The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many feel that instead of locking up criminals, we could better reduce crime by tackling systemic problems in our educational systems. In my opinion, although education is important, deterrence remains the primary inhibitor of criminality.
Many see education as a better remedy as it holds long-term promise. The main cause of crime is poverty and that can be linked directly to education. Take for example countries with strong educational systems. In Singapore, which has one of the most well-regarded school systems in the world, the majority of graduates can find well paid jobs and the crime rate is consequently among the lowest globally. There is no cause to commit a crime if you have enough money to provide for yourself and your family.
Despite the clear results education can bring about, deterrence remains the main reason why people do not commit crimes. If there was no threat of prison, people would feel free to steal, murder or commit whatever crime they choose. A good example of the effect of prison on crime is in countries with strict, mandatory sentencing guidelines. Many Southeast Asian countries have imposed severe sentences on drug related crimes to successfully curb drug trafficking and distribution. There is no substitute for the clearcut logic engendered by the threat of prison.
To sum up, despite the admitted benefits of education, the deterring effect of prison prevents most crime. Countries ought to invest in sustainable solutions such as education and economic reform while not neglecting the irreplaceable role of incarceration.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: could better reduce crime Suggested revision: could reduce crime more effectively Why it matters: This adverb placement sounds more natural and precise.
- 2. Use precise collocation Original: primary inhibitor of criminality Suggested revision: primary deterrent to crime Why it matters: Deterrent to crime is the standard expression for something that discourages offending.
- 3. Clarify the cause Original: a better remedy as it holds long-term promise Suggested revision: a better remedy because it offers long-term promise Why it matters: Because states the causal link more directly, while offers collocates naturally with promise.
- 4. Set off the phrase Original: Take for example Suggested revision: Take, for example, Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase for example requires commas on both sides here.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: cause Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: Reason, rather than cause, expresses a person's motivation for committing an act.
- 6. Use subjunctive were Original: was Suggested revision: were Why it matters: Were is the standard form for this hypothetical condition.
- 7. Complete the expression Original: is in countries with strict Suggested revision: can be seen in countries with strict Why it matters: Can be seen correctly introduces where the stated effect is observable.
- 8. Use standard spelling Original: clearcut Suggested revision: clear-cut Why it matters: The standard spelling of this adjective is hyphenated.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: deterring Suggested revision: deterrent Why it matters: Deterrent is the established adjective in this collocation.
- 10. Tighten the contrast Original: while not neglecting Suggested revision: without neglecting Why it matters: Without expresses the simultaneous requirement more directly and concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- could better reduce crime could reduce crime more effectively
- primary inhibitor of criminality primary deterrent to crime
- a better remedy as it holds long-term promise a better remedy because it offers long-term promise
- Take for example Take, for example,
- cause reason
- was were
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops both education and deterrence through logically sequenced explanations and relevant examples. Its main limitation is that several claims about poverty, crime, and the preventive effect of prison are stated too absolutely, which reduces the nuance of otherwise strong reasoning. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these causal claims and explain the conditions under which each approach is likely to work.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both education and imprisonment are addressed with relevant, extended support.
Qualify broad causal claims about poverty and deterrence so the argument remains convincing rather than absolute.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and without overuse.
Make the relationship between the two proposed approaches even sharper by explicitly framing education as prevention and prison as deterrence.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of precise vocabulary conveys the argument fluently, with only occasional slightly overstated or awkward choices.
Prefer measured wording for claims about criminal behaviour and replace forceful abstractions with more exact causal language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are varied and controlled, and the response contains very few grammatical errors.
Refine minor points of written accuracy, including compound modifiers such as well-paid and drug-related.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.