who are rich and famous do manage to have a happy life as well. They get married and have children and, although they have to work hard, they still have time to give to their family. Victoria and David Beckham are just one example of a happy celebrity couple. However, money doesn't always bring happiness. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. Stars often talk to the press about the pressures of being rich and famous. Some of them end up drinking too much or taking too many drugs. The actress Elizabeth Taylor, for example, has been in clinics many times for these problems. The divorce rate is also very high among celebrities. Often their marriages last only a short period of time and they re-mary very quickly but the same thing happens again. Ultimately, I think it depends on the person. I don't really believe that being unhappy is a consequence of fame but I do think that it may be very difficult to cope with having a lot of money and fame. Celebrities are ordinary people underneath and perhaps some of them are not strong enough to deal with their fame.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove misplaced comma Original: and, going Suggested revision: and going Why it matters: A comma should not separate two coordinated -ing phrases linked by and.
- 2. Use specific reference Original: in these ways Suggested revision: on such luxuries Why it matters: The revision refers more precisely to the expensive clothes and parties just mentioned.
- 3. Improve plural phrasing Original: have a happy life as well Suggested revision: also lead happy lives Why it matters: This phrasing is more natural with the plural subject people and places also more smoothly.
- 4. Remove misplaced comma Original: children and, although Suggested revision: children and although Why it matters: The comma should not follow and before the dependent although clause.
- 5. Improve collocation Original: time to give to their family Suggested revision: time to devote to their families Why it matters: Devote time to is the natural collocation, and families agrees with the plural subject.
- 6. Correct spelling Original: re-mary Suggested revision: remarry Why it matters: Remarry is spelled with two r letters and no hyphen.
- 7. Add clause comma Original: very quickly but Suggested revision: very quickly, but Why it matters: A comma is needed before but when it joins two independent clauses.
- 8. Use formal noun Original: person Suggested revision: individual Why it matters: Individual is a more precise academic choice in this general statement.
- 9. Add contrast comma Original: consequence of fame but Suggested revision: consequence of fame, but Why it matters: A comma is needed before but because it connects two independent clauses.
- 10. Use concise nouns Original: having a lot of money and fame Suggested revision: wealth and fame Why it matters: Wealth and fame convey the same meaning more concisely and formally.
- 11. Refine expression Original: ordinary people underneath Suggested revision: ordinary people at heart Why it matters: At heart is a more natural expression for their underlying human nature.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: I think it's something that we get used to. Suggested revision: I think this is something that we have become used to. Why it matters: This makes the reference and the completed process of becoming accustomed to celebrity lifestyles clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- and, going and going
- in these ways on such luxuries
- have a happy life as well also lead happy lives
- children and, although children and although
- time to give to their family time to devote to their families
- re-mary remarry
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a balanced, relevant view and supports it with concrete examples of both happy and troubled celebrities, while maintaining generally fluent language. Its main limitation is the single-block organisation and only general treatment of how far unhappiness is the price of fame; the highest-priority improvement is to use purposeful paragraphs and connect each example more explicitly to that second question.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both celebrity unhappiness and its relationship to fame, presenting a clear, qualified position with relevant examples.
Explain more precisely how each pressure caused by fame contributes to unhappiness and state the extent of that responsibility earlier.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument moves logically from glamorous lifestyles to contrasting outcomes and a qualified conclusion, with clear connective language.
Divide the response into an introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion so the stages of the argument are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate for discussing wealth, pressure, addiction, relationships, and the consequences of fame.
Reduce repetition of fame-related words and proofread isolated spelling and phrasing lapses to improve lexical polish.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good mix of simple and complex sentences with generally secure control and clear meaning.
Review comma placement around coordinated and subordinate clauses, particularly where punctuation interrupts otherwise correct sentence structures.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.