In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society?
Sample Response
It is an irrefutable fact that the average human life expectancyaverage life of a human being is rising substantiallyenormously rising on an upper scale, and the overall population in the world is growing rapidlyrapidly growing in high numbers. The purpose of this essayprimary objective of this exposition is to discussput forth some of the problems faced by individuals and societyhurdles experienced by people and society along with a few plausible measures.
To begin withTo start with, in this contemporary era, the average life expectancynormal life of a person is increasingscaling up. This eventually leads to a plethora of challenges which people are experiencing and will face in the near future. One of the significant problems is shortages of food and otherits resources. To exemplify, recently, the North Korean government has urged its citizens to consume minimal quantities of food because they are likelyas there are prone to face a food crisis in the near futurefood crisis in the upcoming days if they do not control their daily food consumptiondaily consumption of meals. Furthermore, there are massive chances of creating an impact on the surroundings due to the increase in population rate. Since the population is growingthe public is expanding, they are cutting down trees and clearing the forested areasforest region such that it is optimal for them to construct buildings and make a livinglivelihood. This eventually has adverse effects on the environment and gradually reduces oxygen levelsleads to depletion of oxygen levels in the atmosphere. Therefore, humans are liable to experience numerous challenges with the growth in life expectancy and populationgrowth of average size and population.
On the flip side, we can overcome the issues by working together to reducecollaboratively working on reducing these major difficulties. For instance, the government must ensure to organize family planning programs such that the overall population is controlled at least in the upcoming days. These have to be conducted intermittently in suburbs because the rural residents are oblivious of the pessimistic impact it causes when the numbers are growing. Additionally, when any vaccination drive is conducted for health benefits by medical units, preliminary preference must be provided to children and youngsters rather than focusing on older people. Hence, by implementing these measures, we can reduce human numbers and the age of an individual.
Taking everything into consideration, it is critical that the human count must be controlled immediately. Else they are liable to experience a myriad of challenges. This discourse has elucidated some of the problems and their feasible solutions.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is organised into discernible sections and attempts to explain two consequences with supporting examples. Its central weakness is task focus: it treats longer life mainly as general population growth and devotes a full paragraph to unrequested solutions, so problems for individuals and developed societies remain only partially explored. Focus on ageing-specific pressures such as retirement income, healthcare demand, and dependency, then develop their personal and social effects.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response identifies some population-related problems, but it only partially addresses the consequences of increasing life expectancy for individuals and society.
Replace the unrequested solutions section with developed ageing-specific problems affecting both individuals and developed social systems.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a visible structure and the argument is generally followable, although progression is sometimes mechanical or tangential.
Organise separate body paragraphs around individual and societal problems, with each example directly extending its controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices weaken accuracy.
Use simpler, conventional phrases for longevity and population effects instead of expressions such as scaling up or human count.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring agreement, clause, and sentence-boundary errors reduce control.
Check every complex sentence for a complete independent clause, correct subject-verb agreement, and clear pronoun reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.