Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is a common issue to cope with wrongdoers in society and how to redesign the existing prison system is argued by several groups of people. Some people suggest that we may provide training and work for them to adjust their behaviour and I partially agree with it. First of all, it is a positive method to encourage wrongdoers and train them to live in normal life. Also, it will stimulate their ability and mind to rehabilitate and even adjust their attitude. In this case, a friendly environment is well set and it may wholly affect their lives for a long time. Second, society may take advantage of the period of training and studying which may result in reducing the rate of crime committing. Education is the root cause of such problems and that will be a wonderful chance to deal with it. However, this policy may not have benefits on the convicts who had committed a serious and unforgivable crime. The convicts who are in jail and taken away from their basic human right deserve their sin. And they are not capable of any treatment and scheme like these which are seen as enjoyment to taxpayers or even a victim. With such concern, I suggest that it should be planned with a clear level of crime system to evaluate their crime. Thus, different levels will give degrees of tasks and works and also eliminate citizens' doubt and worry. In conclusion, it is a controversial issue to consider a new and simple change of existing prison system. In my opinion, given the level crime of the system and apply to the scheme, it will be better and has positive and certain influence in both society and wrongdoers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: cope with wrongdoers Suggested revision: deal with offenders Why it matters: This collocation expresses the intended idea more naturally.
- 2. Fix passive construction Original: is argued by several groups of people Suggested revision: is debated by various groups of people Why it matters: The original passive construction does not work naturally with the verb "argue" here.
- 3. Fix object pattern Original: provide training and work for them Suggested revision: provide them with training and work Why it matters: The pattern "provide someone with something" is required in this construction.
- 4. Fix article and preposition Original: in Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article and does not take "in" here.
- 5. Choose precise wording Original: stimulate their ability and mind Suggested revision: develop their abilities and mindset Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural and obscures what the training develops.
- 6. Use natural collocation Original: a friendly environment is well set Suggested revision: a supportive environment is created Why it matters: An environment is normally "created," and "supportive" fits rehabilitation more precisely.
- 7. Clarify the degree Original: wholly Suggested revision: profoundly Why it matters: "Profoundly" expresses a strong long-term effect more naturally than "wholly."
- 8. Use parallel nouns Original: studying Suggested revision: study Why it matters: Parallel noun forms are needed after "of."
- 9. Simplify verb pattern Original: which may result in reducing Suggested revision: which may help reduce Why it matters: This verb pattern states the possible outcome more directly and naturally.
- 10. Use standard term Original: rate of crime committing Suggested revision: crime rate Why it matters: "Crime rate" is the standard expression for the frequency of crime.
- 11. Fix verb pattern Original: have benefits on Suggested revision: benefit Why it matters: The verb "benefit" takes the people affected as its direct object.
- 12. Fix verb tense Original: had Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The present perfect links the offenders' past crimes to the present policy discussion.
Suggested Rewrites
- cope with wrongdoers deal with offenders
- is argued by several groups of people is debated by various groups of people
- provide training and work for them provide them with training and work
- in a
- stimulate their ability and mind develop their abilities and mindset
- a friendly environment is well set a supportive environment is created
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a relevant, discernible position and usefully distinguishes between offenders who may benefit from rehabilitation and those convicted of serious crimes. Its main limitation is that the supporting ideas remain general and sometimes unclear, while pervasive awkward phrasing weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to explain the proposed crime-level system with a concrete example and express each claim in simpler, more accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question with a qualified position and relevant arguments for rehabilitation and differentiated treatment, though key ideas remain insufficiently explained.
Develop the proposed classification of crimes with a specific example showing who should receive training and why.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses through clear stages and uses signposting, but the single-block presentation and mechanical linking weaken paragraph-level organisation.
Separate the introduction, supporting arguments, qualification, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer logical connections.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss crime and rehabilitation, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prefer natural combinations such as reduce crime, serve a sentence, and rehabilitation programme, and check each key phrase for accurate usage.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, clause construction, and word forms make several sentences awkward.
Use shorter controlled sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and verb forms before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Sending criminals to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.