Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more practical solution is to provide the public with a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is commonly seen as a valid option for most nations to solve crimes with jail time. At the same time, some suggest that providing the populace with a more promising education should be considered useful. Education could be seen by many as a means to wane off ignorance; in my opinion, it has little effect on correcting an intentional crime or inborn potential to commit crimes. This essay will discuss the reason why imprisonment should be more encouraged.
Although, a most criminal activity known today is related to ignorance and poor educational path. The most educational system, for instance, mostly teaches moral values, morally acceptable behaviour and the positives and negatives in any given circumstances. This has significantly led to having a more decent society that is more law-abiding rather than having deviants with which, without education, most forms of criminal activity may accrue. This does not often address the act of intentionally committing crimes or crimes committed due to selfishness which are seen mostly as a leading factor for the intent behind offences committed.
However, despite the above advantages, if a criminal is put to justice by serving jail time, it could create a sense of awareness to realise the weight of offences committed and mitigate any other criminal potential an individual may have. This is substantive because incarceration would, most time, easily help criminals not to recidivate and cause societal unrest. Another reason for consideration is that imprisonment could also help deter the crime rate in society as it puts fear in the mind of other potential criminal. Furthermore, it could make offenders more creative and useful by channelling their energy toward completely different useful career paths. This is done by attending rehabilitation while in jail. This also creates a more peaceful and crime-free society.
In conclusion, although education could be significantly helpful by providing people with the appropriate knowledge and information needed to function in every aspect, I reckon that it does not often address the willingness to commit crimes. This could be better corrected by incarceration, which could later make them useful when out of prison.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise crime phrasing Original: solve crimes with jail time Suggested revision: address crime through imprisonment Why it matters: The revision uses the natural collocation for responding to crime through incarceration.
- 2. Use the prompt term Original: more promising education Suggested revision: better education Why it matters: Better education states the comparison directly and matches the intended meaning.
- 3. Correct the phrasal verb Original: wane Suggested revision: ward Why it matters: Ward off means prevent or resist, whereas wane does not take this object or particle.
- 4. Use the right action Original: correcting an intentional crime Suggested revision: preventing intentional crime Why it matters: A crime is prevented or punished rather than corrected.
- 5. Clarify criminal tendency Original: inborn potential to commit crimes Suggested revision: innate tendency to commit crime Why it matters: Tendency expresses a disposition more naturally than potential in this context.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: the reason why imprisonment Suggested revision: why imprisonment Why it matters: Discuss why is the concise grammatical construction after the verb discuss.
- 7. Fix the clause opening Original: Although, a most criminal activity Suggested revision: Although most criminal activity Why it matters: Although should introduce the clause directly without a comma or the article a.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: poor educational path Suggested revision: limited educational opportunities Why it matters: Educational opportunities is the natural expression for restricted access to education.
- 9. Fix determiner and number Original: The most educational system Suggested revision: Most education systems Why it matters: Most directly modifies the plural noun phrase when making this general claim.
- 10. Clarify the moral lesson Original: the positives and negatives in any given circumstances Suggested revision: the positive and negative consequences of actions Why it matters: The revision identifies consequences more clearly than the vague reference to circumstances.
- 11. Use legal collocations Original: put to justice by serving jail time Suggested revision: brought to justice and given a prison sentence Why it matters: Brought to justice and given a sentence are the standard expressions for these two ideas.
- 12. Make the idea concise Original: a sense of awareness to realise the weight of offences committed Suggested revision: an awareness of the seriousness of their offences Why it matters: The revision removes redundancy and expresses the intended realization naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- solve crimes with jail time address crime through imprisonment
- more promising education better education
- wane ward
- correcting an intentional crime preventing intentional crime
- inborn potential to commit crimes innate tendency to commit crime
- the reason why imprisonment why imprisonment
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear preference for imprisonment and offers several relevant reasons, with the discussion of deterrence and rehabilitation providing its strongest support. However, claims about education, criminal intent, and incarceration are often generalized or only partly explained, while frequent awkward wording and grammar errors reduce precision. Prioritize developing fewer claims through clear cause-and-effect reasoning and concrete evidence, then proofread sentence structure and word choice.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both education and imprisonment are discussed, but several supporting claims remain generalized or insufficiently justified.
Develop each main claim with a specific cause-and-effect explanation or a concrete example instead of adding multiple broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognizable progression from education to imprisonment, although some linking expressions and references are awkward or unclear.
Use simpler, accurately placed transitions and make each pronoun or reference point clearly to the preceding idea.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate topic vocabulary and some ambitious language, but recurring collocation and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Prefer accurate, natural combinations such as reduce ignorance, commit an offence, and deter potential criminals over less secure complex wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, punctuation, and clause construction weaken control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete main clause, correct article use, and subject-verb agreement before adding complex subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more practical solution is to provide the public with a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.