In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?
Sample Response
In the pastIn the bygone days, the aim of an athlete was to win the competition or to set a new world record. Nowadays, this motivation has changedNowadays, it has changed, as many players are motivated by prize money and famethe prize and the popularity. The following essay will discuss the effects of these changes on young peoplehow the effect of the changes to the young generation and how it has affected the sports industryaffected to the sports industry. To begin with, as athletes’ motivation has changed nowadays, it has negative effects onbrings some negative effects to the young people. It is a fact that many football or basketball stars are highly paid and become very popular these days. This situation has ledThe condition has led them into a luxurious, glamorous lifestylesluxurious or glamorous lifestyle, and many of them are married to a famous actress or a supermodel. It has conveyed some negative messages to the young people that professional athletes' worldprofessional athletes world is a world of parties, wealth and hedonistichedonism lifestyles. Meanwhile, in the past, athletes' motivation was to be the best in their fieldsathletes’ motivation was to be the best in his field and become a good role model for the young generation with their hardworking attitude. As professional players are highly paid these days, it has changed the paradigm of the sports industry. Sports leagues are becoming commercialised to generate moneycommercialised as they need the money to pay these athletes. Ticket prices are extremelyridiculously expensive, and during a live game on television, so many advertisements are showncommercials are added. Furthermore, many gamesAnd then, many games are showing more of an individual attraction rather than solid teamworka solid teamwork, as each of the athletes is trying to become the dominant player. FinallyAnd last but not least, many sports leagues are filled with negative issues nowadays due to the commercialization, such as athletes' strikes over salary capsathletes strike on salary cap or corruption by some sports bodies. In conclusion, it is true that sports have become an attractive business nowadays. Many athletes are well paid and sports leagues have become a great opportunity for some parties. Despite all the fortunes, the core values of sport, including sportsmanshipthe pure essences of sports which are sportive, teamwork and discipline are all lost. Athletes are becoming more individualistic and have some negative lifestyles and it could be a bad example for the young generation. And then sports industrialisation has negatively affected many sports organisations. Therefore it is the government’s task to set some clear regulation about the world of sport.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both questions in substantial detail, explaining the materialistic message sent to young people and several commercial, cultural, and organisational effects on sport. Its strongest feature is the breadth of relevant consequences, while frequent awkward wording, grammatical errors, and absent paragraphing reduce precision and readability. Prioritise grouping the two task parts clearly and expressing the strongest causal links in accurate, concise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both the message to young people and effects on sport are well covered with relevant explanations, though some claims are broad and the proposed government response is not developed.
Select the strongest consequences and explain their causal connection to money-driven motivation rather than adding a final undeveloped solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from youth influence to commercialisation and a concluding synthesis, but the single long paragraph and repetitive 'And then' links weaken organisation.
Use one body paragraph for young people and another for sport, each beginning with a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a sufficient range for sport, money, and social influence, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'financial rewards,' 'hedonistic lifestyle,' 'teamwork,' 'salary disputes,' and 'commercialisation of sport.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied structures generally convey the argument, though agreement, article, preposition, pronoun, and clause errors recur throughout.
Check possessives and agreement in sentences about athletes, and revise long clauses into complete sentences with consistent tense.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past, sports champions used to be motivated by the desire to win a match or to break the world records. These days, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What message does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.